Trying to find hope...

I haven't been able to write much lately. I know I have posted every day, but I haven't posted anything of real substance. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm struggling. So many of you comment on my honesty and that you appreciate it. It's truly not in my character to be so open. However, one trait I've gained through all of this is honesty. I can't pretend this away. I can't pretend I'm okay when I'm not. So,when people ask how I'm doing, I respond honestly. If people want my honest response to any given question, they get it. One piece of advice I'm constantly given is to do what is best for ME....and I do. The hard part is when what's best for me doesn't quite match up what is best for Jeremy or others, but that's just something we have to work through.

I often read a blog titled Bring the Rain. The author, Angie, is truly inspiring. She has taught me so much about grief and the ups and downs that accompany it. She has recently learned that she is pregnant once again, and I'm so happy for her. Her post today spoke to me. God wants me to find hope. I try to find hope daily. Some days it is harder to find than others, but it's there. Hope will grow stronger with each day..... I can't really pinpoint the hope I have for the future, but I think more than anything, I just hope for joy to return to our lives. I tell myself that I can find true joy in Christ and His presence in my life. That's easy to say, but in this situation, it's harder to live those words than you can possibly imagine. I know God wants me to make him the center, even now, and I know He wants me to just give my burdens to Him. Again, easier said than done. I'm working on it, but it's going to take a while....

I'm trying to look forward to Thursday, but when I think about it and build myself up for it, I just become overwhelmed. I'm to the point where I just want to get through it and it be over. Thank you all for reminding us that we will be in your prayers. Your words are so encouraging....thank you so much. I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving....and remember what is most important.