Where have I been??

To my faithful readers (and to know that I actually do have faithful readers is just so humbling...).....I promise, I'm still here.

I was trying to fall asleep last night (takes a while....) and reviewing my day in my head....and I thought, "Wow...I haven't blogged in a while." I wouldn't say my life is so boring I just don't have anything to write about, but really....we're just doing the same old thing these days. Yesterday, I realized that Collen and I hadn't gotten out of the house for 4 days...FOUR DAYS!! No two people should be cooped up that long! So, we got out. Getting both of us ready is a feat in and of itself....he ended up getting a bath while I showered. (Hey...two birds...one stone...worked well) Because these days, he doesn't let me out of his sight without a major fit quickly following. *sigh*

We're still working on sleeping. It broke my heart to do it...I said I wouldn't....but I had to let him cry it out the other night. I felt like such a terrible mom. He wakes up several times in the night and it's just because he needs to know that I haven't left him. Usually, I'll pick him up, snuggle him a little, then lay him back down and he's good....he goes right back to sleep. Well, this one night in particular, that method didn't work. As soon as I laid him down, he was crying again. Mind you....this was after midnight, and I hadn't been asleep yet....I was more than tired and so ready to go to sleep. So, I finally laid him down and then laid myself down. He is still in our room (because he's still on the apnea monitor), so he was only a few feet away. I told Jeremy, "He's just going to have to cry. He has to learn how to sleep on his own." Really, at almost 8 months old, he's old enough to learn how to. So, he cried....and cried....and cried...for 20 minutes. It felt like hours. He sounded more mad than upset, but I knew that eventually, he would give up, and he did. He slept the rest of the night after that. Last night, he woke up around 9:45....same deal....had to let him cry....he let out 4 big cries, rolled over to his side....and went back to sleep. He didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning!!!! IN HIS OWN BED!!! I think we're getting somewhere people!!

Now, I have to tackle nap time. I'm going to go ahead and confess....he naps in our bed....with me next to him. A while back, when napping was our big issue, this was the only way he would nap. It didn't bother me, because it gave me a chance to rest. Well, now that he's older and associating more things....he needs to associate his crib with napping instead of our bed. :( This one is going to be tough because he naps so easily in our bed. I may have to tackle this one next week....ugh...dreading it.

This morning, Collen woke up with a fever of 101.3. He had no other symptoms, just a fever and acting puny. So, I called the doctor's office to get him in and have him checked out. I was sure he probably had an ear infection, and so was the doctor, but she checked him, and he was fine. So, not sure where that came from, but he's acting fine....playing and eating well....wants his mommy just a little more than usual, but who doesn't when they're not feeling all that well?

So, that's what's been going on in our little life. Aside from all of this busyness.....Ayden's birthday is on our minds 24/7. I keep forgetting that my birthday is coming up....people keep asking me what I want to do....and really, I don't care about my birthday. I don't know that my birthday will ever be all that important to me again....because now, in my mind, it's just..."the day before Ayden's birthday." He's not here for me to celebrate with, plan with, sing to.....get excited for.....the only thing I can do is honor him on HIS day....which means my day really doesn't hold weight anymore....because in my mind, I always go back to, "This day (my birthday) 2 years ago....I was in labor, anxiously anticipating the arrival of our first baby." When Ayden started his journey on my birthday 2 years ago....it wasn't my day anymore....it became his day...forever. And I'm happy with that. It's a connection we'll always share. It's hard....and my birthday is very bittersweet....but my birthday holds a dear meaning for Ayden and myself...something we'll always share. So, with that said....needless to say, my mind is moving in a million directions these days. Enjoying Collen and the huge blessing he is in our lives every single day.....oh, and looking for a new job for the coming school year (stressfull!!!)....and anticipating yet another birthday without my precious Ayden. It's enough to engulf even the best of multi-taskers.

Most days, I have moments where I'm completely shut off from what's happening at that moment...I kind of drift off....thinking about the fact that 2 years ago, he was born....and what he would be like now....and how desperately I miss him. Then, I come back and am back in the moment again. I guess it's my heart and mind's way of processing it...little by little. I hope you are all doing well. Spring break is almost upon us (next Thursday starts Jeremy's), and I'm so looking forward to having Jeremy home. Maybe we can actually get some things accomplished around here! (mwuahaha....he thought he was going to get a break.....ha!)

If you would, please pray for some dear friends of ours. One of my dearest childhood friends (he and I were Mary and Joseph EVERY SINGLE YEAR in the church Christmas play...for about 12 years) has just been deployed to Afghanistan for a year. He and his family are stationed in Alaska. Waiting for him at home are his wife and his 3 boys. I've followed their journey through his wife's blog and facebook postings, and I know...for me...how heart-wrenching it has been to anticipate this day alongside them....I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for his wife and his boys. They are faithful believers and they have carefully planned and prepared themselves for this, but even with the best of preparations....it's still hard. Please pray for his safety and the safety of those who have been deployed with him, and please pray for his family as well as the families of the soldiers he is serving with. Their service is so appreciated.