3 Years

It has been 3 years....

3 years since I told him goodnight for the last time.

3 years since he slept on my chest and I soaked in those sweet baby sighs in the middle of the night.

3 years, 3 months, and 27 days since he was born.  And tomorrow is the day we said goodbye.  The day we never, ever imagined would happen and at times seems like a dream.

I find myself sometimes caught in between reality and that "dream."  Was he really here?  Were we really that blissfully happy and naive?  Did we really experience the death of a child?  And then, it all slaps me in the face oh so gracefully.  I know it happened because I feel the sting of it every single day.

It hurts now like it did then.

My heart aches and breaks and shatters still.

It has been 3 years, BUT....we are 3 years closer to him.  3 years closer to eternity.  Every year without him is one step closer to being together again.  That doesn't make it hurt any less, but it definitely makes the hope that much sweeter.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't see this smile.  I think of Ayden every single day.  I miss him every day.  And I continue to love and mother him through it all.  He has taught me so much and made me the person I am today.  His purpose in this life continues to be fulfilled.  What an amazing gift - our cherished little boy and our treasure awaiting us in Heaven.  I love you so much, sweet boy.  I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.