I'm not doing such a great job of updating my blog these days. I have my reasons, which definitely include laziness, too little time, and pure exhaustion.
It's not that I'm lacking in quality information to write about....I just don't have a lot of time. But, tonight, on this beautiful Saturday night, I am MAKING time!
I struggle a lot with the purpose of my blog. I have a lot of readers (if you're still sticking with me!) who came to my blog after Ayden passed away: grieving mothers who could relate to the anguish and felt less alone by reading the words of another hurting mother; friends and family who just wanted to be connected to me without having to constantly ask me how I was doing; countless others who came across our story and followed our story as prayer warriors and quiet encouragers. Now, 2 years have passed since Ayden went to Heaven, Collen was born, another chapter has been added to our story, and although our hearts are less broken than they were.....we are still a family living with loss. We are affected by it every day. But our lives do not revolve around that loss as much as they once did.
So, I struggle....because I want to be sensitive to those who have also lost a child....looking for hope, strength, and encouragement. I don't want to flood my blog with images of us that make it appear that we have moved beyond the grief....updates on Collen and how happy we are that make it seem like we have everything we ever wanted.....images and information that I know (because I've been there) are difficult for grieving mothers/parents to read and see.
I do my best to be sure I update my blog with both information about our life with Collen and how life with a child after loss is...difficulties and joys. And I also try to continue to update on our loss and how we continue to cope. As I've said, the loss of a child isn't something you move past. Not saying you move past any type of loss....but this type is just different. There's no closure to it....
It boggles my mind that people actually ask grieving parents why they can't get over it!! Or tell them they need to get over it. Really?!
Anyway....I will continue to do my best to update my blog....with Collen AND Ayden posts....because my heart beats for both of them. <3
Speaking of my boys....see the following (actually they will post above/before this one in blogger's order) posts about them both. :)