As we moved into our new house, people were moving stuff everywhere! Everywhere I turned, there were more boxes and more stuff. I had no idea how we were going to even begin to find a place for it all.
So far, our room is pretty much set up. The living room is getting there. We're having spacial issues in there, so we're trying to figure out how to make our furniture work with the space. The kitchen is a work in progress. We had a pretty spacious pantry in our old house. We don't have a pantry in this house, which is presenting some issues. I have some ideas, though....
The guest bedroom and Collen's room are both still a mess. There is a path to the changing table in Collen's room, but that's about it. He sleeps in our room, though, so the only reason we have for going into his room right now is to get clothes for him. His room is the next one I will tackle....probably tomorrow.
Anyway, as I was looking around at all of the boxes....all of our belongings....I became overwhelmed with sadness. Because, here we were, moving into a new house.....making a new start...moving forward...without Ayden.
All of his stuff was in storage boxes, and I was standing there wondering what to do with it all. Both of my boys should have a room in our new house. I should be unpacking Ayden's things and setting them up for him in his big boy room. Now, I'm left wondering how I will bring myself to put some of it away into a closet somewhere. We have a trunk that a lot of the special items will go into, and for that I'm thankful, but you should never have to reduce your life with your child into a box.
I go into our nursery and it isn't Ayden's room anymore.
It was as if Ayden didn't have a place in our new house. In our old house, I could go into HIS room and feel closer to him. It was still his space...filled with his things....filled with our memories with him. Just realizing all of it made me ache all over, and I missed him more in that moment than I ever have before. I had to remove myself from the group for a few moments to just let it all out and then regain my composure.
I just miss him. And life will never be the same without him.