Double digits

Saturday will mark 99 days.

99 days until Collen's expected arrival!

I've been impatiently awaiting the day I could post this blog! I know that my little ticker down to the right won't read 99 days until Monday, but it's a little off. I've been marking a new week every Saturday since one of our ultrasounds had Collen measuring a couple days ahead of what we first thought. So, Saturday - we reach double digits!

I never expected to make it this far. With each passing week, I become more and more used to the idea of accepting that Collen is coming - our second child will, God-willing, join us in about 3 months.

When we first found out I was pregnant, back in December, I remember setting milestones for myself - just make it to 8, 12, 16, 20 weeks. Once we reached 20 weeks, the next milestone was 24 weeks. I'll make it to 26 weeks on Saturday.

I still prepare myself daily for something bad to happen. I guess because I know, better than a lot of people, that I am not immune to tragedy. It's happened once, and it can happen again. As much as I long for children, I realize just how much we take on when we make the decision to become parents. Sure, when you decide you want kids and first find out your efforts have worked - a baby is on the way - your first thoughts are of this cute little baby with cute little clothes and sweet baby smells. Then, you begin to prepare yourself for when this little baby grows up, you discuss the schools he/she will go to, the accomplishments he/she will make. The list goes on and on. You have hopes and dreams for this little miracle. Most people don't consider the other alternative first off. You don't consider how you will handle the news of the loss of this child, having to plan a memorial service, paying for plots in a memorial park...financing those plots at 26 years old....and ultimately outliving that child.

When you become a parent, you have to accept that your life could take one path or the other....and there really isn't a whole lot you can do to prevent it. That's a huge responsibility. With Collen, I have done my best to remain hopeful, to even let myself consider my own hopes and dreams for him. However, I've also had to have the same talk with God that I had with Ayden. I know that God could choose to take Collen, too. I know that it is not my decision, and ultimately, His will will be done. Collen is as much His as Ayden is. Our job is to just guide and direct Collen for his life here on this earth....for as long as God deems necessary.

I'll stop there. I let my post get heavy again. Sorry...my mind has just been full lately, so I have to release everything here. I promise I'm not soooo serious all the time, but I guess it comes with the territory. It's part of the new me....

So....99 days...or less....until Collen joins us. I'm so excited to meet this little miracle. He has already been such a huge blessing to us. I look forward to the plans God has for his life...whatever they may be.

Keep growing little man.....we'll see you soon. :)