Our worship team has been playing a new song lately. I remember hearing it, for the first time, over the summer. It caught me completely off guard, and I sobbed through the entire song. Jeremy didn't even have to see my face to know I was about to fall apart....and he ever-so-sweetly put his arm around me and held me through the song. The song is "You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong. It, like so many other songs about Heaven, obviously bring Ayden to mind. And now...my dad. Worship, and music in general, was difficult for me after Ayden passed away because the words to each song had taken on a whole new meaning. I would look around at people singing wondering if they truly meant the words they were singing....did they really bless the name of the One who gives AND takes away? After Collen was born, worship became a little easier. Music had begun to ease back into my life, and I was able to sing and listen without breaking down so much. Then...my dad passed away. And the cycle started over again. It's not quite as hard as it was before, but worship still triggers the emotions...especially when I imagine my dad singing those songs...in full on worship...as I loved to see him. I miss watching my dad worship. I miss dad...period. And now, I have 3 things propelling me to Heaven - Christ, Ayden, and my Dad...and this song brings all of that to the surface. I love everything about this song, and I hope that one day I can actually sing it instead of sobbing through it.
Here are the lyrics:
On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fear is swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free
Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now
In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day
When the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now
If it makes you feel better, it's hard for the worship team to sing that song, too. I will never, ever sing the songs from Ayden's service without tearing up.
ReplyDeleteLindsay, that song makes me cry, too, just for different reasons. I have been wanting to share a blog with you. I would recommend starting from the beginning, but her most recent post also gives some background. Reading it all helped me understand where she was coming from. I hope you can find comfort in it. http://watchmedaddy.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteUm, yep. Me too. Sobbing. Great big tears...just pouring out.
ReplyDeleteHave you guys on our hearts so much...especially this first hard season without your dad and another without Ayden. All our love..would love to meet up again soon!!!!
xoxoxo
My dad died summer 2010 and after his passing I looked at worshiping in a new way. I felt connected to my dad through worshiping. Standing in church I can feel the presence of Christ and how much more magnificent it must be worshiping God in Heaven! Knowing my dad is singing praises and continually worshiping God in His presence is amazing.
ReplyDeletePraying for you , your mom and family tonight.