The comforters....

The moment we lost Ayden, we were crushed and broken. We felt helpless and hopeless. How do we make arrangements for a funeral service? He's 4 months old. "This isn't really happening. It's not real. He'll be back with us tomorrow." The despairing moments following all of this led to my need to be with people who brought me comfort. One would probably guess those people would be family. Yes, to a degree. My family brings my great comfort. However, others came to mind....people who popped into (and still do) mind as sources of comfort. It is b izzare that these some of these people have been sources of comfort in the tough times....some of them don't live nearby and I haven't seen them in years.

1. My Midwife, De Ette - the moment we came back into the family waiting room, I felt an overwhelming need to see her. I have no idea why. We don't know each other well (working on that one), we only had a few pre-natal appointments together. Why would I need her? She birthed my child. The child who is no longer here in spirit. My only child; my precious, beautiful son. She was with me through life's most vulnerable experience. She coached me through and encouraged me. I need her at times to encourage me now.

2. My cousin, Jeannie - Upon entering the family room, Jeannie called me in tears wanting to know what happened. We talked and cried and she prayed. She asked me what she could do. I told her to come and be with me was all I needed. This is a big request - she has 3 kids at home, one on the way, and a job. But she came. Jeannie is my 2nd sister, or I at least like to think of her that way. She said Ayden was more like her nephew than her cousin because she and I have always been like sisters. I'm so glad she got to meet and hold her "nephew" and see me as a mommy. She has always been a source of comfort and strength for me. She came and helped me so much. She continues to help me.

3. Jennifer Hayes - my former youth pastor's wife. Jennifer's face keeps popping into my mind throughout all of this. She isn't able to be here because she lives in Oklahoma. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years. However, her face continues to come to mind, and thinking of her brings me comfort. She is such a compassionate person, and I know that she is feeling this pain with me because she cares so much. Jennifer and her husband, Ronnie, have been constant sources of encouragement and inspiration throughout my life. I love them so much, and I know they feel the same for me. Which means that I also know the depth of sorrow they feel for us.

4. My students - certain faces pass through my mind from time to time: Kasey, Jessica, Whitney, Jeffrey, Melodie, Adam, Goose, Samantha, Hannah, Coressa, Casey, Katie, Abby, Moey, Caylene, Brittany, Chelsea, Sarah, and the list could go on and on....

When I see their faces, I see the kids who have shown such compassion.....when they could have just walked away. They could have easily all signed a card and mailed it to me and that be it. Nope. They took the initiative to make ribbons, promote awareness, show pictures of my beautiful boy, organize a school wide effort to show their support, organize a candlelight vigil in our honor, get t-shirts made in honor of Ayden (if you want one, we can get more), put up a butterfly board in honor of Ayden (the butterflies will later be placed on a Christmas tree at the Greenville Convention Center), and have continued to show their support for us as we are going through this. Teenagers are not known for selflessness; they get a bad wrap at unfair stereotype. These kids prove it all wrong any day!

I have found comfort in the expected people....Jeremy, family, church family, friends, co-workers. However, the above four are the strange exception. They run through my mind often, usually when I'm having a rough moment in my day. At that moment, I see one of the faces, and comfort eases in. I hope all of this didn't sound too weird. But we all need people around us who bring us comfort during difficult times. I'm so thankful for such people. My friends - Candi and Amber - keep up with me and are sure to check in on me often. I can vent and rant to them and they listen and offer encouragement as needed. My sister gets me out of the house on her days off. It's so nice to know I can rely on her to help make things a little easier. She doesn't give herself credit for anything, but I will - she is an awesome sister and one of my best friends. She would do anything in the world for me, and I for her. Her compassion is evident, and I'm so thankful for her. She is hurting too, and at times I have to remind myself of that. She needs comfort too.

You would be amazed at the people who pop into your mind when you go through a tragic event in your life. Let those people encourage you, and grow from the wisdom they provide. It's no accident that they are placed in your life. Lean on them, and let them be there for you whether it is in body or in spirit through prayer. Your loved ones want to help in anyway they can. Let them. It will begin the healing process for all of you.



  1. It's wonderful that you have people like those mentioned to help you through this awful time.

    I would like a t-shirt. You mentioned you could get more made. I would assume you would want to wait until you get requests to order them and will wait to see a post on your blog about how to get one.

    I know it's a small gesture, but it will help keep Ayden's memory alive.

  2. I am so glad you have all of these people. I pray you get more that will help you through this time.

    thinking of you - Kelley

  3. I SO believe that people are put in our lives for situations to come later down the line. That has happened to me several times, with the most recent being just last year. When I was pregnant with Ethan he was diagnoised in the womb with a kidney/urinary problem and was not given a good diagnosis. There was (is) one special lady who I "craved" at that time. She helped me through, prayed with and for me (and Ethan) and was just an all around comfort. God works in mysterious ways like that.