36 Weeks

I am now on weekly appointments with my midwife until Collen decides to make his arrival.

Have I mentioned how much I adore my midwife??? I love that I get to see her every week now!

Collen is doing great! His heart rate is coming in strong in the 140s, and he is indeed head down. His estimated weight is around 6.5 pounds, and boy does he shift all 6.5 pounds of himself all around inside of me. (I love every bit of it!)

I am slightly dilated - between 1 and 2 centimeters, but I could hang out there for the next few weeks. The good news is that I am already dilated and won't have to work too hard to reach the beginnings of dilation. I remember going from 2-3 cm with Ayden....it took all day long just to progress one centimeter!

Cultures were done today, so results should come back by next week. I'm crossing my fingers that the Group B doesn't appear this time around, but if it does, we know what to do. Been there....

All in all, a good, uneventful checkup, which is just what I look forward to each time.

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Today was also the day I had set up Infant CPR training with one of the sweet ladies my sister works with in the NICU. I so appreciated her sensitivity to the situation; she knew it wouldn't be easy for me. So, to spare me from having to do the training with a group of strangers, she allowed me to come in for one-on-one training, and my sister tagged along for moral support. I was more at ease knowing that I wouldn't have a huge audience in the case that I did become affected by the situation. It also comforted me to know that the lady doing the training had also lost a child.....she knew how hard it was for me to make this step. Like I said in a previous post, I had been putting this off for some time.....

Luckily, the training didn't take long at all, and I learned very quickly that I was blessed with common sense and strong intuition. We went over CPR, which I was not as knowledgeable about. I knew the general rules, but I had never practiced them - never anticipated needing to. I had to practice, which took some will power as far as separating myself from the situation, but I was able to do it without becoming overwhelmed. We also went over choking and how to remedy a choking situation. I had actually had to practice this with Ayden once because I thought he was choking. I had been feeding him, and he vomitted all of a sudden, so violently that it scared him so badly that it seemed as if he was choking/had breathed some of it back in as he was crying. Intuition kicked in, and I immediately turned him over onto my forearm, tilting him down slightly, and patting his back. I was surprised to find out that I had, essentially, done the right thing.....without even knowing it. I was quite proud of myself for that one. Oh, I will never forget that moment with Ayden....scared both of us so badly....and it was a moment when I felt the "mother" come out in me..you know, that STRONG sense of "this is my child and I will do whatever I have to do to take care of him" - baby covered in throw up....me covered in it....baby crying because he's so scared....and me holding him to me not caring one bit that we're both drenched....just wanting him to feel safe and comforted.

Overall, it was a good training session, and I feel a lot more confident about CPR....should I ever have to perform it, and I'm obviously hoping not to. This does ensure that we can go home with an apnea monitor. There is a shortage of them at the moment, but I know they will do everything they can to make sure we get one. We will also be using the Angel Care monitor along with the apnea monitor. I've been told that the apnea monitor is loud, and if it goes off it will likely scare the baby - my response: I'd rather him be scared and cry than the alternative.

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Lastly, please take a moment and visit this blog http://www.facesofloss.com/

The founder is a mom named Kristin who recently lost her precious daughter, Stevie Joy. She was due to give birth to Stevie around the same time I am due to have Collen, but she experienced complications and had to say goodbye to her baby girl too soon. She has founded a website/group called Faces of Loss. The site is made up of the stories of mothers who have experienced the loss of a child in pregnancy or infancy. The stories are heartwrenching, honest, and touching. The mothers are inspiring and beautifully put their story and memories into words in honor of the children they miss so much. If you've never been "here" in this place....knowing the loss of a child....read their words and imagine what it is to face each day missing your child who is so treasured and cherished.

A few weeks ago, this site was just beginning. It has exploded in the past few weeks, and it's awesome to see the response! Kristin has found so much encouragement and purpose through this venture. I hope you will show your support by checking in and reading some of the stories.