This Christmas

I'm posting the day after Christmas...shame on me. Yesterday was a whirlwind...visiting four houses over the course of the day - two sets of grandparents - two great-grandparents. I love seeing everyone at Christmas, but I also wish it wasn't so crazy so we could sit and spend time with each other.

Last year, we began a Christmas tradition that will be a part of our family every Christmas. On Christmas morning, the first thing we do, once we're up and ready, is go visit Ayden's spot. I realize it's not the picturesque Christmas morning tradition....but for us, it's what helps us feel complete. This year, Collen took part in the tradition. As you would expect, it was hard. I missed Ayden this Christmas....just like last Christmas. Tears were they often are when we think of and miss our Ayden. In that moment, I was "with" my two boys....but not in a way anyone would ever want to be with their children. But I found so much comfort...and yes, a little joy, in knowing that Ayden was spending his Christmas with the King of Kings....the reason we celebrate at Christmas (and all year).

This year, I have to say....Christmas was a completely different (and good) experience. Last year, I was wishing Christmas away. This year, I was wishing it would never end. I look forward to sharing many more with Collen and our future children. I'm thankful that we were able to experience Christmas through the eyes of a child (one who doesn't have a clue what's going on right now...but still...) after longing for it and aching for it for so long.

We're snowed in today, so we sort of got a white Christmas. We're just enjoying being together (and having a chance to nap...and nap...and nap some more) and reflecting on all that God has blessed us with this year. Hard to believe a new year is approaching....

I hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas, and I pray that God will bless you in this new year!



  1. this post filled me with such hopeful feelings. thank you, lindsay. i'm so glad that you had a good christmas, and so glad that you have a family tradition that allows you to feel at peace. ((hugs))

  2. Hi! I am Tiffany's friend, Fabiola. She had mentioned to me your blog and I just had to read it. I am glad I did. I can't imagine the pain you and Tiffany have gone through. No mother should ever have to go through this. Although I have not been able to be a mom, it is stories like yours that give me hope. It makes you feel warm inside knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for sharing your story and giving my dear friend hope. God Bless you both.

  3. Hi! I am Tiffany's friend, Fabby. She mentioned your blog to me and I just had to read it, I am so glad I did. I am sorry for the loss and the pain you both have gone through, no mother should have to endure that. It is so comforting to hear that there is a ray of sunshine at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for sharing your story and for giving others hope, especially my dear friend Tiffany. God Bless you both and best wishes, may your future be filled with love and serenity.

  4. Holding you close to my heart!!!