Where have I been? Here are some phrases that sum up my last 2 weeks:
Started back to work
Having to relive my first year of teaching.....feeling like I am barely keeping my head above water
Hurricane Irene - fortunately we had very little damage
Charger for computer crashed....waiting for new one to arrive
Collen transitioning to daycare
Collen running 103+ degree temp for a week
Collen cutting 5 - YES FIVE- teeth
12 month shots while teething and running a fever
To sum up the past 2 weeks in one word: exhausting.
And now our dog - Gracie- is missing and I am heart broken :( I am praying she will come back.
Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers.....and for always remembering Ayden.
Once my computer is working again, I promise a one year old pic of Collen!
August 25, 2011
My Dearest Ayden,
Facing today may not have seemed difficult for me on the outside looking in, but I fought back tears all day. I couldn't fight the tears, though, when I told my first group of students about you. I had looked at my watch and realized that it was only minutes from being 2 years, officially. They were touched by your story, and I was relieved to share you with them....it was a way for me to be with you today. I talked about you throughout the day, and I remembered our wonderful times together. Of course, it's difficult to face today without thinking about what happened, but I was able to focus more on our future....together. Each day that passes is a day closer to you....what comfort I find in that!!
It was so hard to go back to work today. I was missing my boys. I wanted you in my arms, and I wanted your little brother in them as well. I wish so much that I could see the two of you together. I feel robbed of so many things. I feel heartache and joy at one time, and I find myself balancing grief and happiness a lot these days. To say I miss you doesn't even touch the longing I feel for you each day. I still watch families and wonder.....what could have been? I still ache when I see a little boy the age you should be. I watch them play and giggle and being such boys....and I just miss you. I miss the future we could have had together here, but I find hope through imaging the future we will have for eternity. I constantly ask Jesus to return quickly....tomorrow would be great.
I love you more than ever. The love and adoration I have for you continues to grow with each passing day. I am so, so proud of you....my first born. I will forever acknowledge you. You made me who I am. You showed me the absolute bliss that motherhood is and the completion that exists between mother and child. I know that while you were here (and even now) I loved you recklessly....with every ounce of my being. Losing you didn't change that. I love you and you brother in that same way.....no holding back, loving you both fully and deeply. It is the most amazing thing I will ever experience.
This day will never be easy. So many people were thinking of and remembering you today. Prayers were lifted for our family. You might have heard some talk of it up there...maybe? You are so loved...it's awesome. God has touched so many lives through you, and we are so, so proud of you for that. We are probably the proudest parents a kid could ask for!
Wait for us....we will see you soon. We'll be the ones racing to get to you!
Love always,
Mommy
Facing today may not have seemed difficult for me on the outside looking in, but I fought back tears all day. I couldn't fight the tears, though, when I told my first group of students about you. I had looked at my watch and realized that it was only minutes from being 2 years, officially. They were touched by your story, and I was relieved to share you with them....it was a way for me to be with you today. I talked about you throughout the day, and I remembered our wonderful times together. Of course, it's difficult to face today without thinking about what happened, but I was able to focus more on our future....together. Each day that passes is a day closer to you....what comfort I find in that!!
It was so hard to go back to work today. I was missing my boys. I wanted you in my arms, and I wanted your little brother in them as well. I wish so much that I could see the two of you together. I feel robbed of so many things. I feel heartache and joy at one time, and I find myself balancing grief and happiness a lot these days. To say I miss you doesn't even touch the longing I feel for you each day. I still watch families and wonder.....what could have been? I still ache when I see a little boy the age you should be. I watch them play and giggle and being such boys....and I just miss you. I miss the future we could have had together here, but I find hope through imaging the future we will have for eternity. I constantly ask Jesus to return quickly....tomorrow would be great.
I love you more than ever. The love and adoration I have for you continues to grow with each passing day. I am so, so proud of you....my first born. I will forever acknowledge you. You made me who I am. You showed me the absolute bliss that motherhood is and the completion that exists between mother and child. I know that while you were here (and even now) I loved you recklessly....with every ounce of my being. Losing you didn't change that. I love you and you brother in that same way.....no holding back, loving you both fully and deeply. It is the most amazing thing I will ever experience.
This day will never be easy. So many people were thinking of and remembering you today. Prayers were lifted for our family. You might have heard some talk of it up there...maybe? You are so loved...it's awesome. God has touched so many lives through you, and we are so, so proud of you for that. We are probably the proudest parents a kid could ask for!
Wait for us....we will see you soon. We'll be the ones racing to get to you!
Love always,
Mommy
2 years...
2 years ago, tonight, I kissed him goodnight for the last time.
2 years ago, tomorrow, we had to say goodbye.
Missing my Ayden so, so much.
Tomorrow is another August 25th. Another first day with students while I'm away from my child. Another reminder of the tragedy we lived through and continue to live each day. A reminder of the big brother who should be here.
Hard to believe it's been 2 years. It feels like I've lived an eternity without him already.
2 years ago, tomorrow, we had to say goodbye.
Missing my Ayden so, so much.
Tomorrow is another August 25th. Another first day with students while I'm away from my child. Another reminder of the tragedy we lived through and continue to live each day. A reminder of the big brother who should be here.
Hard to believe it's been 2 years. It feels like I've lived an eternity without him already.
He's ONE!! Happy Birthday Collen!!
Today, Collen is a year old!!! It was surreal to wake up and see my little baby boy...and realize he's been with us for an entire year! In any other instance, a year wouldn't seem like such a long time, but it has flown by so quickly! We've learned so much about Collen over the past year. He has taught us selflessness, how to play again, the importance of laughter, and the genuine love that only a child can share with his parents....and vice versa. He is such a delight, and we consider him to be a blessing and a miracle! God brought Collen into our lives at the perfect time - a time when we needed him the most, and he has brought light, laughter, and joy back into our hearts and our lives.
I'll update tomorrow with his 12 month "Collen-isms." Until then, enjoy some pictures from his birthday party (we went with a sock monkey theme!!) and his birthday!! He had a wonderful party and did brilliantly the entire time! He loved his cake (which was by far the healthiest birthday cake I've ever seen! Score for mommy!!), and he seemed to truly enjoy the friends and family who were they to celebrate such a special occasion!
The party was held at our church in the youth meeting area - "The Loft." It was the perfect place for a birthday party!
Eating lunch
And now...the cake!
"Mmmmmm!!! Mom and dad have been holding out on me!"
Opening gifts. He was more interested in playing with the other kids who were playing with his gifts. ;)
Happy Birthday!!
Shortly after being woken up by mommy...snapping pictures and exclaiming, "Happy Birthday!!!"
Mommy's boy...
I'll update tomorrow with his 12 month "Collen-isms." Until then, enjoy some pictures from his birthday party (we went with a sock monkey theme!!) and his birthday!! He had a wonderful party and did brilliantly the entire time! He loved his cake (which was by far the healthiest birthday cake I've ever seen! Score for mommy!!), and he seemed to truly enjoy the friends and family who were they to celebrate such a special occasion!
The party was held at our church in the youth meeting area - "The Loft." It was the perfect place for a birthday party!
Eating lunch
And now...the cake!
"Mmmmmm!!! Mom and dad have been holding out on me!"
Opening gifts. He was more interested in playing with the other kids who were playing with his gifts. ;)
Happy Birthday!!
Shortly after being woken up by mommy...snapping pictures and exclaiming, "Happy Birthday!!!"
Mommy's boy...
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