12 weeks until my due date (hopefully 10 weeks until Collen's arrival). Ayden came at 38 weeks, 6 days. They say the 2nd one comes a little earlier, so we'll see. I'm hoping he'll live up to what "they" say. I have strategically scheduled a pedicure for August 18th - we'll see if it'll get things moving!
Recent pregnancy happenings:
1. My ankles have begun to swell after being on my feet for a long time, but still nothing too major.
2. Getting more and more tired.....much more easily. I take a lot of deep breaths these days.
3. MUCH more movement, which is wonderful. As I've mentioned, Collen is an active little guy. I feel some sort of movement at least every 2 hours. At 28 weeks, they ask to start a kick count - I should count 10 kicks in 2 hours. I'm usually able to get 10 in 10 minutes at his most active.
4. I think I will experience the poking out of the belly button this time around. I'm carrying Collen differently - more out front - so I'm thinking the belly button will pop!
5. Cravings - Collen isn't helping me keep the weight down too well. Although, I have only gained 16 pounds (I'm right on track!). I want chocolate ALL THE TIME. With Ayden, I wanted salty foods, veggies, and fruit. Collen - sweets, sweets, and more sweets. I also crave a lot of foods I normally don't like. I've grown to love banana peppers, pickles, any veggies that would come on a veggie pizza - I want them all...mixed together....with chicken. With Ayden - anything BUT chicken....
6. Weight - as I said, I've only gained 16 pounds. I think that's pretty darn good for 28 weeks. My weight gain track has followed the same pace as it did with Ayden, so I'm very pleased with that. I gained 27 pounds with Ayden, so I'll settle for that this time around - at most, I can live with 35. :)
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I can't believe we've made it this far! It seems like yesterday was December 21st and we were overcome with joy and relief as we realized that God had blessed us with our heart's desire - to be parents to another baby - to restore our joy and help us begin to feel normal again.
In Ayden, we found our purpose. The joy and fulfilliment he brought to our lives is unexplainable and simply amazing. I've never felt more complete than the moment I became Ayden's mommy. And although I have continued to be his mom, and a mom in general, since he left us, being a mom without her child is such an unnatural, desperate, unfulfilling position. Being pregnant again - pregnant with a child who is not Ayden - was difficult at first because although we knew no other positive pregnancy would bring him back, we so wanted that fulfillment back. It takes a while to get used to the new little person growing inside of you after you've experienced it with your first. With your first, it's all brand new - every symptom, every twinge, every movement - it's so magical. Not that it isn't magical every time, but with the first - it's all a brand new experience. With Collen, the pregnancy part hasn't been hard. Connecting with him, though, has been a little difficult. Up until now, I hadn't begun to think about a future with Collen. I kept myself guarded because I am still grieving over Ayden, yet I have this new little life growing inside of me who will no doubt bring me so much joy. But I just couldn't let myself get too attached just in case.... Now, though, that we're getting closer closer to the "safe zone" I am able to talk about life with Collen once he gets here. Once he's born, I will become guarded again - especially through the first 4 months. I will be overly protective. I will be overly paranoid. And I will likely be short-fused and very bluntly honest with my feelings. (Just preparing you) Thank God I have very supportive friends and family who understand my need to have things done my way - in a way that works best for me in this process.
My midwife asked me recently if I had thought about life with Collen. I said, "No. Not really." At first, I felt terrible for that. Then, I thought back to this time in my pregnancy with Ayden. I couldn't really think about life with Ayden at this point either. It's strange - this little person is growing inside of you and can feel them wiggle and jump and squirm, but you don't KNOW that person. I didn't know what type of baby Ayden would be. I worried that I wouldn't connect with him. When he was born and I held him for the first time, he and I shared an immediate connection, but at the same time, I would look at him and think, "I love him....I really like him....he's beautiful....and he's mine....but I don't know him." It's such a strange thing! Luckily, you learn who they are very quickly, and you fall completely and fully in love. I can't wait to share that with Collen. It's very important to me that I connect with Collen and clearly distinguish him from his brother. I think that will be easier because we are doing a few things differently with Collen - cloth diapering, nursing, staying home. It'll help me be able to start fresh and not fall under the same routine....same expectations....same relationship. Now, I do hope that my relationship with Collen, and our future kids, does hold commonalities as well. That's special, too.....to be able to tell them that we did do some things with them that we also did with their brother.
Ok....I'm rambling. I've hit the point where I'm repeating myself and stuff I've written in the past. That's what you get from me when I just write what's on my mind. I'm often guilty of telling the same story over and over....just bear with me.
I can't believe we've made it this far! It seems like yesterday was December 21st and we were overcome with joy and relief as we realized that God had blessed us with our heart's desire - to be parents to another baby - to restore our joy and help us begin to feel normal again.
In Ayden, we found our purpose. The joy and fulfilliment he brought to our lives is unexplainable and simply amazing. I've never felt more complete than the moment I became Ayden's mommy. And although I have continued to be his mom, and a mom in general, since he left us, being a mom without her child is such an unnatural, desperate, unfulfilling position. Being pregnant again - pregnant with a child who is not Ayden - was difficult at first because although we knew no other positive pregnancy would bring him back, we so wanted that fulfillment back. It takes a while to get used to the new little person growing inside of you after you've experienced it with your first. With your first, it's all brand new - every symptom, every twinge, every movement - it's so magical. Not that it isn't magical every time, but with the first - it's all a brand new experience. With Collen, the pregnancy part hasn't been hard. Connecting with him, though, has been a little difficult. Up until now, I hadn't begun to think about a future with Collen. I kept myself guarded because I am still grieving over Ayden, yet I have this new little life growing inside of me who will no doubt bring me so much joy. But I just couldn't let myself get too attached just in case.... Now, though, that we're getting closer closer to the "safe zone" I am able to talk about life with Collen once he gets here. Once he's born, I will become guarded again - especially through the first 4 months. I will be overly protective. I will be overly paranoid. And I will likely be short-fused and very bluntly honest with my feelings. (Just preparing you) Thank God I have very supportive friends and family who understand my need to have things done my way - in a way that works best for me in this process.
My midwife asked me recently if I had thought about life with Collen. I said, "No. Not really." At first, I felt terrible for that. Then, I thought back to this time in my pregnancy with Ayden. I couldn't really think about life with Ayden at this point either. It's strange - this little person is growing inside of you and can feel them wiggle and jump and squirm, but you don't KNOW that person. I didn't know what type of baby Ayden would be. I worried that I wouldn't connect with him. When he was born and I held him for the first time, he and I shared an immediate connection, but at the same time, I would look at him and think, "I love him....I really like him....he's beautiful....and he's mine....but I don't know him." It's such a strange thing! Luckily, you learn who they are very quickly, and you fall completely and fully in love. I can't wait to share that with Collen. It's very important to me that I connect with Collen and clearly distinguish him from his brother. I think that will be easier because we are doing a few things differently with Collen - cloth diapering, nursing, staying home. It'll help me be able to start fresh and not fall under the same routine....same expectations....same relationship. Now, I do hope that my relationship with Collen, and our future kids, does hold commonalities as well. That's special, too.....to be able to tell them that we did do some things with them that we also did with their brother.
Ok....I'm rambling. I've hit the point where I'm repeating myself and stuff I've written in the past. That's what you get from me when I just write what's on my mind. I'm often guilty of telling the same story over and over....just bear with me.
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In house news - we had an open house today. Yesterday, we spent the entire day (no joke, I was up at 7:30 - on Saturday - and I didn't stop going until 11:30pm), along with our parents, cleaning, updating, landscaping, and just making the house a bit more spiffy. We added a railing to our front porch to make it more "cottagey" and it looks great! We moved some stuff around in the house, and we also cleaned some stuff out and sent it away to the Salvation Army (woo!). By the end of the night, I was very pleased with how it all looked, and we felt certain that if someone who was serious about buying a house were to come, they'd want it right away! I, however, did not anticipate anyone coming to the open house. It wasn't highly advertised, and our neighborhood isn't "prime" real estate - it's more for younger couples, families, or singles. As I suspected, no one came - except for a police officer who had to show up because our realtor set off our alarm and couldn't remember how to unarm it. The officer liked our house, though.....
Someone....somewhere....someday will buy this house. Until then, it's the way we like it, so I guess that's not so bad.
But I sure do want to move out to the country......
Sorry---I giggled at the police officer showing up! :)
ReplyDeleteLove the updates about sweet little Collen! Matthew was a CONSTANT mover! I could get 10 kicks in 5 minutes any time of day--he was up ALL DAY LONG...and I loved it. If I had to do counts at night, I'd have been out of luck. I loved that too--thinking he was a good sleeper and was being good to his mama!! Of course, now, I'll worry about every little kick and whether it's enough or is there a reason there's no kicking at night? So hard!
Girl--I can't believe how much weight you have (not) gained!!!! I gained nearly 50 pounds (48!)--very impressive of you! You need to put a picture up--I'm sure you are adorable!
Glad you got stuff done on the house, but praying that you get to move to the country soon!
xoxoxo
congrats on the third tri!!! that's great!
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