A better, but still hard, day...

Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's just hitting me these past two days....but whatever it is, it's tough. It isn't supposed to be easy, though. I don't think I want it to be easy. Not right now. I embrace the pain some days because it's my only connection to him. I want to look at his pictures and videos...hear his voice...see that smile...and just weep. Other days, I can look at them at smile, but those are very rare. When something so precious is missing from your life....there's no other way to respond.

Today we kept really busy. As I typically do on Saturdays, I stayed in the bed until about 11. I am not ashamed to say I didn't leave our bed until 6pm last Saturday. Why?? It was just a lazy day. I stayed in bed and caught up on TV shows online....got hooked to abc's new show, V, and then worked on my blog. Today, we got our new kitchen table and chairs set. We had to put it together. Wonder how Jeremy and I do on activities that involve teamwork? Very well, actually. However, I can't take credit for much today. I put together one chair and then became a wimp because I couldn't tighten the bolts and I was really hungry. So, after I ate...naturally, Gracie needed to be played with...and I needed to take a shower.....and then I HAD to watch something that was on TV....I'm as bad as a 10 year old trying to get out of cleaning her room. Needless to say, Jeremy finished the rest. This was an early Christmas gift, and my kind of gift for this year....unwrapped....so it doesn't seem like a "gift". I don't know why I have this aversion right now. I guess I do, but I could nearly guarantee that if someone gave me a gift that was wrapped right now, I wouldn't open it.....for a long time. I guess I associate opening gifts with celebrating, and I just don't feel like celebrating these days.

Although I'm not working at the moment, I'm still in charge of the Graduation Project at school. My part in it is organizing the speeches and getting judges together for that night. I haven't had the typical volume of responses as I have in the past, so I'm hoping we'll have enough judges. It'll all work out. I work with a fabulous group of people, so I know they will help if I need them to. Working on that will have to be my focus next week so I can get it all settled and ready before the kids are out for Christmas break. They tend to get antsy when they don't know their speech info. and placements before that.

One thing that made today a little brighter was 2 additions to Ayden's name gallery. I'm so looking forward to more of these appearing in my inbox and adding to the gallery. I know some of you are thinking of ways to contribute a creative picture.....

Here are today's:

Thank you Lelan. Adorable!

Thank you Jill and Megan. I love the colors in this one!

Keep them coming....they truly help brighten the day.



  1. What beautiful pictures they did for you! How sweet!! I wish I would have done something like that for Grayson. I'll be thinking about what I can do for you -

    I'm sorry you're having a very rough time right now. Remember about the "waves"...they stink, I know. I hurt for you. Every time I read a new post it breaks my heart more and more. I know what you are going through. I wish there were words I (or anyone) could say to make you and Jeremy feel all better, but I know there's not. Just lean on all of the support you're getting and know Ayden, you & Jeremy are thought of and loved very much ~ Kelley

  2. Lindsay, I appreciate your honesty so much...I know I said that in the email I sent you about Ayden's name gallery, but I really want you to know how grateful I am for that.

    These images of his name are beautiful, and I think it's wonderful that you are collecting these.

    Praying for you...

  3. I love the pictures. . . watch for something from me after Belize. Please let me know about lunch or dinner soon. . . BTW: I would be happy to be a judge if you need one! Just let me know. I helped a senior last year do their senior project.

  4. You said "I embrace the pain some days because it's my only connection to him." I know what you mean. I would rather feel every prick, every sting that remembering her and all that happened brings, than forget her or feel more separated from her.