Why didn't I think of that?

I've never been good at analogies. I know, I'm an English teacher....I should be a pro at them. They've never been my strength. I received a comment today that completely put into words the out-of-control emotions I felt over the weekend. Perhaps it'll help everyone else understand just how stressful it all is to handle....

I think trying to keep a foot in both worlds, the world before death, and the world after death, can be the most exhausting of all. It is this crazy cyclical loop of feeling bad, other folks feeling awkward and badly, so you feel bad, and wanting to be understood while wishing to be left alone. Like having your nose pressed to the bakery window, you out in the cold, hungry, watching others in the warmth filling up on treats, longing to be part of the experience and knowing it isn't yours to have anylonger. (not true, just how it feels)

I know we are not alone. I know we have friends and family who would be here any hour of the day or night whenever we need them. I know people have not forgotten. But it's hard to fight those feelings sometimes.

God bless those of you who stick with us....especially me and my crazy emotions.

Ayden's marker came in today. The pictures are not of great quality. It was getting dark, and I didn't have my memory card. So my sister took these with her phone. I think it turned out beautifully. I love his sweet, beautiful name.



  1. :) what wonderful words and a great perspective...continuing to pray for you everday!

  2. It is a beautiful marker. ((HUGS))

  3. That's very nice, still thinking of you a lot.

  4. that IS a beautiful marker and beautiful flowers too....for a beautiful little boy.

  5. His marker is absolutely beautiful. Just wanted to say so.

  6. Ayden's marker and flowers are absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Brought tears to my eyes.

  7. As I read your past few blogs, I think of a quote I read a few days ago. It read "Don't worry about tomorrow, God's already there". I know this holiday season is going to be tough. But, you will not go through it alone. You have so many praying for you.Family, friends, and complete strangers have you on their daily prayer list. Stay strong Lindsay, its gonna get better.

  8. Someone sent me a link to your blog. I just finished reading Ayden's story and a few of your past posts. Your Ayden is so precious and I know your heart is aching like mine is to have him here with you. I am so glad that you and your husband will be going to the Respite Retreat. I pray that God continues to supply the strength you need to get through each day. So thankful for the HOPE that we both share! -Jess

  9. Lindsay,

    I just found your blog by clicking next blog. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I also lost my son earlier this year, and I know losing a child is the worst thing a parent can go through, but things will "get better." I know nothing I'll say will help you but I'm here if you ever need to talk.

    The marker is beautiful! Ayden is and will always be a beautiful boy! :) Just remember he's watching over his mommy and daddy.


    ~ Carla - mommy to ^Joseph^ (2.3.09 - 2.26.09)

  10. Beautiful marker! We are going to change Grayson's in the near future because his is starting to fade a little. I want it to always look nice.

    We didn't celebrate the holidays that first year. We went to the beach on Christmas to get away from it all.

    Thinking of y'all - Kelley

  11. I just wanted to say God bless you and I'm praying for your family.

  12. Lindsay and Jeremy,
    It is so amazing that when I read your thoughts, I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel. I understand every word that you type. May God continue to bless us all. Love, gail