A word to my followers...

When I write, I don't really think about who will be reading the words I write. I know they will be read, but this blog has always just been an outlet for me. It didn't matter to me whether anyone read it or not.

But people DO.

And that humbles the mess out of me.

I read every single comment, and I think to myself, "Who am I to deserve such kind words, encouragement, and the sweet prayers of others?"

Thank you doesn't begin to express my gratitude. I have become connected with so many wonderful, life-changing people through my blog. And, as many of you so kindly tell me, (this is where I become so humbled and feel so undeserving) that through my blog your life has been touched or the life of someone else has been touched.....etc.

I've been sitting here for the past while just thinking of all of you and how you have changed my life. Your support, encouragement, goodness, and kindness have kept me going through really dark times. Your prayers have taken me through the good and bad days. And when you continue to tell me that you think of us or that you think of Ayden regularly....oh, it just touches me so dearly.

All I ever wanted was for Ayden to change lives. And he did that. He's still doing that. Thank you for reminding me of that so often.

I was reading Mary Beth Chapman's book, "Choosing to SEE." I'm still working through it. I had to take a break from it for a little bit so I could process everything. I'm getting to the part about when they brought Maria home. I believe it was Maria they were talking about when she said that they knew her name just fit her. When they heard her name, their hearts just felt so full and they knew she was their child. When I read that, chills just spread all over me.

Ayden's name was the same for us. I had considered so many names....as most girls do. But I remember putting Ayden's name together, and the first time I said, Ayden Brooks Jones out loud, I knew....that's my son's name. My heart felt so full of love for this little boy who didn't even exist....yet. God knew, even long before Ayden was born, that that name would touch me deeply. You can chalk it up to the fact that I was just planning for my first born and we all go through the process of picking names....the first is always going to be special. This is true, but Ayden's name was chosen years before we even began to plan for him. I considered other names, but I never let go of his....I knew our first child was going to be my Ayden.

As his birthday approaches, I can't imagine him at 2 years old. I feel like he would be such an easy-going child. He was so laid back and reserved but also such a happy baby. I think he would be a helper....always helping mommy and wanting to bring me gifts and surprises. I think he would have been a thinker....always contemplating things and thinking about how things work. He would have been big for his age, but I just can't picture him. In my mind, he'll always be 4 months old.

That's one thing Jeremy and I have always shared....we have never been able to imagine Ayden older than 4 months old. Even when we had him and we had those 4 beautiful months together....not once could we think to the future. We both thought it was weird because isn't that what parents do? Think about their child at 1, 2, 5, 10.....thinking about what that child will be like, what he/she will look like, what their mannerisms will be, etc. We can do that with Collen....easily. But with Ayden, we never could. Looking back, I think I understand why. God allowed Ayden to be born at a time when we could wrap ourselves up in him. We spent almost every moment of every day with him, and we spent every day living in the moment. Just soaking him in. I'm forever grateful for that. It has allowed us to parent Collen in the same way....and even deeper. If you have kids....I encourage you cherish every moment....every, single, moment. There's nothing more precious....nothing.

Anyway, I've veered from my initial purpose of this post.

Thank you all for becoming a part of our extended family and for continuing to keep us in your prayers...and most of all for remembering Ayden.

Love to you all!



  1. love to you my friend. this post moved me to tears. i have always been grateful for the time - the 4.5 months - i had with Julius. i did cherish every moment with him, so i understand what you mean. i hate that we have to live in this world without our baby boys. it breaks my heart over and over.

    ♥ Ayden ♥

  2. Hello! I do not believe a thank you on my behalf will even begin to repay what you and Ayden have done for me personally. But thank you so much for sharing your life and story with us. I am honoured you class us as your extended family!

    I pray for all four of you regularly and will always do so.
    p.s. Collen is one cute kiddo!

  3. I have felt the same way about my blog. It's been an escape for me.. a place where I can be vulnerable and free.. I never imagined the people I would meet and the ever growing support that has blossomed. Like you, I want my Savanna to be remembered and for people to speak her name and know her story.. and that's happening!!

    It's so wonderful that you are able to have that too :)

    Lastly, I know all too well that feeling you had. Of not being able to picture your Aayden beyond his age. I had a lot of trouble too.. For some reason I had this funny feeling always in the pit of my stomach that Savanna wasn't going to be here for a long time. I could never picture putting her on the bus or picking her up from school.. taking her to dance practice etc.. I never spoke of it out loud.. I just figured I was paranoid firt-time mommy! Than after she died, I talked about it with my husband..and along he felt the same way but pushed it aside.

    I like to think it was God whispering in my ear.. That somehow He was trying to prepare us for what was to come. I now leave my heart and mind more open to hear those whispers.

    Thinking of you..

  4. I have followed your blog since your first post after you lost Ayden. Your story has changed the lives of your readers in many ways. My twin girls were born just a day before Ayden so I feel very connected to your stroy.

    I have to remember your family and many others when I have a hard time parenting my girls. I have to remind myself to live in the moment and love every second of it because we really never know how much time we have. Keep on writing and allowing it to help you and your readers.

  5. I'm always thinking of Ayden and your family. Especially when I think of my husband's first son who died of SIDS. I see his pain quite often over losing his son. We are expecting our 1st child together and I can completely understand when you say you never could picture a future with Ayden. For some reason, I can't see my child past the age of maybe 2. I thought I was the only one. I'm sure there is a reason for it, but I hope that I never find out. I love reading your blog...good days and bad.

  6. Lindsay,

    I recently became a follower of your blog, well to be honest I just started reading blogs. I am so amazed at the faith that you and your husband continue to have after you endured such a loss. You are truly an inspiration and I know that your story and testimony will help others restore their faith in God. Ayden was placed on this earth of a reason, he has touched the lives of many thus far and has so many more lives to touch as well. Although we are strangers, we are sisters through Christ and I will be praying for you and your family! May God's healing love continue to pour over you...

  7. Lindsay, I rarely comment, but check in nearly every day. I first came to your blog when your cousin Jeannie asked for prayers when you lost your beautiful boy. I've so enjoyed reading your story since then. Thank you so much for sharing with those of us who you don't even know.

  8. I read about five blogs, because of my daughter's blog, and beside hers, yours is my favorite! It gets me through the hard days when Jessica is having a hard time. You have truly shown me how faith plays such an important role in our lives...keep it coming, Lydsay...you will never know how you and sweet baby Ayden have touched so many other lives...
    MK Hucko

  9. Ayden is touching so many lives. Thank you for sharing your story.