38 week update

Still pregnant.....

....and not complaining about it one bit. :)


Today's news:

I went from 2cm to 3cm in 5 days. I'm hoping the progression from 3cm to 4cm (the beginning of active labor) is sooner than 5 days from now.

I'm a bit more effaced...close to 75%. And Collen's head is at -1 station....still a little bobbly as DeEtte puts it. ;)

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't anxious and ready to get this show on the road. I'm so ready to meet this little one, I literally lie in bed and just hope and pray for the pang of a contraction. I have been having false labor, which is such a tease, and I have also been experiencing a definite increase in braxton hicks contractions....which is a good sign.

But, for now, he's staying put. This is fine with me as long as he is okay. Right now, I'm worried that with every day that passes, he is going to lose room as he continues to get bigger, the fluid is going to get low, the umbilical cord is going to prolapse or get caught somehow, or the placenta is going to start to age. I monitor his movement so frequently....and begin to panic if I DON'T get a reaction from him at times. I've just heard and known of people who have made it this far only for it to end in tragedy, so my fears lie in that possibility right now. Ultimately, it's out of my control. I know this. But that doesn't bring any sort of comfort or solace....just even more anxiety and fear because I'm not in control of the situation. (The book I posted about, Plan B, addresses this issue, so I'm trying to work through it....)

I had a talk with Collen today after our appointment. I told him that this 1cm a week business is fine right now, but we've got to get things moving here soon. 1cm a week from this point forward isn't going to cut it, big boy! It's time for you to meet your mommy and daddy who are so excited to meet you!

When I was at 3cm with Ayden, I was already at the "huffing and puffing" stage of my contractions. And this time, at 3cm....nothing. I'm grateful - don't get me wrong - that I've made it through "early labor" without any contraction pain, but goodness....I'm ready for it to get moving! I am looking forward to a shorter labor this time around. That will most definitely be a welcomed event.

A lot of anxiety is building up these days not only because of Collen's soon-to-be arrival, but also because August 25th is quickly approaching. I'm really hoping that Collen decides to be born before we reach that day. As I've mentioned before, when we found out we were pregnant again, in December, I knew that meant the due date would be late August. My only reaction was, "God, what are you doing?" I counted back the days from Ayden's due date to his birthday. He was born 7 days early. I remember counting back 7 days from this due date (August 31)....August 25th. At that point, I gave up trying to figure it all out and just decided that it's all completely beyond my understanding. Since that day, our big "what if" has been..."What if Collen comes on that day....what if he is born on August 25th." Of course, we'll be elated on any day he decides to make his debut, but still....what if? I'll continue to look to God and say, "What are you doing?" His plans are not my plans, but I will accept them none-the-less. So...as I said...a lot of heaviness is approaching us in the coming week. The 25th being the day Ayden passed away and the 27th being the day of his memorial service....and then the days following that.....hard days to remember. So, having Mr. Collen around would definitely lighten the mood a little bit and remind us of the joy we've been promised through him and the blessing that he will always be to us. I don't believe it was a coincidence that God decided to give us Collen in the month of August. He connected Ayden and Collen in this way for us, and as we remember our sorrow a year ago, we will eagerly await the joy that is to come in another son....one who will know all about his big brother from the day he is born. We hope that as he grows older, he will see the significance of his birth and the blessing of joy he is for our family.

Come soon Collen! We can't wait to meet you!