What. A. Day. {or....lesson learned from a scary situation}

I had one of those Mom moments today - one of the scary ones. One of the moments that make you feel like the absolute worst mom in the whole world.

Collen takes most of his daytime naps in our bed. And almost every time, I lay down with him. (The perk of being a stay-at-home mom) Today, I had to get a shower because we had plans for the afternoon. Normally, I would have taken my shower earlier in the morning while Collen was playing, but he decided to take an early morning nap, and seeing as I was pretty exhausted, I napped with him. So, as he was napping, I decided to take my shower. I've done this many times....pinned him in with pillows...and he's been fine. I know this is not the smartest of decisions, but up until now, he hasn't been all that mobile. Well...today...he got mobile...and he took a tumble off the bed. :(

I was in the shower and heard this thud, then a sound...that I thought was the dog barking. But my intuition said, I don't think that's Tucker. I rushed out of the shower....to find the bed empty and Collen on the floor crying his little heart out. I was crushed...and just terrified, but somehow, I managed to stay very calm because I knew I needed to calm him down to check him out. I picked him up and sat him on the bed, wiped his tears, and hugged him close to me to make him feel safe. He calmed down, and I looked him over. Nothing broken....nothing hurt, except for a little bruise on his cheek bone. A few minutes later, he was back to his normal self...being silly and sweet. I put a cold cloth on his bruise and proceeded to stare at him for the next hour...haha. Seriously, I just sat and held him or watched him play and just stared at him...waiting for a sign that something was wrong. I called my sister, who is a NICU nurse, and she came over and checked him out.

He seemed fine, but with our history being what it is, "seems fine" wasn't enough for me. So, off to the ER we went (it would happen on a holiday!) to get him checked out just in case. Jeremy met us there, and I imagine that the three of us were experiencing a lot of deja vu we did not want to remember. I had avoided the ER for almost 2 years....because this was where I last held Ayden and had to say goodbye. It was hard to walk through those doors and remember it all....having it all come flashing back. But, I was on a mission....so that helped keep me distracted.

Collen went in to see the triage nurse pretty quickly...they weighed him and checked his vitals. Then we sat down for the loooong wait. We ended up being in the ER for 4 hours total. Collen did fantastic!!! He played, watched people, made loud noises (hehe), drank a bottle, took a nap (at this point, I was pretty sure he was okay...), and woke up and played some more. We went back, and he was checked out by a nurse and 2 doctors, and word spread about the cute little baby in the ER. The doctors checked him out, and reassured us that he was going to be fine. So, I went home feeling a little better.

I feel awful, and I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. But, it's hard after we've experienced....because in my mind, I'm supposed to be overly cautious....I'm supposed to keep him from ALL harm and ALL possible accidents. I know that isn't possible. Believe me....I know it isn't realistic. But, after losing Ayden, I try to keep Collen as safe as I possibly can...even it if seems like I'm being irrational or paranoid. And then, I let him sleep on our bed....unsupervised. ugh....all I've been doing all day is shaking my head and thinking, "How stupid can you be?!" He has napped in our bed like this for months, and the thought has occured to be every time...that he could fall...but he hasn't, so I assumed he'd be okay. So mad at myself right now. And what makes it worse is that I almost put him in his crib. I had my hands out, ready to pick him up and put him in there, but I decided not to since he was already sleeping so well. ugh...

So, lesson learned. If he's going to sleep in our bed, I'd better be laying down with him. If not, he goes in his crib. I know it happens to all of us....but when it really happens...it's so scary.

Since I didn't see it happen, I have a theory. I think he woke up and sat up (he has JUST started doing this...like in the past day or two), and I think he was trying to get the remote on the night stand. Then I think his hand slipped, he hit his little face ( ugh...makes me sick thinking of it), and then fell...but he would have fallen onto a pillow that was on the floor by the bed...and then rolled off the pillow. So, I'm going to go with that scenario and be convinced that he fell on the pillow....because it makes me feel a little better.

Okay....I took a loooong time to tell this story. Needless to say, it has been a long day. I'm so glad he's okay....and as the days go by and I'm assured that he's okay, I'll begin to forgive myself. A big thank you to my sister for dropping everything and coming to check on him and then going with me to the ER. She's so awesome. And thank you Lord that it wasn't worse....



  1. I'm so glad he's okay. I know you'll probably have to forgive yourself on your own time, but it always helped me to hear other moms' stories of things that happened to them so I'd know I'm not the only one. I was nursing my 2-wk-old baby in bed and trying to text someone when I dropped my cell phone smack on her head. :( Of course, she's fine, and never suffered any ill effects whatsoever...but I beat myself up for awhile afterwards. Somehow it just helped to hear I'm not the only one who makes mistakes! Glad the little guy is okay. :)

  2. This has happened to our daughter Liberty a few times. She's almost 11 months old now. Believe me, as you now know, it can be extremely scary.

    I wrote a post about it, as she has fallen off the bed 3 or 4 times. Here's the link: http://www.dadtolibbs.com/2011/02/babies-are-resilient.html.

    Babies are extremely resilient. Liberty has fallen off the bed, on her head and neck every time, and it barely phased her.

    I hope you can take some comfort in reading my post, but if not, or you don't read it, just know that sometimes it happens.

  3. hey! We were in the ER yesterday too! weird! it was for Andy...not the babies, but I had the same flashbacks of being there for Caden.

    Rigg fell off the couch whenI was doing laundry one time...i think he was 4or 5 months old... mother of the year... right here, autographs to be signed later..

  4. Oh! What a story! Thank God your little man is okay!

    Once they are more mobile, its scary, because they are prone to more "accidents" and what not. And Sadie now is a LOT more mobile, she is scooting her way around the hosue and I have to watch her EVERY minute. Not used to that, I used to be able to sit her down and do my thing,but now she moves! Ah!

    I actually had an almost complete freak out! A few weeks ago I wanna say it was in the morning, I was so tired and I brought Sadie into my bed from her crib because I thought she would come back to sleep with me. I dont know or remember what happened but I happened to wake up and she was like ALMOST off the bed, I had a panic attack oh my god she would have hit her little head on the tile floor.

    But, yes, as mothers, as as a mother of loss, we are very careful with everything. I still wake up or have visions with me screaming and bawling in horror that I will find my little girl,...its just heartbreaking.

    So glad everything is okay, you did the RIGHT thing, I would have done the same thing.

    Btw, I have a dog named Tucker too! We sure have some simlairies, our sweet babies were born on same day too. :( hugs!!

  5. This happened to me with Fletcher when he was 7 months. He was being super fussy one night so I brought him in the guest bedroom and slept on the bed next to him. Well, he rolled off of the bed and I heard a thud and instant cries. He was fine, but it definitely was scary. I have talked to so many parents that this has happened to. Doesn't make it any less scary. I can still hear the "thud".

  6. I hate to admit this, but the SAME thing happened to two of our babies. The first time was Virginia and we also went to the ER, the next time was years later with Jack - that time we brushed him off and said "ahhh, he's fine". I did call the nurse, she said they get that call ALL THE TIME! Everyone I know has had the same thing happen. I guess you've joined the club!

    I know it was scary, I'm so sorry, but so thankful he's okay. Don't feel bad, it happens to the best moms ever!

    Love, Kelley

  7. So scary! Don't beat yourself up - there isn't a mom out there who doesn't have a "I can't believe I let my kid fall" story. It happens on a changing table, or off the couch, or from the bed...and sometimes all of the above. You do the best you can...and sometimes they fall anyway. I think that is why babies are made to bounce :). - Tkeys