....to spend my entire weekend with this sweet little boy. :)13 months old is officially my favorite age so far. LOVING every second!
READY.....
....to spend my entire weekend with this sweet little boy. :)13 months old is officially my favorite age so far. LOVING every second!
Mommy fail...
There are moments in parenthood that you try your best to avoid. As a mom, I am super cautious and overly paranoid...at times. I plan every moment of an outing in my head and do my best to make it go according to "plan." Haha...you're laughing...yes, it almost always doesn't go to plan.
And it never fails that when it seems like it is going too smoothly....a hiccup is about to present itself.
This brings me to this morning:
This story is retold in dramatic fashion as my speech and presentation were clear and calm, but my mind was frantic!!
We were up getting ready for work. Collen had slept in his crib all night long (waking up twice) and woke up in his crib at 7am. Wonderful start to a Monday morning!! It looked as if we were going to early/on time for once! Bags were packed, food was ready for daycare, baby was dressed, milk was ready to go. On our way out the door, I let Collen hold my keys since my hands were very full. I got everything in the car, got Collen into his seat; he still had the keys. I switched them out for his sippy cup and threw the keys into the front seat. Shut the door....walk over to the driver's side....and let out a long, "Nooooooooo!!!!" and then a few, "No! No! No! NOOOOOOO!!!" The keys...and Collen....were locked inside!!! On the outside, I appeared to be calm....on the inside, I was panicking and becoming irrational! I ran (and I don't run...) to my neighbor's house....who I've never met. I bang on their door....determined that they ARE going to answer....if it means I have to bang on every window, door, surface of the house!! They come to the door to find me standing there, blurting out, "Hi...I'm your neighbor...I've locked my keys in the car, and my son is in the car!! My phone is in there, too!! I need to call someone!!" They were very gracious and quick to respond...finding a number to a locksmith, which didn't work because they were closed. So, I called 911 and explained the situation....and quickly grew frustrated because I didn't understand why the year and model of my car mattered.....and why the age of my child mattered....and why I was left being told, "Someone will get there as soon as they can." WHAT?! I leave them with my neighbors' number and go back to my car to wait. At this point, Collen has realized that something isn't right. At first, he laughed me playing peek-a-boo with him, but then he became very upset that Mommy was outside and he was inside....and not understanding why mommy wasn't taking him out of the car. So, he soon became a crying mess...and I was trying my best not to join him and just remain calm for his sake. 15 minutes later, a sheriff arrived and got the doors unlocked. Collen was pretty much traumatized....poor thing. He sniffed all the way to daycare because of the hard crying he had been doing. :( And then he wasn't too happy when I dropped him off. Poor thing....such a rough morning for a Monday.
Lesson learned: Get a spare key for the car.
Ugh.
And it never fails that when it seems like it is going too smoothly....a hiccup is about to present itself.
This brings me to this morning:
This story is retold in dramatic fashion as my speech and presentation were clear and calm, but my mind was frantic!!
We were up getting ready for work. Collen had slept in his crib all night long (waking up twice) and woke up in his crib at 7am. Wonderful start to a Monday morning!! It looked as if we were going to early/on time for once! Bags were packed, food was ready for daycare, baby was dressed, milk was ready to go. On our way out the door, I let Collen hold my keys since my hands were very full. I got everything in the car, got Collen into his seat; he still had the keys. I switched them out for his sippy cup and threw the keys into the front seat. Shut the door....walk over to the driver's side....and let out a long, "Nooooooooo!!!!" and then a few, "No! No! No! NOOOOOOO!!!" The keys...and Collen....were locked inside!!! On the outside, I appeared to be calm....on the inside, I was panicking and becoming irrational! I ran (and I don't run...) to my neighbor's house....who I've never met. I bang on their door....determined that they ARE going to answer....if it means I have to bang on every window, door, surface of the house!! They come to the door to find me standing there, blurting out, "Hi...I'm your neighbor...I've locked my keys in the car, and my son is in the car!! My phone is in there, too!! I need to call someone!!" They were very gracious and quick to respond...finding a number to a locksmith, which didn't work because they were closed. So, I called 911 and explained the situation....and quickly grew frustrated because I didn't understand why the year and model of my car mattered.....and why the age of my child mattered....and why I was left being told, "Someone will get there as soon as they can." WHAT?! I leave them with my neighbors' number and go back to my car to wait. At this point, Collen has realized that something isn't right. At first, he laughed me playing peek-a-boo with him, but then he became very upset that Mommy was outside and he was inside....and not understanding why mommy wasn't taking him out of the car. So, he soon became a crying mess...and I was trying my best not to join him and just remain calm for his sake. 15 minutes later, a sheriff arrived and got the doors unlocked. Collen was pretty much traumatized....poor thing. He sniffed all the way to daycare because of the hard crying he had been doing. :( And then he wasn't too happy when I dropped him off. Poor thing....such a rough morning for a Monday.
Lesson learned: Get a spare key for the car.
Ugh.
Women of Faith
I am currently attending the Women of Faith conference in NC!!
We got here late, but we were able to go to the night session. Wow....amazing!! The theme of the weekend is that none of us are perfect, and God doesn't expect us to be perfect. So, why do we push ourselves to be perfect and then grow so disappointed with ourselves and our "poor performance?" As long as we are living for our Lord, spending time with Him, making Him a part of our every day lives.....then we're okay. He never said we had to be perfect. He just wants us to love him and live for HIM. I think that's a small request considering the sacrifice He made for us.
A lot of wonderful women are here presenting. We heard comedian Ken Davis tonight - HILARIOUS! Then, we heard Natalie Grant sing - she sang the song Held - I cried like a baby. Held is a song that so many recommended for us when Ayden passed away. 2 years later, it is still very difficult for me to listen to music. The loss is still so raw and fresh....I guess it always will be to a degree. I'll never stop missing him, thinking about him, loving him.....so music is likely to always affect me. I knew she would probably sing this song....and always, when she gets to the part about "when the sacred is torn from you life" - yeah....that's how it felt to lose my baby. All that was sacred and right with the world was gone in an instant. Yet, God continued to hold me through it all....as He held Ayden in His arms.
I'm looking forward to the morning session and just spending time with women of faith....soaking in the goodness of our Lord. It has been refreshing.....I needed this.
We got here late, but we were able to go to the night session. Wow....amazing!! The theme of the weekend is that none of us are perfect, and God doesn't expect us to be perfect. So, why do we push ourselves to be perfect and then grow so disappointed with ourselves and our "poor performance?" As long as we are living for our Lord, spending time with Him, making Him a part of our every day lives.....then we're okay. He never said we had to be perfect. He just wants us to love him and live for HIM. I think that's a small request considering the sacrifice He made for us.
A lot of wonderful women are here presenting. We heard comedian Ken Davis tonight - HILARIOUS! Then, we heard Natalie Grant sing - she sang the song Held - I cried like a baby. Held is a song that so many recommended for us when Ayden passed away. 2 years later, it is still very difficult for me to listen to music. The loss is still so raw and fresh....I guess it always will be to a degree. I'll never stop missing him, thinking about him, loving him.....so music is likely to always affect me. I knew she would probably sing this song....and always, when she gets to the part about "when the sacred is torn from you life" - yeah....that's how it felt to lose my baby. All that was sacred and right with the world was gone in an instant. Yet, God continued to hold me through it all....as He held Ayden in His arms.
I'm looking forward to the morning session and just spending time with women of faith....soaking in the goodness of our Lord. It has been refreshing.....I needed this.
Smell Memories
Have you ever caught a whiff of something and it took you back....way back....and you could pinpoint the exact moment you first smelled that smell???
This weekend, I traveled with my parents to celebrate the life of my cousin's husband. The service was this afternoon. It was a beautiful memorial to Chris, his life, the person he was. It absolutely broke my heart to see my cousin and her two children being addressed....a young widow and two children who no longer have their daddy. I found myself in the position that I'm so many were in when Ayden passed away - I had no idea what to say. So, I said nothing. I had not been to a "funeral service" since Ayden's, and it took me back to feelings and memories I haven't visited in a while. I remember people speaking to me....so many words....so many condolencs....but the ones who just looked at me, with tears in their eyes and pain their hearts....and said nothiing....those were the ones who touched me the most. And I realize now why they didn't have any words. Nothing I can say can fix this. Nothing I can say can bring Michelle's husband back....or those kids' daddy back. Please pray for this family. They have a long road ahead of them.
I haven't forgotten the odd title of my post...
This weekend, as I said, we've been traveling, so we have been out of our normal surroundings. You know how people come to your house and say, "Oh, I love the way your house smells?".....but you can't smell your own house? Well, you can't until you're away from it, and you smell it on your clothes, in your luggage, on your linens. It is then that you can put a scent with yourself. I know this seems weird and random....stick with me.
....it has been 2 and a half years (almost) since Ayden was born. It has been almost 2 years and one month since I last smelled him. You know...that sweet, wonderful baby smell that is so unique to your baby? This weekend, I caught a whiff of Ayden. It was ever so subtle and a mixture of scents that were surrounding me....my clothing mixed with Collen's, the smell of a sterile bathroom (reminded me of the hospital), the leather of the seats in the rental car, and various other scents. All put together, I was taken back to the day we took Ayden home from the hospital. His scent, even now, is so distinct, and I was overjoyed that after 2 and half years, I knew...as soon as I smelled it...that I was reminded of my child. The connection is still there....
This weekend, I traveled with my parents to celebrate the life of my cousin's husband. The service was this afternoon. It was a beautiful memorial to Chris, his life, the person he was. It absolutely broke my heart to see my cousin and her two children being addressed....a young widow and two children who no longer have their daddy. I found myself in the position that I'm so many were in when Ayden passed away - I had no idea what to say. So, I said nothing. I had not been to a "funeral service" since Ayden's, and it took me back to feelings and memories I haven't visited in a while. I remember people speaking to me....so many words....so many condolencs....but the ones who just looked at me, with tears in their eyes and pain their hearts....and said nothiing....those were the ones who touched me the most. And I realize now why they didn't have any words. Nothing I can say can fix this. Nothing I can say can bring Michelle's husband back....or those kids' daddy back. Please pray for this family. They have a long road ahead of them.
I haven't forgotten the odd title of my post...
This weekend, as I said, we've been traveling, so we have been out of our normal surroundings. You know how people come to your house and say, "Oh, I love the way your house smells?".....but you can't smell your own house? Well, you can't until you're away from it, and you smell it on your clothes, in your luggage, on your linens. It is then that you can put a scent with yourself. I know this seems weird and random....stick with me.
....it has been 2 and a half years (almost) since Ayden was born. It has been almost 2 years and one month since I last smelled him. You know...that sweet, wonderful baby smell that is so unique to your baby? This weekend, I caught a whiff of Ayden. It was ever so subtle and a mixture of scents that were surrounding me....my clothing mixed with Collen's, the smell of a sterile bathroom (reminded me of the hospital), the leather of the seats in the rental car, and various other scents. All put together, I was taken back to the day we took Ayden home from the hospital. His scent, even now, is so distinct, and I was overjoyed that after 2 and half years, I knew...as soon as I smelled it...that I was reminded of my child. The connection is still there....
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