2 things...or 3

**Update: I responded to your comments to this post. So, if you asked a question or had a suggestion, check there!!***

1st - two of you lovely readers have given me a blog award, and I'm so, so sorry that I haven't returned that generous offering. It's not that I don't want to reciprocate....I have the best of intentions to do my part and pay it forward. I leave the tab open on Internet Explorer because "I'm going to do it later, when Collen is asleep." But I haven't gotten around to it. And now, someone has closed my tabs, and I can't remember who gave them to me. :( I'm so thankful for you guys, and for those of you who thought of me enough to give me an award. I feel so badly that I haven't done my part....but please know I meant to!

2nd - I'm in the process of accepting a part-time online tutoring position. It won't pay much, but hey....every little bit helps! I'm interested to see how this goes. It's really going to test my multi-tasking skills.

3rd - You can now read our story in (almost)print form! Ayden's story has been published in the book, From a Lullaby to Goodbye. If you click on that link, it'll take you to the main page for the book. It isn't in print form, yet, but you can buy the ebook for $9. Hopefully, it will be in print very soon and in the hands of families who need to know that they are not alone and that hope can be found at the end of this dark road of grief.


The past few days have been a whirlwind. 3 months was a hard transition for Collen, and 6 months is proving to be difficult, too. He just doesn't seem settled at all....ever. He'll be happy for about 30 minutes or so, and then he's whining. It's tough because he can't do much still. He is sitting up, but still with support because he topples over. He hates to be on his tummy, and he get frustrated playing on his back because he can't reach anything. He'll sit in my lap, but for limited amounts of time because he's ready to move on to the next thing.....whatever that may be. He's so interested in everything going on around him, and he doesn't want to be stationary. He wants to be moving, and he just can't yet. He isn't napping well. Yesterday, I think he napped a total of 1 hour all day long. He was miserable. I was miserable...and exhausted...and trying to stay patient and calm. He did, however, finally sleep through the night for the first time in a week. I'm hoping we're getting back into that habit.... We are in the midst of teething, but it doesn't seem to be bothering him too much. I think all of this coming at once, though, is making for a tough transition for him. Once 6 months hits....and once he's able to sit up on his own (or crawl...even better!), I think he'll be happier.

On my side of the things, the Reglan worked while I was taking it, but now that I'm off of it, my supply is dwindling again. I'm afraid the switch is going to have to be made. :( I'm wearing myself out pumping....when I can find time. And that's a problem, too. To keep my supply up, I need to make time to pump, and that's hard to do when my time is being demanded all the time by a certain little one. I literally could not put him down today without him crying/whining for me to pick him back up. Tell me how I'm supposed to get anything done that way. I LOVE, LOVE spending time with him....don't get me wrong...I don't take one second of it for granted. But you know...I'd like to shower and at least eat at some point during the day. Crazy boy.

Growing up is tough....



  1. Lindsay, just remember that if you are tired or stressed that it will affect your milk supply. In SA we use 'jungle juice' which is basically a mixture of a natural tonic, rehydration solution and fruit juice. Brewer's yeast tablets also work.

  2. Lindsay, have you considered continuing to pump/nurse a few times a day, but adding formula in (for your sanity) if you have to...rather than switching completely? I understand how difficult it is. I had supply issues with both of my babies (they gained 0 weight after 2 weeks at birth...so I tried reglan, pumping, at the breast supplements, nursing 14 times/day...you name it). I wound up pumping exclusively for Jacob...and made it 6 months before I got fed up after my supply got down to <10 ounces/day. However...I regretted stopping!!! I had the same issues with Ava...and I have made it exclusively pumping for 9 months now. I don't get enough milk for her...so I give her formula too...but it is worth it to me to still give her some breastmilk. Just a thought...I know it's not easy...but any amount is better than none. It is most certainly your choice...just make sure that you don't beat yourself up for what you decide. You have done AWESOME to make it this long!!! All I'll say is that I noticed a significant difference in Jacob when he caught a cold with and without breastmilk...he fought it much faster/easier when he had that breastmilk.

  3. THANK GOODNESS for a book that can help parents. I was SO frustrated after Tripp died, I felt like books try to encompass all kinds of loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, and I did NOT want to read about that. For me, it was not the same and almost insulting that they thought it wass the same thing. Have you read the book? Is it only about infant loss, or an all encompassing book? I can't tell from the website. And I had to laugh that you were my FIRST commentor! HAHA- what a shock. Tell me I can do this!!

  4. when my boys were going through that "can't let them down stage" I ended up wearing them. You know, in a front or back carrier. At least I was able to do some cooking and laundry or such. Maybe you could give that a try?

  5. Have you tried putting him in a sling or carrier to get things done? I can remember wearing my son all of the time while vacuuming, dusting, cooking, etc. Then..when I needed to get a shower I would put him in his bouncy seat right outside the shower so I could play peek-a-boo with him when he got upset when he couldn't see me.. It is tough when you sometimes just need some time to yourself!! Enjoy it now though because once they become mobile they will be too busy for you! :) Good luck with the part-time job too, and congrats on having Ayden's story in the ebook!

  6. Hi everyone,

    Thanks for the encouragement and advice. I have been supplementing with formula for about a month now. When I pump, I'm only able to get about 3-5 ounces each time. Collen is a big boy, and a feeding for him is about 6 ounces. So I add formula to what I'm able to pump out. That's getting very tiresome, though, and he's doing well with the formula. I'm still weighing my options, though. I'm hoping to still nurse him in the morning and at night and do formula in between. We'll see.

    Racheal - YOU CAN DO THIS! It's a hard road, and you'll think you're worrying yourself sick, but yes, you can do this. Check into getting this baby an apnea monitor. Most pediatricians will okay them for SIDS siblings up to a year. And the book...I believe...is mostly SIDS cases. I haven't read through all of it, but I want to say that's the focus of it. Best wishes to you for a healthy pregnancy!

  7. Hey Lindsay!!!
    Sooo special to have Ayden's story in a book. Definitely will be downloading to my nook.
    Also, about the pumping situation, I have a "band" thingie that I bought online called "pumpease"...look it up online..they have cute prints, and basically, the "horns" fit into it and you are HANDS FREE...you can even WALK AROUND because that pump you have has a battery operated option...:) Believe me, it works.
    So, if you find you need to wean off, that is fine, but if you want to try the hands free thing, let me know and I will send it via patrick via jeremy!

  8. I'm going to step WAY out of my realm with never having my own kids, but my mom told me I was a fussy baby, too and she finally just put me down and let me cry myself to sleep. She knew I didn't need to be changed or hungry or in harm's way. I just was, as she said, spoiled and used to attention ALL THE TIME. Maybe Collen needs a little LESS attention (but make sure he is safe, of course) so you can give yourself MORE attention. Something has to give and with you being so exhausted, you can't think right. Maybe a friend or family member can help with Collen? If I were close, I'd do it for free. I'd love to have a baby and can't, so I actually an envious of you! LOL...anyway, hope you don't think I"m way off base. Just thought I'd say what my mom said to me years ago.
    Good luck!

  9. Do you have an exersaucer or johnny jump up? We started my son in his exersaucer around 5 months and he loved it. He sat in the kitchen and we talked and played while I made dinner. He loved it until he learned to crawl. Once he was mobile, he hated being in the exersaucer and insisted on being on the ground so he could get around. Collen, like my son, is a typical boy who needs lots of action and stimulation! Just wait till he's walking. He will give you a heart attack every day!

  10. Hi there! I have nursed each of my 2 until they were about 13 months. It's extremely difficult! Seems to me like breastfed babies tend to be a bit more clingy- especially at times when they are growing...

    Not sure if you have tried this, I'm new to your blog, but here's a few things that helped me keep my sanity and nurse.

    With my daughter I had issues from the start and wound up supplementing a lot. I tried to pump but after a while stopped getting out as much as I knew I had... that happened for a friend also. With her I wound up using Fenugreek. It's an herbal supplement and that really boosted my supply but I did smell like maple syrup! ha.

    When it comes to nursing it's WAY easier to lose your supply than to boost your supply. It can take close to 2 weeks to get your supply up. The more you supplement, feed solids, give water or juice and even pump the less milk your body is getting stimulated to make. The pump is an artificial stimulator and even though it works, it's not fully working. I would try to take more time out to nurse. Maybe bathe together? That always calmed my children and gave me an extra chance to nurse.

    I had a horrible time being comfortable just sitting and holding my child- sounds horrible, I know but when there are chores to be done and lots going on it's stressful. The best thing I ever did next to learning to let go and have a messy house for a week or two was to buy a moby wrap. I was able to wear my son and that seemed to really calm him.

    I'm sorry if these tips are annoying but I just wanted to share!