Milestones Missed....


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6 months ago, the most beautiful baby boy, named Ayden Jones, came into this world. From the start he was so full of personality. Many people who met him noticed he was just not your typical newborn. So curious, inquisitive, alert, and happy from the moment he joined us.

Ayden would be sitting up now...and probably jabbering a lot more than he had been already. He would be enjoying peas, squash, carrots.....eating was not a problem with him....so I feel sure that he would be a good little eater.

I try not to dwell on the fact that we will miss so many milestones with Ayden. I can't wallow in the missed opportunities.. I feel certain that I will get those opportunities again, with Ayden. Instead of dwelling on what I'm missing out on, I try to remind myself of what I was given. God gave us what would have otherwise been missed opportunities with Ayden....he did a lot of things much earlier than he should have. I feel that God allowed Ayden to develop a little quicker so we could enjoy just a little more with him. I'm so thankful for that.

Today, Ayden and I were going to share a 1/2 birthday.....I was 26 1/2 yesterday, and he would have made it to the halfway mark today. He will forever be the best (almost)birthday gift I've ever received. Birthdays from now on will be a little less happy......I looked forward to us sharing our birthdays each year.

Strangley enough, I did not remember what Sunday was. It was the 25th - marking 2 months since Ayden went to Heaven. All week, I had been anticipating that day....it crossed my mind numerous times a day. However, when Sunday came, I didn't remember. I didn't think about it until the next day when I realized it hadn't crossed my mind once the day before. I know prayers were being lifted up that day for us; we were protected that day.

I could dwell on that day....I could wallow in the memories of that day....but I choose to remember a happier day. April 27th will forever mark one of the happiest moments in my entire life. I choose to celebrate life....Ayden's life. I hope you all will celebrate with me. I am thankful that, with the exception of one, all of our memories with Ayden are happy. They are memories we can go back to, laugh about, cherish, and hold on to forever.

Forever - Jeremy mentioned last night that "forever" is how long this will be with us. It's not like being sick and knowing....in two days, I'll feel better. There is no "better" with this. The aching will ease....the heartache will fade, but the loss is forever. We will move forward, have more children, watch them grow up, meet people who won't associate us with our first child, and we will live knowing that one of us is missing..... But we will not meet anyone who will not know about Ayden. We will introduce our next child as our second child, and we will open up the opportunity to introduce others to our first, our beautiful Ayden.


We love you, Ayden. We can't wait to see you again.....soon.


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5 comments:

  1. Dates do stink! I'm sorry. As you know, Grayson moved to Heaven the night of my B'day - you are not alone with the date thing. I am so sorry for you.

    Happy half B'day to both of you...I am sending love up to Ayden and wishing him a happy half B'day.

    Thinking about you, and love you - Kelley

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  2. Happy 1/2 birthday sweet boy! Sorry that you are without him today & always.

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  3. Happy 1/2 birthday to Mr. Ayden! I imagine he's sitting up there with all of his new friends, enjoying a 1/2 birthday cake. Tooting a 1/2 birthday horn while they all sing "happy 6 month birthday to you." Happy 1/2 to you as well. Hope your day is good celebrating LIFE!

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  4. I hugging you, can you feel it....

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  5. Hi Lindsay...my sister (Amy Reber) told me about your loss via facebook. I am so sorry that you had to "celebrate" without your son. My 2nd daughter died shortly after she was born - I can relate to much of what you are writing, and am glad that you have decided that Ayden will always be introduced as your first child, even though he isn't here. I say that I have four children - three here and one in heaven. My prayers are with you.
    sincerely,
    Sarah Hall

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