2 Months Already!

Charlotte turned 2 months old on Sunday and 9 weeks yesterday.  How in the world have 9 weeks flown by so quickly!  This milestone also meant my return to work. Booo.....

Check out this little lady:

At 2 months, Charlotte is changing every day.  She is smiling big, gushy smiles that make you feel like you are just absolutely her most favorite person in the entire world.  She is also cooing and doing the oh-so-sweet "ah-goo" sound.

Since birth, she has had an awesome mohawk.  We go with it and tell her she can get her wild streak out now.  If, one day, she wants a mohawk, we can tell her she's already gone through that phase...no need to repeat it. ;)  She has a very thick patch of hair on the crown of her head...I love running my fingers through it.  

I just happened to capture this photo.  It is significant, actually, because I have one of Collen doing the exact same thing.  Of course, I can't find it at the moment to show you, but believe me...exact same picture...just Collen and his dog.

At 2 months old, Charlotte weighs 10lbs 13oz, and she is 23 inches long.  She is in the 50th percentile for her weight and 75% for her height.  Her head circumference is 39cm, and she is in the 60th percentile for that.  She is hitting milestones when she should and growing well.  She is still breastfeeding (woo!) and continues to do very well with it.  She LOVES her big brother, Collen, and he adores her, too.  He can get a little competitive at times for attention, but when she cries, he is the first to try to console her.  He is going to be a great big brother and protector as they get older!  Charlotte is definitely fitting the typical "baby of the family" mold.  We all flock to her and do everything we can to make "Char-baby" happy.  We are all in love with this precious baby girl, and I pray every single day that God would please, please let us keep her.  She has fulfilled my life in ways I never imagined possible!

Now...who does she look like?  We get this questions ALL the time.  Most people say she is a good mix of both of the boys, and she is.  Some days, she reminds me so much of Collen.  Others...she is the spitting image of Ayden (except the dark, thick hair).  I'll let you decide:

Here is Collen around 2 months:                                           Ayden around 2 months:

I can definitely see both boys in her, but she looks most like Ayden.  If I didn't know that was Ayden in the picture on the right, I would think it was Charlotte - they look that similar to each other.

Our big transition - Mommy going back to work and kids going to the babysitter - took place this Monday.  All weekend, I was weepy and just on edge.  I so enjoyed my 8.5 weeks at home with my babies.  I felt like I was betraying them by going back to work...especially Charlotte.  I was/am terrified of leaving her.  I think that is to be expected, especially in our case.  I have taken it one day at a time, and each passing day gets a little easier.  I know she is in wonderful hands.  We are extremely blessed to be able to send them to a wonderful home during the day where they are loved and spoiled.  :)  

Being back at work has been okay.  Pumping is somewhat new to me, though, and it has been an adjustment.  I pumped some with Collen but only if we were leaving the house and needed milk on the go.  Now, having to purposefully pump in order to replenish the stock I left with the sitter....wow.  This is tough to do when you're a teacher.  I have to work around my planning period and the end of the day in order to time it out right.  So far, I've been able to pump enough to refill/replenish the bottles she gets during the day.  I'm hoping I can keep that up.  I know it's tough, and I can only do the best I can.  If I can make it to 6 months, I will be satisfied.  

Please continue to pray for us and for Charlotte.  Pray for her safety and for me/us to continue to trust God and His will....whatever it may be.  We are so thankful for Charlotte and Collen and the blessing they are to our lives every single day.  If they only knew how loved they are...it's amazing.

And I'll leave you with a quick video of Miss Charlotte so you can see her sweet little personality in action:

Halloween in Pictures :)

This was the first year we have "celebrated" Halloween.  We're not big on Halloween.  I have a strange phobia of the holiday, actually.  I, normally, am happy to just turn our lights off, hide in a back room with a movie and snacks, and wait the night out until November begins the next day. In 2009, Ayden had just passed away.  I had a tiny sock monkey costume that went unworn, and everywhere I looked babies were experiencing their first Halloween.  I just wanted it to go away.  The next year, Collen had just been born, and losing Ayden was still very fresh.  Collen did wear some super cute Halloween clothing, but I didn't dress him up.  Last year, Collen was a little over a year old, and my dad had just passed away.  We had been hit hard again, and just didn't feel like "celebrating"...especially a holiday where so many seem to glamorize death.  This year, though, with 2 kids, and Collen who is now old enough to participate and somewhat understand, we thought we would give it a shot.

We did participate in our church's "Trunk or Treat" event, which had to be held inside because Hurricane Sandy.  Halloween night, we met up with friends at their house where they hosted a Halloween party for the kiddos.  I enjoyed this and so did Collen; it was great to have all the kids get together and hit the houses for candy.  I felt much better about him being out with a group, and of course Jeremy took him.  Collen did very well, except he got upset when he couldn't go into the peoples' houses.  He didn't quite understand that part - our social boy - "Trick-or-Treat, and let me come in and stay awhile!" It was nice to gather with friends and let the kids have a good time mooching candy and being cute. :)  This year, Collen went as a pirate - a very cute one, I might add. ;)  We didn't dress Charlotte up in anything except some Halloween themed clothing and a cute pumpkin beanie.  Sadly, I don't have a picture of that because she spent most of Halloween night in a grumpy mood.  I'll try to get one, soon, though.

Hope you all enjoyed Halloween in whichever way you chose to!  I've loved seeing the pictures of all the kids dressed up.

Still here.

I haven't given up on the blog.  I'm still here....just super busy (and tired).  My only free moment during the day is on the off-chance that I've been able to get both kids to nap at the same time.  And then if they do, I usually join in.  Then, by the time they are in bed, toys are picked up, dishes cleaned, other household chores done, I've gotten a shower and finally eaten (which doesn't happen until 9pm if I don't work it out to eat earlier), it's 11pm, and I'm exhausted and anticipating Charlotte's next feeding, which is usually between 1 and 3am.

I have one full week left in my maternity leave.  That could also have something to do with my lack of blogging.  I'm trying to cherish every second.  Although, I don't feel like I'm doing so well at that.  I'm getting better at balancing two kids, but it's tough.  I feel bad when Collen looks at me and says, "Sit down, Mommy.  Do puzzle." or wants me to jump, run, play....anything to interact with him.  He is good at entertaining himself, but I know he enjoys having a playmate (aka Mommy) to enjoy it with.  :( When Charlotte is napping, I'm usually getting a meal prepared, a snack prepared, using the bathroom (I know!! God forbid!!), trying to squeeze in some cleaning.  Don't think I don't play with the child, though.  I do! :)  Today, we did puzzles, played with his inflatable sword (that he calls banana and uses as a boat...haha), took Sesame Street characters for a ride in his bus, and he educated me on his cars.  I know I don't have to entertain him all the time; it's good for him to play by himself.....it's where his huge imagination can be put to use.  But I do feel guilty that I can't spend the time with him that I used to.  He actually told me to put Charlotte to bed the other day....he was very upset that I couldn't do what he wanted me to do at that moment.  That's when my heart breaks a little bit.  However, I know he is also testing and pushing me.  He's two, and he's learning how to manipulate ("Be nice to Collen" - imagine your toddler saying THAT to you. Oh....who wouldn't be tempted to do anything in the world for them in that moment!?)  We're working on discipline and trying to figure out strategies that he understands.  Today, we did time out.  He somewhat understood why he had to sit down and couldn't get up, and he was obedient.  Very proud of him.  He is becoming quite resistant at times, so I'm having to stay firm.  Parenting....tough, tough job, but definitely rewarding in the good moments...and even the tough ones when you realize you're providing your children with structure and values that they will grasp and appreciate....someday.

So, I'm still here.  I promise to share a lot of photos soon!  Charlotte is 7 weeks old!  Where in the world did the time go?!  She is growing more and more beautiful every single day, and she looks so much like Ayden, it's scary.  I told a friend the other day that I am confident that God made her a girl because she looks so much like Ayden.  If she was a boy and dressed in blue/boy clothes, I'd mistake her for him all the time (except the dark hair and long fingers).  She smiles like him, moves her mouth the way he did, has a temperament like his, and so much more.  It is a sweet, sweet reminder and helps me feels so close to him by all of the flashbacks it brings to mind.

Hope you all are well.  And I hope you'll see another post from me, soon!

A year ago today...

...was the last time I saw my dad alive.

Has it really been a year?  Some days, it feels like just yesterday.  Others, it feels like a lifetime, and I look at the next 50 years with such dread.  This world is not my home.  That has been made crystal clear to me since August 25, 2009.  Oct. 20, 2011 was just our reaffirmation of that fact.

A year ago this weekend, my parents, myself, and Collen went to Jeremy's football game.  My dad was so, so proud of Jeremy and those boys.  They won that night, and the smile on my dad's face was priceless when that clock ticked down to zero.  He was thrilled for Jeremy.  Thrilled for his team.  Just beaming with pride.  He loved sharing those moments with Jeremy.

A year ago this weekend, I spent Friday-Sunday with my parents.  This was rare because my dad worked out of town a lot.  I had gotten used to not seeing him consistently and spending a lot of time with my mom.  That weekend, though, daddy was home, and we happened to have a lot of family events going on that allowed us to spend a lot of time together.  In hindsight - I see that that was completely God.  Of course, I didn't know then that that would be my last weekend with my dad, but I remember making a point to soak it all up and cherish those moments.

A year ago today, my dad helped work on Collen's swing set.  We went to church together as a family. We laughed - a lot.  We watched Collen being super cute.  We all went out to eat dinner as a family.  And...unusual for my dad...he didn't rush out to get back home.  Jeremy had gone to a meeting, so my parents came back to our house with me so I wouldn't come home to an empty house.  My dad helped me dress Collen for bed.  We whispered and laughed together as we both changed his diaper and his clothes.  I'm sure daddy called Collen "Papa's man" one last time before kissing him goodnight.  And as my dad walked out the door, I stopped him to give him one more hug, "just in case."  I had done that a lot a year ago around this time.  Something kept tugging at my heart saying, "Tell him you love him, Lindsay.  Hug him.  Cherish these moments with your dad.  Soak him in."  It had become typical for me to hug him several times before leaving "just in case."  Daddy caught on, and he would say, "I'm not going anywhere."  Oh, how I wish that had been true.

I still have moments when I forget.  It feels like he has been away on business....for a very long time.  I still live with that anticipation of, "I'm going to see him soon.  I'll see him tomorrow when he comes home."  But tomorrow never comes.  I still go to call him some days.  I'll get off the phone with my mom and have the overwhelming urge to talk to him because I always called him on my way home from work after I called my mom.

 I want to tell him all the funny things Collen is doing and saying, and I want to tell him how beautiful and sweet his granddaughter is.  I want to hug him and have his arms wrapped around me because there is no place safer than wrapped in your father's arms.  The little girl in me - at 28 years old - would still have the urge to run and jump into my dad's arms whenever I saw him.  In those moments, the world was just a little less scary.  I miss that so much.  I miss the security, safety, and peace I found while in his presence.  I miss the connection we shared.  I just miss him...

He was one of a kind.  One of those people who made everyone he met feel special and loved.  He never knew a stranger - one of the friendliest people you could ever know.  There was no mistaking that he was a man of faith because he lived it and spoke it every day.  It seems cruel to take a man like that away from his family and out of the world so soon - a man who, in our minds, still had so much work left to do...so many lives left to touch.  But God saw that his work was finished.

Your prayers and thoughts are appreciated as we reach the one year mark October 20th.  It isn't easier.  I know that from experience - it doesn't get easier.  The hope, though, get sweeter as each day passes and we are one day closer to being together again.  I had 28 years with my dad.  Some people don't get that.  I'm thankful for those, and even more thankful that I didn't waste those years.  I knew how blessed I was.  I knew that I had a treasure in the man I called "Daddy."  And I didn't take a second for granted.