What Ifs...

Almost a year ago, we were living in the land of "What If." We were forced to become citizens of this miserable place where people wrack their brains moment to moment wondering what if something had been different....what would life be like? Moving away from this place is not easy. Once you live there, even if you move away.....part of you is left there. I'm glad we've moved beyond the "what ifs" for the most part, especially with our situation with losing Ayden.

However, the what ifs seems to rear their ugly heads in other situations as well. Buying a house being one such situation.

I can't even begin to tell you how stressed I am over all of this. Yes, I knew that buying a house was stressful. Done it once before...thankfyouverymuch. What's even more stressful than buying a house?

-Selling a house
-Buying another house contigent upon the selling of your house
-Having to be out of your house BEFORE closing on another house
-Not knowing what your living situation will be LESS THAN 2 WEEKS FROM NOW
- Not having a clear answer YET on whether or not your new house will qualify for your loan because it all comes down to the appraiser's wording on whether or not a bonus room in a garage is considered separate living quarters. If NO - you get the loan. If YES - you don't and would have to use another loan that requires a down payment that you don't have because you're having to pay closing costs on your house and partly on the new house.
-Waiting to find out if the current owners will let you rent the house starting August 1st just so you can have some sort of stability.
-Wondering....if they do agree to rent....can you afford the rent?
- Husband starts back to work in LESS THAN 2 WEEKS and he has to be present to sign everything/anything.
- Baby is set to be born in 4-5 weeks - or whenever he so chooses - and you're still not clear on where said baby will be living once you're out of the hospital.

Of one thing I am absolutely certain - for 3 days in the month of August, I know that I will be in a hospital welcoming a baby boy into our lives. If nothing else goes our way, we at least know that a blessing is soon to arrive, and we can not wait to meet him and have him in our arms!

Don't even get me started, though, on the what ifs that go through my mind regarding Collen. That's a completely different post for another day.

Please, please pray that all will go through with this house. I had finally had a few nights of somewhat decent sleep and now another wrench is thrown in today..... I mean, seriously, why does it have to be so difficult? Seems like every day there's one more thing to worry about.

Deep breaths.....deep breaths...



  1. Praying girl...Praying...you are not alone. Deep breaths...
    Kathryn in Kansas City

  2. I'm praying for you! Don't worry! It will all work out. It will.

  3. You are definitely in my prayers tonight. Praying for your peace in this situation. I pray your loan works out and you can move in early. I've been in that situation before. I pray you guys can get some peace before your sweet lil guy arrives. :)

  4. Incidentally, I am also feeling overwhelmed...for very different reasons, but still... I feel your pain. God knows, my Southern friend...God knows.

  5. praying!!!!! believe it or not, i actually can relate to this specific chaos.... it's a long story so i won't ramble but it involves a job loss and 2 job changes, the death of an infant, negotiations on 10! houses (2 fell through 2weeks before/week of closing) and the expectation of a new birth as well... oh yeah, the living in boxes part too... 1 year of total chaos. i am praying for the specific struggles you are facing each and every day.

    just stay focused on september my friend! hahaha by them it'll all be over and you'll be cheering from the sidelines with a precious bundle in your arms!

    (((((hugs))))) hang in there....

  6. hang in there Lindsay! Praying for you! =)