When I write, I don't really think about who will be reading the words I write. I know they will be read, but this blog has always just been an outlet for me. It didn't matter to me whether anyone read it or not.
But people DO.
And that humbles the mess out of me.
I read every single comment, and I think to myself, "Who am I to deserve such kind words, encouragement, and the sweet prayers of others?"
Thank you doesn't begin to express my gratitude. I have become connected with so many wonderful, life-changing people through my blog. And, as many of you so kindly tell me, (this is where I become so humbled and feel so undeserving) that through my blog your life has been touched or the life of someone else has been touched.....etc.
I've been sitting here for the past while just thinking of all of you and how you have changed my life. Your support, encouragement, goodness, and kindness have kept me going through really dark times. Your prayers have taken me through the good and bad days. And when you continue to tell me that you think of us or that you think of Ayden regularly....oh, it just touches me so dearly.
All I ever wanted was for Ayden to change lives. And he did that. He's still doing that. Thank you for reminding me of that so often.
I was reading Mary Beth Chapman's book, "Choosing to SEE." I'm still working through it. I had to take a break from it for a little bit so I could process everything. I'm getting to the part about when they brought Maria home. I believe it was Maria they were talking about when she said that they knew her name just fit her. When they heard her name, their hearts just felt so full and they knew she was their child. When I read that, chills just spread all over me.
Ayden's name was the same for us. I had considered so many names....as most girls do. But I remember putting Ayden's name together, and the first time I said, Ayden Brooks Jones out loud, I knew....that's my son's name. My heart felt so full of love for this little boy who didn't even exist....yet. God knew, even long before Ayden was born, that that name would touch me deeply. You can chalk it up to the fact that I was just planning for my first born and we all go through the process of picking names....the first is always going to be special. This is true, but Ayden's name was chosen years before we even began to plan for him. I considered other names, but I never let go of his....I knew our first child was going to be my Ayden.
As his birthday approaches, I can't imagine him at 2 years old. I feel like he would be such an easy-going child. He was so laid back and reserved but also such a happy baby. I think he would be a helper....always helping mommy and wanting to bring me gifts and surprises. I think he would have been a thinker....always contemplating things and thinking about how things work. He would have been big for his age, but I just can't picture him. In my mind, he'll always be 4 months old.
That's one thing Jeremy and I have always shared....we have never been able to imagine Ayden older than 4 months old. Even when we had him and we had those 4 beautiful months together....not once could we think to the future. We both thought it was weird because isn't that what parents do? Think about their child at 1, 2, 5, 10.....thinking about what that child will be like, what he/she will look like, what their mannerisms will be, etc. We can do that with Collen....easily. But with Ayden, we never could. Looking back, I think I understand why. God allowed Ayden to be born at a time when we could wrap ourselves up in him. We spent almost every moment of every day with him, and we spent every day living in the moment. Just soaking him in. I'm forever grateful for that. It has allowed us to parent Collen in the same way....and even deeper. If you have kids....I encourage you cherish every moment....every, single, moment. There's nothing more precious....nothing.
Anyway, I've veered from my initial purpose of this post.
Thank you all for becoming a part of our extended family and for continuing to keep us in your prayers...and most of all for remembering Ayden.
Love to you all!