People continue to amaze me

So, today, I did my first ever news interview. Had I known I was doing an interview today, I would have dressed much differently. This morning, I got up and got ready. I babysat today, so I knew wearing something really nice probably wouldn't be the best idea for comfort and cleanliness reasons. So, I threw on an old sweater and put my hair up. I did, at least, put makeup on. I was right about my clothing choices because the baby just let all of his bodily fuctions go today. I had to laugh... He pooped on me, spit up on me, drooled on me, and then sneezed on me quite a few times. He definitely thought it was funny, so how could I not join in. I asked him if there was anything else he would like to share with me today. I think he's saving it for another day. If he wasn't so darn cute.... He makes the day fun, so I'll take all of it anyday.

Anyway, I got a voicemail this morning from the local news station. They wanted to do a story on the recent break-in in conjunction with the bigger picture of Ayden's passing. I was touched that they would want to help us in this way. We are very humble people, so we never expect help or this kind of kindness in anyway. So, over the past few months, as help continues to come or provisions continue to be made, we remain in awe of the kindness people have so graciously shown. It has truly been a blessing. So, whoever called the news station about us and our story - thank you. Thank you for allowing us to tell Ayden's story one more time. And thank you for giving us an opportunity to get the word out about the break-in.

You would think that since I'm teacher, I wouldn't get nervous about speaking in front of crowds or on camera. With students....no, not a problem. I'm in total control. With peers or parents, or a large viewing audience, I'm a total wreck. So, when you see the video and see that my voice is trembling throughout the whole thing, you'll see my nervousness. Nerves combined with talking about my sweet Ayden....I'm surprised I was able to keep my composure at all. Here is the link to the story. You'll see a video camera icon - you can click on that to see the actual video. Please ignore my southern accent. You always sound worse to yourself when you watch yourself on video. I never realize how southern I sound until I watch myself.

http://www.witn.com/home/headlines/79454672.html



This week has been a better week compared to most. I have felt hopeful and encouraged. I know that this is not a turn for the "better" because I know that bad days will return. There is no "better" or "easier" with this, but I do believe the days will begin to become more tolerable. But it has been good to experience a more "up" week. I think the break-in forcing me to rebuke satan inflicting fear and panic has brought about this uplifting spirit I've had this week. I refuse to let him win by making me afraid and unsure. I know where my ultimate protection lies...protection from ALL things, and even in the midst of suffering, I know God is with me. He may have to deal with my doubt from time to time...especially on the bad days....but on days like today, I know he is glad to see me fully trusting Him.

Facts about Ayden...

I received an email recently. Thank you, by the way, to those of you who email us and share with us your thoughts, emotions, ponderings, kindness, compassion, sympathy, prayers, etc. I'm not good at all at getting back to people. However, please know that I DO read every, single email, and then I mark each one as "unread" so I can go back and respond. Sadly, it takes me a while...sometimes a long while. But, I promise you, I read them ALL, and they all bring comfort.


One email in particular struck me. First, I was just humbled that during her busy day, we came to mind, and she went on to make a mental list for me. Many of you share with us how often we come across your minds and how often you pray for us. Again, it humbles me so much because I know how hectic life can be and how hard it is to think outside of our own selves...our own "box." I know, I do it all the time. So, thank you all so much. This person included her list, and I wanted to share it. She called the list, "Facts about Ayden'"



Facts about Ayden:

--Ayden can see God clearly now, face to face. He can hug him, and kiss him and follow him around. How wonderful it must be!


--Ayden is lacking nothing!


--Ayden is completely whole.


--Ayden has lots of company and new friends to romp around with and he gets to meet people who have never met him before, but always wanted to. For example, great-great grandparents and such.


--Ayden's family misses him...terribly


--Ayden's death left a hole in many lives, and at the same time, perhaps, has made many lives whole by bringing people to God.


--We believe in God's plan....always


--God is up to something......always


--Ayden's death has brought the image of God into greater focus and caused the rest of us to examine our own mortality and time with our children and family.


--God is keeping his promise to you...eternal life WITH Ayden.


--Ayden will be invited to the most awesome birthday party ever in a few days (the birthday of Jesus.)


--Your baby is home....right where he should be and where you will get to join him sometime in the future.


I was so touched by this. And she's right, and I loved that she called them "facts" because a "fact" is TRUE. To know that Ayden has touched the lives of so many, and hopefully for the better...and for an eternity's worth of change....that is so awesome. Ayden will share Jesus' birthday with Jesus himself....wow....wow. I hadn't thought of that. All I had thought of was that we were going to spend Christmas without Ayden; this brought me a new perspective. I continue to be so proud of the goodness Ayden's life spreads and brings about....even now. So proud of my sweet boy.

Our pastor spoke today about allow the Spirit to fill you to overflowing. He commented on how many of us let the Spirit in when it's convenient for us, or we just let Him trickle in here and there. He encouraged us to live with Hope because if we are believers and filled with the Holy Spirit, we should not be walking around as if we have no hope and no joy. I am having trouble with one of those two. Hope....I have in abundance. Joy....I'm working on that one. I know God understands, and I know He is preparing me for Joy that will astound me. I just hope it comes sooner than later.

I'll leave this post with a few new additions to Ayden's Name Gallery. Keep sending them in! You guys are creative! http://melissatsao.squarespace.com/

If you look hard enough, you'll find some photos from Ayden's newborn session. Melissa is my former college roommate and one of my best friends of all time. She does amazing work with a camera. She is a Christian, and she has a heart and a true talent for her work. Check her out.

Thank you all for these! They're great! They aren't in the official gallery yet, but they will be soon. Keep sending them in!

Quick update

We were able to get serial numbers for all of the electronics that were stolen: Xbox, video camera, and my sister's Wii. Hopefully, having the serial numbers will help. I'm just hoping and praying that whoever it was that was involved will slip up somewhere and give themselves away....somehow.

I spent a lot of time today trying to clean up finger-printing dust. For future reference: the stuff gets everywhere. We've had it caked on our feet, socks, and shoes since last night. I think I got almost all of it off the laminate flooring, However, when I tried to get it off the carpet......that didn't go so well. Dark black streaks started forming each time I pulled the vacuum cleaner over it. So, we tried using some carpet cleaner to get it up. That helped a little, but we ran out. So, we had to use what we had.....which was oxyclean. It helped a little also, but we still have some dark patches on our carpet. I guess we'll have to get a steam cleaner and see if that will work. Anyone else have any ideas?

Mentally...emotionally...I'm hanging in there. I've honestly tried to block a lot of the emotions that could have rushed in: fear, worry, anger, helplessness, etc. In four months, I've experienced two of my biggest fears, and I'm still left wondering "why?" I just don't get it. Jeremy commented that he felt like a modern day Job and that I shouldn't be surprised if his skin was covered in boils in the near future. It's funny, but it's honestly how we feel right now. We feel as if we're just waiting to get hit with something else.

I think I've tried to block a lot of the emotions mentioned above because I know that is what satan would love for me to allow to come into my mind. After all of the madness of yesterday, I got a moment to myself, and I spoke to satan, simply saying, "You will not win. I won't let you get inside my mind right now. I refuse to be afraid." I can't say I was completely fearless; I did sleep with pepper spray and my tazer sitting right next me on my night stand, and Jeremy had a box cutter with him. We had a scary moment last night. It was 2am, and all of a sudden, I hear the doorbell ring, and I sit up quickly....heart racing...and I grab my tazer. Jeremy didn't hear it the first time, but he heard me sit up. The doorbell rang again. He heard it that time, so he got up and went to the door to look out the peephole. In the meantime, I have my tazer in one hand ready to go....Tucker in the other....and I'm looking out our window to see if anyone is in the backyard. We left the lights on outside, and we left Gracie out of her pen. We thought that the burglar had come back to have some fun. It turned out to be our neighbor. She had seen that Gracie was out, which is unusual, and after everything that happened, she was afraid something had happened to us. Needless to say, we ended up sleeping late this morning because sleep was not so easy last night. I had actually stayed up until about 1:45, reading and watching TV because I just couldn't sleep. So, I hadn't been asleep long when all of this happened. We let Tucker sleep with us last night, which I believe he enjoyed thoroughly. He's hard to sleep with, though, because he likes to be right up against you, and if he hears any little noise he starts growling and barking. He did well last night, though.

Tonight will probably be much like last night. We are already looking into houses that are for sale in the area. We know we won't be able to even look into new places to live until ours sells, but it's nice to know what's available. With the next house, here is what we want:

- Small, cozy, preferably a bungalow...cute farm house style (which means older)
- AWAY from town and the crazies that live in town (I know there are crazies out of town, too)
- Location: Close to the memorial park where Ayden is, or on the outskirts of the county (again...away from town)
- Not a lot of neighbors - preferably not even in a subdivision
- No fence because although they offer privacy, we now know that people can jump them and kick in a back door with no one in sight.
- An affordable price range

Here is one we LOVE (<-- click "love")If only it could stay out there for us long enough for someone to take our house off of our hands. It's everything we want. It meets every criteria on our list. It will probably be taken well before we can even think about it, but something like it is sure to come up. I'm still going to cross my fingers for this one, though. Something good has to happen soon right?

Well, so much for a quick update. Thank you all for your kind comments and continued prayers. We truly appreciate it so much.

When it rains......

Well, we walked into the house this afternoon to find out that someone had broken in.

The door had been kicked in:

They were kind enough to close the door back. How nice.

This is how some things were found:

Xbox, video camera, Wii.....all taken:

Emptied out my jewelry box and took all the jewelry that was sitting out on top. One of the small jewelry boxes on top had picture of Ayden in it, and they took that.


They stripped the pillow cases off of our pillows and stuffed everything in them.

The frame from the door:

I don't have much to say about it. I'm just disgusted. Disgusted with everything. I'm thankful that nothing of Ayden's was taken or disturbed. Our pets are okay. Everything they took can be replaced except for a few things. The did find some cash that we had saved up to help pay for our plots in the memorial park where we have Ayden. We pay for those monthly, so we had kept the cash around so we could have it available. The video camera had been used once, and it has a video of Ayden's arrival home from the hospital. I'm trying not to be upset about that because that memory is so clear in my mind. And now I'll be extra certain to keep that memory clear. We had been wanting to sell our house for this very reason. Our neighborhood isn't terrible, especially our section, but things like this have happened a few times. But they aren't common. We do have an alarm system, but it happened to be the one day we forgot to set it before we left. I'm honestly just glad neither one of us was here, our pets are okay, and they didn't do as much damage as they could have. Given our circumstances, I almost feel like, "What else can happen that hasn't already happened?" I guess that's why I haven't reacted as I would have expected.

It is creepy to know that someone, a stranger, has been in your house....seen your possessions....knows what the inside of your home looks like....knows of possible vulnerabilities. Just makes me sick.

I just pray conviction over the person/people who did it. If they only knew the home they chose and the circumstances behind the family they violated.....