Introducing....


82 comments
Ayden's little brother - or - sister....

Yes, God has blessed us with another miracle. We are in awe; we are excited; we are terrified; we continue to mourn....sometimes more heavily now that we are taking this step forward without Ayden here.
I am 13 weeks along - so I am entering my 2nd trimester. My due date is August 31. It was no secret that we wanted another baby as soon as God saw fit to bless us. Although it only took us 3 months, it seemed like forever, and we were quickly losing patience. Considering the circumstances, I think that's understandable. On December 21, I decided to take a test....fully anticipating another negative but hopeful that God would bless us with a Christmas miracle in light of our first Christmas without Ayden. To my surprise, I saw two little pink lines. I couldn't believe it. It is definitely a Christmas we will never forget....for several reasons. We decided to keep our news to ourselves (and a few select others) until we were sure that the pregnancy was viable and that all was okay. We had some concerns in the beginning, but we trudged through. At 9 weeks we heard the heart beat, and this past Monday we got the above picture of #2. He/she was jumping all over the place....barely staying still long enough for the ultrasound tech. to get a good read on things. (I did the Down's Syndrome screening....I knew it included another ultrasound, so why not?) Everything came back fine, and this little jumping bean continues to thrive.

I had been debating this post....wondering when/if I should make this announcement. However, I knew that eventually, I'd have to. So much of what we deal with day to day has to do with this little peanut who now resides in my belly. This little one is the reason I haven't been able to write much lately. First, because I knew that I would eventually slip up and give it away. Second, it's just hard. The second child is supposed to be such a happy anticipation....one of reminiscing about all the wonderful memories with your first. Well, our situation, obviously, is different. We have wonderful memories of Ayden. Memories we will treasure forever....probably memories that will outlast those of our future children. But we also have very sad memories; memories of pain, anger, brokenness, and fear.
After we lost Ayden, I began to wonder if we were just undeserving of such happiness. We had ultimate joy for 4 months (13 counting the pregnancy....and we certainly do count it!). Four months of absolute bliss.....and then it was gone. And I did secretly wonder if we just didn't deserve it. I know that isn't true, but when it's taken so abruptly, you can't help but wonder such things.
Now, with this one coming, new fears have emerged. It's clear to us that we aren't promised tomorrow. My prayer since finding out about this new little one has been, "Please, let us keep this one." I don't know how many times I've asked that over and over again. Getting to the four month mark will be the first step. The second step will be trust - having enough trust to let this one out of our sight even for a short length of time. I know I won't be able to leave this one for at least the first year. I just won't. And unless you've lost a child, you don't understand my NEED to be with this child 24/7.
It's definitely bittersweet. On one hand, we are thrilled to even have this opportunity to have another child. My heart just aches for couples I've met through blogging who don't have this opportunity. It's so unfair. We are also saddened because we know this child won't be Ayden. We know this child will bring new joy, a new personality, new quirks, and while fully look forward to finding out who this child is......it saddens us because no other child will ever be Ayden. I hope I'm wording that right. We don't resent this child at all.....not in any way are we disappointed. We just wish we could have this one and Ayden, too.
Please pray for us as this is a daily struggle. Our news went out today at church, and I was so nervous about the reactions we would get. We put off telling people for so long for that very reason. We were afraid of the reactions. We didn't want the excitement over this child to overshadow the excitement over Ayden - because for some reason - to us - if people seemed more excited about this one, it would seem as if they had forgotten Ayden. Again, if you've been there....you understand. We also didn't want to people to hear our news and automatically think that this makes everything okay - you know, "Oh, they're fine now - they have another one to look forward to." No.....this doesn't not make it easier. If anything, this makes it harder. We are moving forward without Ayden. From now on, he won't be the baby everyone associates us with. Sure, people who know us will associate him with us, but with time.....I realize that memories of him will fade and people will associate us with the children who will be here. That is a painful thought for us. We will never forget him, and his memory will never fade from our lives. He will always be our first and most precious child.
Please pray that this child continues to thrive and grow healthy. He/she has no idea how much of a blessing he/she is. The day this child is born, he/she will be clueless as to how much joy will be restored in our lives. We look forward to meeting this child and nurturing him/her just as we did his/her big brother. We look forward to showing this child pictures, telling stories, showing videos, and sharing Ayden in every way. Our children will all be little brothers/sisters to a precious big baby brother, and we hope they will grow to realize how special that is.

82 comments:

  1. Congratulations! That is such beautiful news! After suffering loss myself, I understand the complicated feelings of another child. But this child will bring so much healing and joy! What a blessing!

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  2. I saw it in the bulletin and wanted to come up and say something, but I wasn't sure and then I wanted to post on your FB page, but was hesitant to do that. . . so, I am posting now. . . I am so happy for you and will be praying!! OUR GOD IS ABLE to handle all of this.

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  3. so, so, SO excited for you guys. I had a feeling good news such as this would be coming soon from you. God Bless!

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  4. YAY!!! I've been waiting for this post, for the time when God would bless you wonderful parents with another blessing. After loosing my son, I know exactly what you mean in EVERY word you posted!!! I can't wait to read along as you go through this healthy pregnancy, birth and life of your second child. I know little Aiden is watching over you all and excited to be a big brother! Congratulations! God is good.

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  5. So happy for your family. What a blessing! I have been following your blog since the summer. I pray for your new little one, and will always remember your first child. I havne't suffered the loss that you have, but totally get what your trying to say!

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  6. Congratulations! I have silently followed your blog for months and now want to post. I will pray for this little one to thrive and grow. And I will pray for God's peace over your fears and concerns. What a blessing indeed!!

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  7. I'm so happy for you guys! You are so right, this does not replace Ayden or in any way diminishes your pain, but this is a blessing still. Matt and I are so excited for you guys.

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  8. Congratulations! Your descriptions of the emotions you are going through is so clear - while I can't possibly truly understand any of the emotions you are having, your words touch my heart like few others have.

    Many prayers for you.

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  9. I am SOOOOO excited for you guys and will be praying. I know that God is taking care of y'all!

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  10. so happy for you guys and the answer to prayers!!! I will be continuing to lift you all up through this time of much happiness and also remembering Ayden!

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  11. God is great! I am so excited for you and I know that it must be hard. I will be praying for you guys and I love reading your blog! God Bless, Brooke

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  12. I am in tears reading this, such happy tears for you and Jeremy. This new baby is such a blessing. I hope everything continues to go well for the remainder of the pregnancy. Congrats to both of you!!! Keep us posted here in blog land.

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  13. Yeah!!! For some reason, I kept looking at your blog over and over! Almost like I was waiting for your news! So EXCITING! I'll be praying!

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  14. I got goosebumps when I read your news. How wonderful!

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  15. Congratulations!!! What a blessing ~ I know you are probably experiencing so many emotions right now, but please know that as happy as I am to FINALLY see some joy put back into the life of a couple so deserving, Ayden will NEVER be forgotten. I am really happy for you and loved your post. Thank you for being so open ~ God bless!

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  16. Congratulations! This is very exciting news. God's timing is always right on time. Ayden will never be forgotten, and I know his new brother/sister will cherish the memories you tell him/her as they grow up.

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  17. A million congrats! Know you have a prayer soldier in St. Louis! I don't think you have anything to worry with Aiden being forgotten...you are doing a marvelous job keeping his memory alive!!!! God Bless!

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  18. may God bless the three of you as you welcome this new addition to your family. We keep you in our thoughts and prayers always!

    Dale, Bobbie-Jo, Ashley, and Devin

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  19. May God bless the three of you. Congratulations! We keep you in our prayers always!

    Love,

    Bobbie-Jo, Dale, Ashley, and Devin

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  20. Oh..Congratulations!! I know there is a lot going through your mind and you won't ever forget Ayden-This is a TRUE Blessing! So happy for you!

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  21. This is the best news I have heard in a long time. I am so happy for you & your husband. Congratulations!

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  22. Congrats! Praying for continued peace, but also excitement for this new little one.

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  23. I am so incredibly happy for you! Know that you continue to be in my prayers.

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  24. Praying for peace in your lives and health for you and your second blessing.

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  25. Congratulations to you both! A blessing from above!!

    I'm not sure if you read The Spohr's blog or not, but they have gone through something similar to what you and Jeremy have. They have just had a new baby after losing their first daughter in April of last year. I am only posting this in hopes that you may gain strength and encouragement (and possibly a friend!!) through her words - by seeing someone else out there a little further along this road than where you are (I hope I am wording this right). She is such a wonderful blogger, I hope that, if you don't already read her, that you will.

    http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/

    Again, I am so happy for you and Jeremy!

    xoxox~
    Sara

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  26. I have read your blog for months and prayed continuously for y'all. Congrats on the new little one and Ayden will NEVER be forgotten. He has touched so many lives, including my own and the life of the new one growing inside of you. Continuing to pray for y'all along this journey. God bless.

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  27. Heartfelt congratulations on this joyous news. Thank God for his mysterious ways!! A little piece of England is jumping up and down for you. xxxx

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  28. So happy for you guys! You don't know me, but I have been praying for you and your family, and I am so happy God has blessed you two with another opportunity to have a child. Children are blessings from God, and this child will have a special angel above looking over them!

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  29. Yay! Congrats to you both! I'm so excited for you! But I have to tell you... we would have been pregnant together... My due date was Sept 2 but, unfortunately, we lost the baby on Valentine's Day. I'm so excited for you and praying for my own second little miracle! I wish you the best of luck!

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  30. Congratulations! We will continue to pray for you and your new little blessing, the one I'm sure Ayden hand-picked and sent down. His Christmas present to Mommy & Daddy!

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  31. Congratulations and what a blessing! I bet Ayden's grin right now is bigger than anyones!

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  32. i am so happy for your family! babies are such a G.O.D. thing and i know that through Ayden's life people saw that, and they will continue to see that with this new precious babe too! you a brave and courageous mommy.

    trisha

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  33. Ayden is such a joy, and we look forward to getting to know this little one, too. Don't you worry. We talk to Jonah all the time about Ayden. He will know all about Ayden and his little brother/sister. I am praying for you guys. Love you all!

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  34. I am so happy for you and your husband. Ayden will never be forgotten. I am praying for everything to be new/fresh and wonderful for this pregnancy and baby. Congratulations....enjoy every second. May God continue to bless your family in a might way.

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  35. Lindsay,
    First of all I want you to know how excited I am for you and Jeremy! I've been praying that God will bless you guys with another baby very soon! I also want you to know that I will never forget Ayden! I will tell my kids one day about him and make sure they know what a blessing he was to our whole family! I can't wait to see you guys soon! Miss ya'll alot!!
    Taylor

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  36. I have been praying this miracle for you, trusting in God's perfect timing just for you and Jeremy.

    Congratulations.

    Ayden's going to be a big brother!
    Ayden will always be the big brother in your family, a new title.

    Sweet news on this sunny day, what a delightful Christmas present for the two of you!

    I hope that you are still heading to the retreat this spring. I'm continuing to read the Hope book, are you? And now you have hope kicking up a storm, reminding you, hope lives, He lives, His promises are guaranteed, we will someday be joined again.

    I pray courage and contentment for you and Jeremy, and your families, as you journey to meet your new babe.
    Blessings.

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  37. So happy to read this post! Congratulations! Prayers will continue to be lifted up for you and Jeremy as you deal with so many emotions right now.

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  38. What blessed news! Have been reading your blog and praying for you since I "linked" over from Patrice (I think!) many months ago. While this new blessing will never replace Ayden, he/she is another gift from God that is gonna be such a wonderful addition to your family...of four now! Will be praying for God's perfect peace for you both!

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  39. Tears are in my eyes! We are so excited for you and still praying for you both at the same time. I can only imagine how truly bittersweet it all is. But God is blessing you and I give Praise for that! I will pray for the 3 of you now! Congrats!

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  40. I am so happy for the both of you!!! What a blessing your faith has been for us!! Please know that we will be praying for a healthy pregnany and delivery along with a beautiful healthy child that you will raise to know this GREAT God of ours!!!

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  41. I am tickled pink/blue to see that picture of your baby. Oh, thank you, God! Your mercies are new every morning. There is no way that any of us could forget Ayden. He will be remembered for always. Try to relax in God's love and guidance. Get your rest when needed. You'll have plenty to share about Ayden when the times are right.
    Our little 4 yr. old Kaleb is starting to ask ?? about his Uncle
    William. The answers will come to you so sweetly because God is the center of our lives.
    Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts. We are right here nearby. Love, Gail

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  42. Congratulations to you and your sweet little family! Even though I don't know you personally, I will continue to lift you up in prayer. Aidan will always be remembered.

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  43. I am so excited for you both!! Reading this brings tears to my eyes and I don't even know you on a personal level, just from your blog. You have been and will continue to be in my prayers as you begin this precious journey!

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  44. Lindsay, I just have to say, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your post! I am truly happy for you, despite the fact that we've only met for...about 10 seconds...and not under a happy circumstance. But I am thrilled. I think about you and Jeremy and sweet Ayden VERY OFTEN!! When I see Seraph passing all these new milestones, I am saddened that you will never see Ayden do the same. BUT, I know that Ayden is blessed and loved, despite which milestones he missed out on earth. What Ayden has is eternal...and that, I can't necessarily say for my son. He WILL NOT be forgotten! I will be praying for you your family, especially your little jumping bean (that's why I call Seraph "Bean"...it will probably stick until he's 30 or so. :) ). Much Love,
    Jennifer

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  45. I can only imagine that Ayden helped hand pick this baby especially for you. Can't you see him telling this new baby everything he needs to know about his mommy and daddy and other fun things about being a baby? I'm sure he told him about how much you love to cuddle and how much daddy is going to make him laugh. Kevin and I are so excited for you guys and Ayden's little brother/sister.

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  46. Congrats. I know Ayden is watching over ya'll and he is proud. We will continue to pray for you! Congrats again!

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  47. Congratulations!! Although I have never been there, I can completely understand what you are saying about this making Ayden's passing even harder. It just makes sense. But, I hope this child will bring lots of joy to you and Jeremy. I have been wondering if perhaps the reason you weren't posting was because you had news :) I hope and pray for continuted healing and understanding for you guys! I wish for you a happy and healthy pregnancy. God Bless you both!

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  48. Congratulations on your newest addition-to-be! I was praying you'd be blessed with a new addition to your family. Know that so many are and will continue to pray for you and your family.

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  49. Congrats! Ayden is going to be a wonderful big brother and the best angel watching over him or her. God Bless your family!

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  50. You had your son a week before me and lost him a week before I lost mine.
    Congratulations to you and your husband for being so strong and ready to do this. I wish you much peace and happiness...you deserve it and Ayden would have wanted it.

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  51. I can tell from the pictures that this baby is beautiful! :-)

    I would do anything to be able to be there when this sweet one gets here! When things slow down after he/she is born we might have to make a trip :-) But, if you're anything like me (and you've proved to be so far :) you won't let me touch this little one...haha. We were soooooo OVER protective with our babies after Grayson, I'm not sure I let anyone hold them!?!?

    Congratulations to the two of you - it couldn't be happening to more wonderful and deserving parents than y'all.

    I know Ayden is excited to be a big brother and watch over his little brother or sister.

    Love you!!!! Kelley

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  52. Congratulations! I've been following your blog for several months but never commented. Your family will continue to be in my prayers.

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  53. Congratulations! What a blessing this baby will be... just as Ayden was/is. This baby will never replace Ayden but it will help lessen the pain. The hole will always be there but this new precious baby will help the healing continue. I am so happy for you both.

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  54. Congrats Lindsay & Jeremy! I am so happy for both of you. I know what it is like to have these same emotions. We lost our son and have been trying for 3 months as well. It seems like forever. Thank you for posting this. It gives me hope that God will bless me and my husband again as well. I have read your blog since you wrote me in October. You have been such a blessing to me. I pray for you and Jeremy daily and will continue to lift you up in prayer as your family grows. And know that Ayden will never be forgotten. He will always be a special part of your family that you will share with your children to come. Keep us posted. God Bless!

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  55. What a wonderful blessing! I'm so happy for you! I bet Ayden is up in Heaven now telling his little brother/sister about what great parents you both are.
    I know you feel guilty being happy when he isn't here, but I think he'd understand!
    Best to all three of you!

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  56. I know that a new baby won't make things okay but there will be much needed joy. I am thrilled and excited for both of you. Take care and God Bless all of you.

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  57. Lindsay and Jeremy, Congratulations on the wonderful news that y'all are expecting a little "peanut." That nickname might just stick, hehe! I am so happy happy for you beyond words. Lindsay, I had a feeling that htis news might come soon... I picked up on a hint or two on your previous blogs ;) If this isn't proof that God SHOWS us what he is capable of, I don't know what is. was so bittersweet. I do not understand what you are going through, but I can certainly sympathize with you. I pray that God puts you and Jeremy at peace with this pregnancy and takes away the understandble fears that you are experiencing. I'm praying for your whole family all the time!!! This little "peanut" is so blessed to have the best big brother ever! Precious Ayden will NEVER be forgotten. I am so proud of you and Jeremy. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for your family. I want to come meet this baby in person!!! God bless you as you go through this happy/scary/bittersweet time. Love, Lauren

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  58. You said it perfectly...so many of us understand exactly what you are saying about having a child after another has died. It isn't as simple as everyone thinks that it is. When you are grieving, nothing is easy...you just want your child back.

    I am so happy for you. I have prayed often that God would give you another child to hold and cuddle and love.

    I will always remember Ayden from your sweet description of him. I know that no matter how many children you have, it doesn't erase the pain that you will carry always from losing Ayden. And since there is no way to have Ayden back here, you press on...each child will bring joy and make life worth living until you make it to Heaven.

    Congratulations!

    Angie

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  59. So happy for another little blessing! I will pray for health for this little one and that God will protect your hearts. I can't imagine the roller coaster ride your emotions are taking as you remember your dear Aiden(I am so sorry I think I spelled his name wrong). I will continue to lift you up in prayers.

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  60. Congratulations Lindsey & Jeremy, I'm so happy for both of you, and I know Ayden will watch over you always, you're truly blessed.
    Take care!

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  61. Lindsay and Jeremy,
    I weep with you and rejoice with you at the same time. Ayden will always be your precious baby, nothing can ever change that. There is new hope with the new baby on the way and I pray with all of my heart and soul for a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy. You both are so deserving. Hugs to all of you.

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  62. Congratulations! I do not know what you are going through, but I understand what you are saying. Your precious Ayden will never be forgotten. As many people have written, he's touched SOOOOO many lives through this blog. Through a few blogs, I found the Remembering Ayden button and I keep coming back to see how you are doing. Ayden has a such a beautiful smile that I'm sure he shared with his little brother/sister. And as others said, he hand-picked this special little peanut for you guys. God Bless your family of four! Know that prayers are being said for you in Leeds, AL.

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  63. So happy to hear the wonderful news of a brother or sister for Ayden! Sending congrats and well wishes your way! Praying that all will go well with your pregnancy and that a little healthy babe will be born.

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  64. This was posted on another blog, "The Sheila Variations" it is by Edna St. Vincent Millay, first woman to win a pulitzer prize.....and when I read it all I could think of was you and Ayden.
    Ayden will be remembered everywhere and maybe most poignantly in those places he never stepped foot into.

    "Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
    Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
    I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
    I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
    The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
    And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
    But last year's bitter loving must remain
    Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
    There are a hundred places where I fear
    To go, -- so with his memory they brim.
    And entering with relief some quiet place
    Where never fell his foot or shone his face
    I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
    And so stand stricken, so remembering him."

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  65. i've been reading your blog for a while and am so excited to see this happy news. i'm not sure of you've ever heard of this blog www.thespohrsaremultiplying.com

    i think that you have a lot in common and it would be a good read. their first child died and they just had a second.

    congrats!

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  66. My heart skipped a beat when I read the news! Congratulations.

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  67. C.O.N.G.R.A.T.U.L.A.T.I.O.N.S!!! What wonderful news! I'm glad to follow along on your journey. Hugs!

    Stacey from CA

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  68. CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so excited for you and your husband. I suspected that you might have been expecting....your posts weren't typical posts. Anyways, I look forward to following along on your journey. Hugs!

    Stacey from CA

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  69. Congratulaions!!! I have been following your blog since the Fall, and have been praying for you to have a new bleasing. I know this pregnancy will be very different emotionally than the one with Ayden, you know much more now. Try to enjoy the little triumphs, a good ultrasound, the heartbeat, and it will pass much more quickly than you realize!!! I will continue to pray for your family.

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  70. Congratulations :) I am happy for you, and so glad Ayden will have a little brother or sister :)

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  71. Such a blessing! I am so happy for both of you!

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  72. I have been so touched by your story and was honored to speak at the event at Ayden-Grifton a few months ago when I met you. Although I haven't been in touch much, you are constantly in my thoughts and I keep up with your blog regularly. You and Jeremy and Ayden are always in my prayers and now I will add your newest blessing to that list...congratulations on your news and although you will never forget Ayden and he will always be a part of your life, it is wonderful that you are planning to share your life with his sibling soon...What a blessing!

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  73. I'm so extrememly happy for you guys! I understand the feelings of not being able to talk about the "whens" and only being able to say "if" Lynn and I had a miscarriage with our first baby in 2005. When I got pregnant with Mady, we didn't share the news with anyone until I was 12 weeks along and even then I took it day by day realizing that she could be taken from me at any moment. When I learned I was pregnant with Ashlyn, I struggled with the same thing and wrote this post- http://laurakyates.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-cant-believe-im-actually-posting-this.html

    It's just about trust and trusting that whatever happens, it's a part of His plan.... even though, it's much easier to say it than to actually live it. Again, I'm so very, very happy for you all! I'll be praying daily! :)

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  74. Oh my! I'm just catching up on blogging because I've also been MIA lately and this is such great news!

    Congrats! Now I have to read through to see what else I've missed.

    YAY!

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  75. I was just collecting some information about my upcoming Baby i found the new one thing in the shape of 3D ultrasounds it’s amazing and really awesome now i can see a preview of my upcoming new born in clarity it’s a miracle and have a really New experience for me........

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