This will be long...


88 comments
Many have had questions about just what happened to Ayden.  We have been told by the medical examiner that the only thing she can rule it as is SIDS.  In a way, I'm comforted by this verdict.  He didn't choke.  He didn't suffocate.  He didn't struggle.  He wasn't in pain.  God just said, Ayden...I need you sweet boy...come see me.

Yesterday, Jeremy and I had to attend a funeral service for our son, Ayden.  As you can imagine, it was the hardest thing we ever had to and will have to do.  Amazingly, it was the easiest day of this week.  I woke up at 5, as I usually do, and just wept and sobbed.  Every morning at 5, I would move Ayden into bed with us for morning snuggles.  I hardly every went back to sleep; I just watched him sleep or watched him smile up at me.  Oh, I miss that....  Jeremy and I held each other and sobbed...something I believe we will do every morning for some time to come.  As we got ourselves ready for the day, we reflected on Ayden and the abundant life he led in such a short time.  We went to the funeral home to see Ayden....how do you prepare yourself for that?  I was numb...spending a lot of time just staring away....not able to focus on what was going on around me.  We got there and Jeremy and I went in first.  He looked so beautiful...as he always did.  He looked like he did when he slept.  Somehow, I couldn't cry.  I could never look at him and cry....so I looked at him and smiled as I stroked his beautiful hair and kissed those sweet cheeks.  I was waiting to see him open those eyes and smile up at me....knowing, though, that he wouldn't.  We placed his Curious George and blue elephant blanket/lovie with him.  We put his blanket in his hands - he loved holding it and feeling the different textures.  After we spent our time with him, we stepped out so the rest of the family could see him.  We didn't want to hear them, so we went outside and sat together on the lawn.  What a healing time that was.  I'm not able to find much strength, but when I am with Jeremy...I can.  He has always been a source of encouragement and support for me....but now, he will be so more than ever.  We sat and talked and cried together about the good that has to come of this.  We have to believe that good with come...otherwise we will become bitter and hardened.  

We sat together for some time but eventually went back in to see Ayden one more time.  We each had alone time with him so we could say what we wanted to say.  I told Ayden what I told him every day - just how much he means to me, how much he was wanted, and how blessed I am to have him in my life.  I told him how much I cherished every second of my pregnancy...never complaining or griping....and then we he was born...never, ever taking a second for granted.  I hurt every time to go somewhere without him....so I never spent much time without him.  I'm so grateful for that now.  I couldn't even take him out of our room when I knew he could sleep in his crib....I just couldn't.  Again, I'm so grateful for that now.

We left the funeral home to go home and change.  I wore what I was wearing Tuesday when I held him for the last time.  You may wonder how I even look at that outfit or even managed to put it back on.  I told myself that morning when I got ready that if no one else thought I looked pretty today, Ayden would.  So, I wanted to feel that way again.

At this time, I do well with a routine...a plan for a day...because it allows me to go through the motions.  When Ayden was with us, I hated a routine or a plan....I just wanted to spend every second with him.  And for the most part, I did.  Anyway, we left for the church, again...with plans in our mind...able to go through the motions.  We received friends and family and requested that it be open-casket.  As long as I could see him, I was okay.  I know it was hard for some people to understand how/why we could do that, but it was comforting to us.  

SO MANY PEOPLE....over 550 people attending the visitation and service.  I was humbled and overwhelmed by the people that came...some from across the state.  So many of my co-workers came...I have such a wonderful group of co-workers. They are truly my family, and I love them all so much.  Our church family was amazing as well.  My parents now understand why we love our church family so much. So many prayers...so many kind words....so many speechless moments of mutual understanding.

Jeremy and I gave the Eulogy.  People commented on how strong we were and how they couldn't imagine being able to do that.  Honestly, I don't know how I did.  Maybe it's the teacher in me that was able to stand up in front of so many people.  Jeremy spoke first, reading from Tony Dungee's book, The Uncommon Man and also reading his own words.  I read from the journal I have kept for Ayden since the day we found out I was pregnant.  I read from my Monday entry of updating him on his accomplishments, gushing over him, and telling him how much we love him and then had to read from Tuesday's......  One day, I had a happy, full-of-life baby boy....the next, he was gone.  It still isn't real.  Our hope from our Euology to Ayden was that people would come to understand the hope we are able to find in the promise that we will see Ayden again.  So many parents don't know if they will see their children again once they leave this world.  We KNOW without a doubt that we will see Ayden again.  That's the only comfort I can find at this time.

We sang songs and listened to songs in tribute of Ayden and our Lord.  A video was put together of pictures and videos. I cried, smiled, and laughed.  I AM so incredibly proud of my little boy.  He IS the light of my life.  

The graveside was private...with a few friends and family.  Jeremy and I asked to see Ayden once more before we left.  I was apprehensive about this, but I'm so glad we did it.  It gave us comfort to see him one last time.  We know that it's just his body, but oh, what a beautiful body it is.  He truly IS a beautiful baby, and he's now even more gorgeous.  He is shining with the light of Heaven and the love of Jesus.  What I wouldn't give to see his smiling face.....

Afterwards, the family was fed at the church.  Again...going through the motions....dreading going home...knowing that from this point on....we have to move forward.  We have been given something to help us sleep, so Jeremy and I both took something and got ourselves ready for bed.  We prayed together and cried together and were able to get some rest.

This morning, I awoke crying once again....wondering how long I would hurt this way but thankful that Ayden NEVER had to feel this kind of pain...not once.  Today was not as structured and was therefore the hardest yet.  My students had put together something really special for today, so we planned to go and see them.  A few of my students orchestrated the wearing of white polo shirts and blue ribbons in honor of Ayden today.  I knew a lot would participate, but little did I know.....  We arrived at the school, and the students were called to the gym for an assembly.  Jeremy and I were waiting in the hallway after everyone got settled and I caught a glimpse....wow.  14, 15, 16, 17, and 18 year olds....all in white....how beautiful.  As a teacher, I know that teenagers often have their own agenda...it's natural...they're supposed to be all about themselves at this age.  So to see them all in white...wearing the ribbons...selflessly exhibiting their concern and care....I was so humbled.  I spoke with them about what happened to Ayden and the hope Jeremy and I hope to find out of this situation.  I shared very candidly about our relationship...how we met in high school...dated through college....saved ourselves for marriage so that our children would know just how special and pure marriage was to us.  I also shared my faith and my hope for them to also find faith.  I probably stepped over some boundaries, but my son just died.......I'll say whatever I need/want to say so that his death is not in vain.  My students often wonder why I love Ayden-Grifton so much....I hope they know why now.  The staff and students showed me just how much they love us today....I'm so proud to know them.

After we left the school, Jeremy and I went to the cemetary to see Ayden's resting place.  The flowers smelled so wonderful....and looked so beautiful.  Jeremy and I spent time talking more about how we are gong to find hope in this.  Our conversations are, by the way, are not casual and simple.  They almost always include tears and questions and yearnings.  Today, I wanted to change Ayden's diaper so badly....I wanted to bathe him....clothe him....hug him...kiss him....hear him...smell him....but I couldn't, and it tore me up.  Whenever I would hold Ayden, my heart would just swell with love for him....I never knew I could love so completely and fully.  I still feel that love...and the hard part is that I know he is gone, but I still FEEL him...I feel his presence...his life....his exhuberance....everything.  In a way I'm thankful for that because I get to feel that swelling of my heart, but at the same time, it is so painful because he isn't here to receive it. 

The days to come are going to be painful.

I will cry every day...several times a day.

I don't know when I wlll go in his room again.

I don't know how to move forward.

I don't want to live my life without my son.  I don't like that I don't have a choice. 

I don't like that my four month old had to experience death nor do I like that I had to experience his death.

I don't want to pack away his things.

I don't know how to live life without him.....because he was every part of my life.

Today, a yellow butterfly landed on me.  My cousin told me butterflies landing on you symbolized babies.  I hope it was Ayden saying, Mommy...I'm here....I love you....   I also hope it is a sign of happiness to come.  Jeremy and I want to add to our family again very soon.  Please pray that God finds it in His will to allow this to happen.  We don't want to feel this emptiness for long...although we will ache and cry for Ayden for the rest of our lives....he will never be replaced....but comfort will come with the joy of our future children.  

We covet your prayers at this time and in the days, weeks months ahead.  Pray for us to find strength in one another and to lean on each other.  Pray for the pain to ease, but the memories to remain.  Pray that God will see fit to bless us very soon with another little life to care for, nurture, and love in His name.  Just pray....because it's all we can do.  

88 comments:

  1. Im so sorry for your loss. Im at a loss for words, but just know we are praying for your family!

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  2. We are so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

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  3. Words can't express... so I won't try. But, thank you for sharing. I know that the power of prayer, even when you can't find the strength to yourself, or the words to utter, the prayers of others will help you day to day...moment to moment.

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  4. My heart aches to know you are having to go through this never-ending pain. It just isn't fair. You are still in my prayers.

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  5. Praying for you and hoping you will find peace and comfort in the days ahead.

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  6. Lindsay and Jeremy
    I just want you both to know that I have thought about you all day long.Today was a hard day at work.I would keep thinking about what you both had to say at the service.It was so moving.I can see how strong your faith is.I wish you guys lived closer.I know ya'll would be great friends to Brent and I.You don't hear many talk about the lord as you both do.I think that is awesome.I have faith but listening to you guys makes me wan't to make my faith stronger.I know this is so hard for the both of you.I lifted several prayers up to the lord today for your family.I pray that he answers them.

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  8. They say time in heaven is like a blink of an eye here on earth. Think about your beautiful boy sitting happily on the lap of the Lord, and by the time he turns to look for you, you will be there.

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  9. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. May God comfort you as only He can, and take your beautiful son into His loving arms until you meet again. I will pray for your family...

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  10. My thoughts and prayers are so with you guys right now. My husband and I have walked in your shoes. 18 years ago your story was our story. One of my first days back to work - 4 1/2 months old - our son - SIDS. I pray the peace from God will cover you during these days. There will be joy thru the sadness - He will show you the way. God Bless

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  11. My dear loved ones, I have thought of you continually since hearing of your loss. I pray that the Holy Spirit will let His presence be known to you in a very special way during the coming days. Always remember that Carolyn and I will always love you.

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  12. I am so incredibly sorry. My heart just aches for you. Please know strangers are praying for you and remembering your precious boy.

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  13. You have been in my thoughts and prayers since I read your last post. What a moment you had to share your faith with all those kids! I hope that someday you will find out how many lives were changed because of it!

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  14. Dear Jones Family,
    Someone sent me your blog after stumbling upon it. It broke my heart and brought me to tears to read about the loss of your beautiful son and the horrible and unimaginable pain you must be feeling right now. I will be praying for you and your family. I will be praying that you will go through the emotions involved with the loss of your son and that you will allow God to comfort you. He will not be disappointed if you choose to be angry nor will He turn His back on you if you choose to mourn your loss. He will open His loving arms to hold you during this time. Please be held and take time for Him to heal you. A friend of mine wrote the song "Held" on Natalie Grant's CD for a friend of her's who also lost her child. I hope this song will minister to you. Blessings and prayers to you.

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  15. we're here for you as you figure out the "new normal." anything you need next week, please call me. i'll be on my own (while justin's with his family for the week) and would be more than happy to come over or help out however i can. thinking of you and praying for you without ceasing.

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  16. Thank you for sharing...Praying for you and your family.

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  17. I found you via my friend Patrice's blog. I hope you know that so many people who don't even know you are weeping with you right now. May the God who had Ayden wrapped in His arms wrap YOU in His arms - tonight, in the morning, tomorrow night... may you feel His presence always as you find peace.

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  18. Sorry doesn't seem like the proper thing to say.
    Your little boy is beautiful. May you continue to find comfort in God and one another.
    Your family is in our prayers.

    Angela

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  19. I used to think "I don't deserve to have my daughter die of cancer." But later I was able to realize that I didn't "deserve" to have her in the first place. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. It was this thought that helped me be thankful for the time I had with my daughter rather than become bitter for the time I would have without her.
    You have embarked on an incredible (and unwelcome) journey of discovery. May you learn to focus on the unseen rather than the seen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:18)

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  20. You are in our prayers. I know that sounds... cliche, but sometimes, it's all I can offer. Our hearts are hurting for you tonight. Keep on keeping on.

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  21. Im so so sorry for your loss. Ayden is beautiful and is truely blessed to have such loving parents.
    I pray that you find peace and strength.

    Much love from my family to yours.

    A stranger in far away India,
    Gayathri

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  22. I am soo very sorry for your loss. God has blessed you with an amazing faith. I will pray that He continues to carry you through this terrible pain & tragedy. I'm so sorry....

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  23. thanks for the update. I will be thinking about you guys, and hoping for strength for you as well.

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  24. My heart aches for you!!!! I am lifting you and your family up in prayer!!

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  25. Thank you for updating us on how you are doing. I can't imagine your pain and pray that the peace of God will cover you both. I pray for your future dream of having another child--may God grant you the desires of your heart.
    (((hugs)))
    Jenn VH

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  26. Lindsay and Jeremy,

    I have been calling out your names and the names of your family all week, and will continue to do so. Your testimonies are both amazing, and I feel so privileged to say that I have known you both and seen you live out your faith. I hope I am not commenting too much between here and Facebook, but I want you to know how often I think of you, and pray for you, and cry for you. I cannot begin to understand what you are going through, but I just want you to know that I will keep praying for you. Ayden's life IS touching the lives of so many, and will continue to do so. He is truly a miracle. What amazing parents that sweet little boy has. You both are very special to me and have had a tremendous impact on my life since I was a pre-teen. I have always admired you both very much, and do so even more now. I love you and will keep praying.

    Love,
    Amanda Murray

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  27. We dont know each other ...we've never met
    but I come to You & Jeremy in prayer on behalf
    of your son Ayden. Our God is a loving God please
    cling to this. He will never abandon you he
    will hold Ayden througout. Loss can never be
    explained only experienced. I pray your pain
    eases and your memories stay strong. I pray
    God blesses You & Jeremy with life to add to
    your family. May Aydens love continue to
    surround you all the days of your lives. Until
    we are all called to Paradise to reunite with
    our loved ones I pray while here on earth God
    eases your pain. I am sorry for the loss of your
    son Ayden....

    Sincerely ...Barbara from NJ

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  28. Lindsay,

    I know between facebook and private messages, you have heard the same things from me over & over again. But I mean them from the bottom of my heart. Your most recent blog is just as heartwrenching as the one you wrote the day after Ayden's passing. I am in awe of you candidness and bravery to share your feelings with us. I am so very sorry for all of the things that you & Jeremy had to endure during Ayden's service & burial. I am also sorry for the void you and Jeremy are experiencing at home without your precious Ayden. And as I keep saying, I am so proud of you for having such faith in the Lord. You and Jeremy are so lucky to have what a lot of people don't... the Lord Jesus Christ. You're also lucky to have each other. I can see you two comforting and nurturing each other. My husband and I are praying for you several times a day and shedding tears for you. I'll never understand the pain you are experiencing. Our loving God will guide you every step of the way. You are so sweet and thoughtful... I just love your family!

    Love,
    Lauren Barnes

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  31. You do not know me, but know that I am praying for you and feel your pain so deeply...I cannot imagine what you are dealing with. I have suffered loss, but God is faithful. "For we do not mourn like those who have no hope..." 1 Thess. 4:13. If you have access to a copy of the book, "Mommy, Please Don't Cry," purchase it, treasure it and rest in the knowledge that Ayden is in the arms of his Father...

    Pray for your healing,
    dana shelton

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  32. Lindsay, we have never met, however we attend the Christ Church together. I was so very saddened and upset when I heard this incribibly sad news. Two weeks ago we sat just across the aisle from you, Jeremy, and sweet little Ayden. Ayden was cooing and "talking" so sweetly during church. I could not help but keep looking over at him, he was just so precious. That was the image that popped into my mind the moment I got this news. Lindsay, I am so sorry, I cannot imagine, and cannot even begin to fathom the strength, grace and dignity both of you have shown during this time. Ayden was truly a little angel on this earth and now he is one in Heaven. My family will continue to be in prayer for yours.

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  33. Lindsay and Jeremy,

    Your blog was sent to me via email with the subject line "Please pray for this family." Since Thursday, when I initially went onto your blog, I have re-visited numerous times just to check on you and see if you have written any updates. You do not know me, in fact I am writing from PA, but I feel as though I know you through your words. You have shown unbelievable strength, strength I know I would not have, in being able to update your blog and share your story with the world. Your baby was a beautiful gift from God and you showed him what it is to be loved. I am sure that God will bless you again. I will keep you and Ayden in my prayers. Just know that your family, and your faith, has touched many lives!

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  34. Lindsay and Jeremy,
    We continue to pray for peace and understanding for you, although there may not be some for a long time. We pray for your strength and for you to take it a day at the time. We ask for God to embrace you both and to continue to reassure you. Your faith is amazing and your story has touched and will continue to touch so many lives. Ayden was very precious and truly a gift from God. May God continue to bless you with love from good friends.

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  35. We will pray for ALL of those things!

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  36. I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be praying for your family. I do not know you personally but I am amazed at your strength to share your story; it is very admirable of you.

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  37. I am so sorry for your loss of Ayden. I can't imagine how you feel, but I know the Lord will help you through this. I am praying that the Lord gives you comfort though this difficult time.

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  38. We are so very sorry for your precious loss. But we Praise God for giving you strength through this...may it continue to "be well with you souls" as you are a light to others.
    May God bless you. Keep looking to Him. You are being used for His glory. Thank you, you are a delight and an encouragement :)
    May He heal your hearts in His perfect timing
    Love,
    The B Family

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  39. I'm so so sorry you have to endure this. I don't know what it's like because I've not been in your shoes. My heart breaks for you all. Know you are being wrapped in prayers ... all day long. I am praying you will add to your family very soon. I know it won't replace Ayden but it can't ever hurt to have someone else to love in the midst of your pain. Heaven is just a sweeter place now and one day you can introduce us to your sweet Ayden.

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  40. Lindsay, I pray that Jesus will work to take the pain away. We love you so much. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know we don't understand, but praise God there will one day be a reunion.

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  41. I have never met you, but your story has broken my heart. I am praying for you because I know the pain you are in can only be made bearable through Christ. You have a beautiful 'love story' and testimony that you told to your schooland I hope through this sadness that God uses your precious Ayden to bring others to him.

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  42. I am so sorry for your loss - Jeri told me this week and I am heart broken for you all.

    Blessings,

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  43. my prayers and those of my family are still being sent for you - May God surround you with his grace and peace.
    With much love - Jenny

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  44. I pray for peace for you and your husband. Know that healing comes in time and with future children. We lost our 7 week old son, Matthew. He is with the Lord and perfect, as is Ayden. We have had two healthy beautiful boys since that and we have found healing in the joy of them. My heart breaks for you!

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  45. I am so so sorry. My heart is breaking with you.
    Oh, how I vividly remember my son's funeral. Something we just shouldn't have to endure.

    There just aren't enough words to express my heartache for you and your husband. I am so sorry.

    I am praying for you.

    love,
    ebe

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  46. Dear Jones Family,
    I found your blog through a link a friend of mine had posted. I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss.

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  47. I'm so sorry for your loss. My identical twin sister was lost to SIDS 33 years ago today (I didn't even realize that today was the day until I typed that) and not a day goes by that my mother doesn't mourn for her, however, not a day goes by that her heart is not warmed by the thought of her as well. My heart is breaking for you as I send prayers your way.

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  48. SO, so sorry for your loss! I pray that ya'll will find strength in the days to come. I can't imagine what you are going through! I will be praying for your family!

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  49. So beautifully written. I don't know you or your family; but can feel the pain just reading your words. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. Your son is very precious. I pray for you and your husband. It sounds like you are a wonderful couple and loving parents. I pray that God will place another child in your arms very soon. Katie

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  50. I know there are no words that can truly comfort your family during this difficult time. I have been praying for you and your family. I can not imagine... It is a wonderful thing that you know the Lord, as you do know and understand that you will be with your son again some day. May God bless your family and give you strength.

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  51. I just saw a link to your blog on another one I was reading. I am SO sorry for your loss. I will add you to my prayer list. You have a beautiful angel to watch over you.

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  52. I don't even know how I came across your blog, and I am just in shock. I am incredibly touched by your love for your son. Ayden is a precious gift. I am praying for you. Strangers are sending out their love from all over. May His peace engulf you.

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  53. Lindsay, I want you to know that we have been honoring yours and Jeremy's wishes--we have hugged our girls, and took time to enjoy those moments. We recognize this life is so incredibly precious, and we never, ever want to take any of this for granted.

    We are heartbroken for you, but at the same time you were the examples I feel we are to be in Christ--looking for His will despite ridiculously hard times. I will always remember what incredible words you and Jeremy spoke, and how those words deeply impacted all of those people--and how you both constantly kept the focus on the reason we are here on this earth.

    I don't know if I could or would be as gracious.

    We love you and will continue to pray for you and Jeremy.

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  54. No words can express how sorry I am for the loss of your son. My heart is broken on your behalf, and you two, and your families, will be in my prayers.
    May God bless you, and bring you peace and comfort.

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  55. As I read your blog I'm in awe of the grace God has already given you and Jeremy. I just want you to know we will continue to pray for you and your entire famiy daily!
    Love in Christ,
    Teresa and Jeff Hedgepeth(Joel's mom and dad)

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  56. Thinking of you and sending thoughts your way. I cannot imagine your loss and your feelings. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You seem like a wonderful woman and mom.

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  57. The depth of your love and faith is amazing. I could not help but think as I read your words that this is how God loves you, too. God's heart breaks when He thinks that one of us may not be with Him for eternity. It took that kind of love to give up His own Son for us so that we could be with Him forever.

    I also think, as much as you and Jeremy love Ayden, Jesus loves him even more. That seems hard to believe, but I trust it is true. As attentive to him as you have been, Jesus has been watching over him, too. You were writing notes to him before he was born and Jesus knew him before he was born.

    Such a depth of love is rare, even between parents and children. But it is the kind of love that Jesus has for all men. I hope and pray that through Ayden's story some will come to know that love personally.

    You both know that you are loved at Christ's Church. We are blessed to have you as a part of the body. The bible says when one part of the body hurts, the whole body hurts. While we cannot come close to experiencing the sadness and pain you are in, our whole body is aching for you. We are praying for healing and comfort and peace. And we are praying that God grants you the desires of your hearts - more children to love and grow old with.

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  58. I'm am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little boy. We pray that God will give you peace. I came across your blog through another .. you might want to read as this family is someone who will give you faith, strength and friendship. http://www.therowefam.blogspot.com

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  59. Just came to your blog from Kim's blog - I know there really aren't any words to say to take away the pain of losing your child. I'm deeply sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you and Jeremy. May you find peace and comfort in each other and God.

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  60. I am so sorry this happened to you and your husband. A baby is such a precious gift and the sting of losing your baby must be so unbelievable and surreal. I watched the little video of your son having his first giggle and he was precious and amazing.

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  61. Sad with you, my sister in Christ, and encouraged by you allowing me to read about God in you and around you and your son.

    My heart has hurt for you all day, and I don't even know you. My prayers have been for peace and healing and a that Christ will continue to hold you so tightly and be ever pulling your eyes to his.

    Love from the NW,

    Amanda
    ____________
    Visiting from Patrice William's site (patriceandmattwwilliams.blogspot.com)

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  62. Your strength is a testament to your faith! No one should have to endure what you and your husband are going through. To think our life on earth is just ONE grain of sand along the beach! Oh how soon you will be rejoicing with your sweet baby boy in heaven along side our Heavenly Father! Lifting your family up in prayer tonight!!

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  63. Lindsay and Jeremy,
    I am a friend of Jeannie's. She has spoke of you and your beautiful Ayden several times. You don't know us but we have been praying for you and your family every day. There aren't many words that can comfort, only our Lord. Your blogging will bring much comfort as you remember all the joys that this little precious guy brought you. It is a great healing tool. You are an encouragement to everyone who reads your blogs, knowing it wasn't by choice. You have an amazing strength which is so evident in your writings. And your written love for your son is captivating. There are many you don't know, including my husband and I, that are hurting with you, crying with you and praying for you. God's strength, peace and comfort renew you everyday, we pray.

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  64. Lindsay and Jeremy,
    I am a friend of Jeannie's. She has spoke of you and your beautiful Ayden several times. You don't know us but we have been praying for you and your family every day. There aren't many words that can comfort, only our Lord. Your blogging will bring much comfort as you remember all the joys that this little precious guy brought you. It is a great healing tool. You are an encouragement to everyone who reads your blogs, knowing it wasn't by choice. You have an amazing strength which is so evident in your writings. And your written love for your son is captivating. There are many you don't know, including my husband and I, that are hurting with you, crying with you and praying for you. God's strength, peace and comfort renew you everyday, we pray

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  65. I’m typing this again b/c I don’t know if it went through. My heart just breaks for you guys. Almost a year ago we lost our son. Different circumstances, he was born w/ a heart defect and only lived for 16 days, but I know the agony you’re feeling right now. As you read everyone’s posts the tears fall down your cheeks. Wondering how you can go on without him. The awkwardness of having to talk to people and no one really knowing what to say. The void that has been left is just crushing. We’ve prayed for you at our church and I will continue to pray that God gives you the grace to get through each minute, each hour of the day. If you get to a point where you’d like to talk please e-mail me. I know you don’t know me, but sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not alone. My e-mail is amayes@embarqmail.com

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  66. God is working through you and your words. I am praying for your family and I am so sorry for your loss. I pray God continues to hold you up and stregthen you through out this hard time.

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  67. I will be praying for your family - for His peace and comfort.

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  68. I only know of you because my son works some with your mom. Its beyond my comprehension what you are feeling. I hope and pray you are pregnant again soon, not to replace this sweetie but because you sound like you would be a wonderful mom and your husband a wonderful dad...good luck to you both! I am so sorry altho that just does not sound like enough!

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  69. May God comfort you in these days. Praying for God's peace to surround you.

    Cindy

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  70. Jeremy and Lindsay,
    You don't know me. I am a high school acquantance of Jeremy's sister and your blog was passed to me through some co-workers. I wanted to let you both know that I and my husband are praying for you daily. We too have a small child (7 month old boy) and we cannot fathom, imagine, or even closely understand what the both of you are going through. I have cried with you as I have read your postings since Ayden's passing. I also was very saddened to watch the video celebrating his life. Saddened only because I seem to hurt a little bit with you. However, we will continue to pray that you find stregnth knowing that you both will see your beautiful little boy again. The Lord will be with you every step of the way as you learn to move on. Continue to stay strong in the Lord and with each other.

    Praying for you,
    Jennifer Boykin

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  71. I'm praying for you! I want you to know that reading your blog has taught me to cherish every day with my children. I don't know you, but I'm a friend of Lauren Barnes. I know that the Lord is with you and your family b/c I can tell that you love Him and put Him first in your life. I know He is going to Bless you even more!

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  73. I don't know you. I'm a friend of Kim Breault. I lost my 6 year old son a little over four months ago. Please know you are in my prayers. If you would like to talk I am more than happy to listen. Even though we all experience death differently I can understanding losing a child. Kathryn Moster 252-232-2842

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  74. I am in tears reading your blog and I don't know you at all. I feel the love and the hurt in your words. I have a 13 month old and I tell you, I don't know how I ever existed before her, she is my absolute everything. I grieve with you and I wish I could wrap my arms around you and help you somehow get through this but only the love of our God, support of friends and family and mostly time will heal you. You will never be the same but take comfort in knowing you will see your little boy again someday. My whole heart and prayers are with you and I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

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  75. I feel for you and your family! I will be praying for you! Thanks for being so open with your life! I definitely will make sure to tell my kids how much they mean to me. Each moment is a gift! Thanks for reminding me of that! My the God of comfort wrap you in his arms through all of this!

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  76. Just came over from Patrice's blog to say I will be praying for you today. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

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  77. I am so sorry for your loss. You seem to have an amazing outlook on life. This should never happen to anyone and I am so so sorry.

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  78. I don't know you but my heart is broken into a million pieces for you and your husband! I never knew the love a mother could have for her child until I had my little girl three months ago and to know that Ayden was only one month older just kills me. That's just not enough time! Your strength appears to be amazing. I know it is only possible with God's love. I will be praying for you and I hope your heart hurts a little less every day! I know God will bless you will another bundle of joy to love. Ayden was absolutely precious!

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  79. My heart breaks for you and your strength amazes me.
    Reading your blog has made me appreciate (even more) the time with my baby. I realize now how precious each and every moment is with her. Thank you for sharing.
    God bless, you are in my prayers.

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  80. Prayers for you and your family.....

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  81. Hi Lindsay and Jeremy. You guys don't know me, but I wanted to let you know that I read your blog, and today I cried with you and prayed for you- for God's incomprehensible peace, for his comfort, his hope, and as you requested, for a new little life to be yours in his perfect timing. My husband and I are first time parents to a 3 month old girl, and my heart aches so much for you. I will never take a moment for granted. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  82. Your story wrenched my heart. I am so sorry for your extreme loss. I appreciate your obvious faith thru it though. Be strong in the Lord. He WILL give comfort.

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  83. You are in our Prayers Im so sorry to hear this I don't have kids But my Sister has a little Boy and him and Ayden were only 1 week apart I Know that Our Family would be Crushed If something Like this Happens I just pray that God Gives you Peace and Guidance God Bless you and your Family

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  84. Gosh I have no words, only tears. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

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  85. Lindsay, I'm so sorry that you have to know this pain. I know your heart aches for him every day. I wish I could make it better. (((hugs)))

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