Still here.

I haven't given up on the blog.  I'm still here....just super busy (and tired).  My only free moment during the day is on the off-chance that I've been able to get both kids to nap at the same time.  And then if they do, I usually join in.  Then, by the time they are in bed, toys are picked up, dishes cleaned, other household chores done, I've gotten a shower and finally eaten (which doesn't happen until 9pm if I don't work it out to eat earlier), it's 11pm, and I'm exhausted and anticipating Charlotte's next feeding, which is usually between 1 and 3am.

I have one full week left in my maternity leave.  That could also have something to do with my lack of blogging.  I'm trying to cherish every second.  Although, I don't feel like I'm doing so well at that.  I'm getting better at balancing two kids, but it's tough.  I feel bad when Collen looks at me and says, "Sit down, Mommy.  Do puzzle." or wants me to jump, run, play....anything to interact with him.  He is good at entertaining himself, but I know he enjoys having a playmate (aka Mommy) to enjoy it with.  :( When Charlotte is napping, I'm usually getting a meal prepared, a snack prepared, using the bathroom (I know!! God forbid!!), trying to squeeze in some cleaning.  Don't think I don't play with the child, though.  I do! :)  Today, we did puzzles, played with his inflatable sword (that he calls banana and uses as a boat...haha), took Sesame Street characters for a ride in his bus, and he educated me on his cars.  I know I don't have to entertain him all the time; it's good for him to play by's where his huge imagination can be put to use.  But I do feel guilty that I can't spend the time with him that I used to.  He actually told me to put Charlotte to bed the other day....he was very upset that I couldn't do what he wanted me to do at that moment.  That's when my heart breaks a little bit.  However, I know he is also testing and pushing me.  He's two, and he's learning how to manipulate ("Be nice to Collen" - imagine your toddler saying THAT to you. Oh....who wouldn't be tempted to do anything in the world for them in that moment!?)  We're working on discipline and trying to figure out strategies that he understands.  Today, we did time out.  He somewhat understood why he had to sit down and couldn't get up, and he was obedient.  Very proud of him.  He is becoming quite resistant at times, so I'm having to stay firm.  Parenting....tough, tough job, but definitely rewarding in the good moments...and even the tough ones when you realize you're providing your children with structure and values that they will grasp and appreciate....someday.

So, I'm still here.  I promise to share a lot of photos soon!  Charlotte is 7 weeks old!  Where in the world did the time go?!  She is growing more and more beautiful every single day, and she looks so much like Ayden, it's scary.  I told a friend the other day that I am confident that God made her a girl because she looks so much like Ayden.  If she was a boy and dressed in blue/boy clothes, I'd mistake her for him all the time (except the dark hair and long fingers).  She smiles like him, moves her mouth the way he did, has a temperament like his, and so much more.  It is a sweet, sweet reminder and helps me feels so close to him by all of the flashbacks it brings to mind.

Hope you all are well.  And I hope you'll see another post from me, soon!

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