Some Anger and Some Joy

Before I get to the deep stuff....

Gail Wheeless: See comment in comment section

I went to the State Fair today with my sister and my Dad. We spend a lot of time with our mom, so days just with Daddy have always been special to us. So, every now and then we have a "Daddy day" with Daddy and his girls. We always love Daddy days because the three of us really have a good time together and he is up for whatever we're up for. At the fair, we all like to look at the livestock, so most of our time was spent looking at all the animals. We saw a HUGE rabbit....HUGE, and goats...pigs...peacocks...sheep...very tall horses....prize winning pumpkins, watermelons, squash, potatoes, and dill pickles. We went to a pig race, which was really cute. Enjoyed that a lot. Sadly, I have yet to realize my dream of meeting WRAL weatherman, Mike Maze. Had we gone tomorrow....I could have met him. *sigh* One year....

We left the fair after, of course, sampling some food (hot dogs, chicken pita, pizza - no fried butter for us) and left with a funnel cake, cotton candy, and a candy apple. Oh, and sore legs and feet....I have the blisters to prove the amount of walking we did!

Then, we got home. I was alone in my house, which has not happened much since everything happened....people usually don't let me be alone for very long (at my request usually). I'm not afraid to be alone; it's just comforting when someone else is there. I can have moments when I'm alone that are okay...calm...easy to deal with. Tonight, though, was not one of those nights. After being at the fair and being overloaded with seeing so many babies and families.....I couldn't hold it in anymore. So, I entered into another argument session with God (oh, I'm so glad he can take my arguing). I saw these families....some with 4, 5 happy...enjoying their time together....and here I am, my one and only child...gone. He'll never go to the fair with us; he'll never play on a sports team; he'll never have a birthday party; he'll never have any of what those other parents get to experience....and I will never have it with him. We hope to have many more kids, but that still won't change the fact that we will never experience all of those things with Ayden.

I was angry with God for allowing people who deny him to have happy, successfull lives....lives that never include a tragedy like this. And here we are fully believing in his Word and His love, and He allowed our little boy to be taken away. I don't wish bad things on just seems kind of backwards. I told God that I knew I had every reason in the world to turn away from Him right now....and believe me, I've been mad enough to even contemplate it, but....I won't. I will continue to serve Him despite this. Ultimately, He knows better than I do....He knew this would happen to us.....He knew I would react this way and have these kinds of days.....and He also knows when joy will be restored to my life. I sure hope it's soon.....

So, after sitting on the couch for a little while...having my crying session....I decided to look at something in Randy Alcorn's book, Heaven. I wanted to see what he said about children in Heaven. What I read brought me right back into tears, but they were tears of relief and joy. Here is what he wrote:

Isaiah 11:6-9
"the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them....The infant will play near the hole of the cobra, and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain."

The end of sin and the complete righteousness of all Earth's inhabitants won't come until the New Earth. But if Isaiah 11 is speaking of the New Earth, as does its parallel passage in Isaiah 65, who are the infants and young children playing with the animals? Is it possible that children, after they're ressurected on the New Earth, will be at the same level of development as when they died?

If so, these children would presumably be allowed to grow up on the New Earth - a childhood that would be enviable, to say the least! Believing parents, then, would presumably be able to see their children grow up - and likely have a major role in their lives as they do so. This would fit something I'll propose later, that on the New Earth many opportunities lost in this life will be wonderfully restored. Although it's not directly stated and I am therefore speculating, it's possible that parents whose hearts were broken through the death of their children will not only be reunited with them but will also experience the joy of seeing them grow a perfect world.

Oh, I hope it's true. As he said, he's speculating, but if you go by scripture....who would those infants be? They would have to be the ones lost too soon. I wept at the thought of getting my second chance...being able to hold my baby love him and nurture him in a perfect world. How wonderful will that be??? I so look forward to that day and live for that day.



  1. Gail,

    I read your comment on yesterday's blog. Thank you so much. I remember you son's death very vividly. Your son and my husband were very good friends in high school. Jeremy attended William's funeral. He spoke so kindly of William...about the kind of person he was. Just wanted to share our connection with you. God bless you and your family. We continue to keep you all in our prayers.


  2. I'm crying after reading this post - for you, and because of the thought of being able to watch our Grayson grow up in a perfect world!! Maybe we can live next to each other and watch Ayden & Grayson grow up together...what a nice thought!!! We can remind one another of the pain we had down here, but how happy we are living in Heaven with our boys!

    And rememeber, people watch MY family - with Emily, Virginia & Jack and think we have a great, happy family too...they have NO idea that we carry pain around, even now. They have no idea we are missing a child...

    I am thinking about y'all and I love you - Kelley

  3. I am in tears after reading your post. That is what gets me through each day, knowing that I will see little Danny again, this time in a perfect world! I'll be able to hold him in my arms again. Just as you will be able to hold Ayden again. I want you to remember what the Lord promised us in Revelation 21:4 "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."
    Won't it be a wonderful day! One that we both long for.

  4. How lucky and blessed you would be to see Ayden grown up in a perfect world! I hope it's so!

  5. Lyndsay,

    I just wanted to pop in and say hi! I keep you in my prayers.
    I know that we are from different faiths but, the same loving Heavenly Father that took Ayden home took my little Sage home. I know that I will be with Sage a again. I believe this truth without a doubt.

    Joseph F. Smith said:
    "Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ' You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volume of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us."

    I just look forward to raising Sage again someday!

    Peace and comfort I leave with you.

  6. Thank you Lindsay for writing to me. Please tell Jeremy how much I appreciate him attending William's funeral on that cold November day.We are connected even more than I realized. I'm glad William and Jeremy knew one another so well. I will continue to pray for you. Just as Isaiah reveals...God gives strength to the weary and increases our power. I can tell that you are so strong in many ways and that's GOD pushing you and Jeremy to do your best. God bless. I may not write to you daily, but I THINK and PRAY for y'all daily. Love, gail
    Feel free to write anytime.

  7. I love that we can say whatever is on our heart to God. It took me a long time to realize that and how it really does deepen our relationship with Him.
    I just looked up Randy Alcorn's book. I want to get it and read it.
    I continue to pray for and be sad with you. I miss seeing you too. I'm going to send an email about us getting together.

    I love you.

  8. That would certainly be cool if that's the case. We would have our hands full though with four babies. I guess I could only manage that in a perfect world.

    Still praying for you family and remembering Ayden!

  9. mmmmm fair food! Fried "whatever" on a stick. nothing like it. Good thing the fair only comes around once a year or so, huh?