As Lindsay posts often about having dreams of Ayden, I must admit that I do not get those. I have struggled with the fact that I do not dream and see him. It would be so nice to at least see his face in a dream, even if it is not "reality". Just to feel the weight of him in my arms even if only in a dream would help so much. Last night I just prayed and asked God that he would show me something. Let me dream about him or let me have some sort of vision or moment that just shows me everything is ok. Just to remind me that where Ayden is is so much better than where I wish for him to be sometimes (back here with us).
Yesterday as I looked at all of the snow, I just kept thinking about Chris Tomlin's song "Indescribable" over and over again. There is a line in the song that says "Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go? Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?" At the time I was thinking I wish Ayden could see the snow. As I thought that the part of that song kept coming to mind. I just imagined that being one of the many things Ayden has seen that is just unfathomable to us. Just about every kid loves the snow so of course I believe that is one of the first things God shows children in heaven. Just my thoughts.
As I said, I said that prayer last night asking for something. I kind of figured the song yesterday just randomly came to mind. So we go to church this morning...I'm feeling disappointed and a little down because last night I got nothing...no dream, no vision...nothing. We had placed our praise and worship at the end of the service this morning so we get to the last song that we are going to sing for that time in the service. Tim had preached on Being Rich...about changing our view of how blessed we are in Christ. Most of the songs focused on giving back to God and our response to his blessings. Then came the song...INDESCRIBABLE...so many songs, so many possibilities, and this one didn't really quite fit into the theme of the morning but there it was on the screen. It's not exactly a song that usually brings tears to your eyes, so I'm sure I looked a little strange standing there crying but it was like God had said, "I heard you. You can be sure he's ok." God answers.
Jeremy
He certainly does answer. . .no detail, no thought we have goes unheard. . . each one is answered in his timing.
ReplyDeleteAMEN.
ReplyDeleteAs a wife who rarely see's her husband openly show that he misses his little girl....
Thank you for sharing, Jeremy!!
To both of you,
ReplyDeleteWhat a moving post... all of them are, but this one (like many others) has moved me to tears. You are so right Jeremy, God surely does answer. It is almost never how you would expect either. Our pastor delivered a message today about why bad things happen to good people. Your family was on my mind the entire time. I ask myself this same thing often. Cody and I have discussions about it a lot, especially since Ayden passed away. I don't think our human intellect will ever allow us grasp any justice as to why bad things happen to good people. Our pastor kept saying, "God is good, God is faithful." I have to admit, I didn't know where he was going with that statement, even though I know it to be true. But by the end of the service, I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. Several people in the congregation have been through/are going through trials that would bring most people to their knees, never to get up again. But there they were, sitting in church simply because "God is so good, and He is so faithful." Like Job, we got to SEE... not just hear. The feeling that came over me is not something I can put into words ("Indescribable..." most definitely). It still doesn't seem fair what happened to your family and to Ayden. But we do know that God is good and He is faithful, no matter what! What a telling testimony of God's love that you have written. To add to your experience today Jeremy, I believe that what I heard in church was meant for me to share with you and Lindsay. I am not great at expressing with words like you two are, but I do the best I can ;) I hope that this has added to your answer from God that Ayden is ok. And you will be too!
We're praying for your entire family daily. I believe God will keep showing you things. And I bet you that Ayden is indeed enjoying the snow! Thank you so much for sharing :)
Love,
Lauren
when God answers,sometimes it truly is indescribable.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. It's also nice to hear your perspective of it all, and YES, God does answer, in his own timing. Rest assured now.
ReplyDeleteOh Jeremy, how wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you got your sign, how beautiful it was!
Thinking and praying for y'all - Kelley, Grayson's mom forever
Our sermon yesterday was on the "blinking lights" that God puts in our path to direct, warn, reassure us. Isn't it wonderful how God can weave such small and intricate details of many lives together with just the perfect timing. I am sure that song was selected to be sung long before your prayer left your lips.
ReplyDeleteGod is an awesome God.
Wow, tears in the eyes and chill bumps reading your post. He is faithful. He does answer.
ReplyDelete