Did you miss me? Our internet has been down for some strange reason....it isn't really the internet; it's my computer, which is so frustrating. I've been frantically trying to fix it today with no luck. I'm pretty tech-savvy, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong today. So, I'm using my mom's computer to post a quick blog. I've felt a little lost without my outlet these past few days. I usually wait until I'm in bed, settled for the night to blog - it's my comfy place. I'm not able to get my thoughts out well in any other place, which is why this one will be short for now - I'm on the couch.
Our trip to Charleston went well. I handled it okay...although I had some down moments. Those come and go every day, though. It was really nice to be back home to Jeremy....we don't do well without each other. Good thing, huh? Sunday marked 9 years - 9 years that we've been together. 9 years ago Jeremy asked me to be his girlfriend (we were 17). 9 years ago, I was waiting very impatiently for him to make us official. 9 year ago began a lifelong journey...a journey I was SO excited about and still am. I can still look at him and get butterflies. I look at him and see my true match. I love everything about us. We work so well together, and especially in times like these....we are able to see WHY we are together. God brought us together 9 years ago because He knew we would need each other for this. He knew Ayden would need us as parents and that we were the perfect choice for him...to give him the love and care that would make him so happy. And while we don't like our circumstances at all....we know God brought us together to hold each other up and support each other through the hardest of times. I don't know what could be harder than this....
My request is a simple and selfish one. I'm not even sure it's appropriate, but I'm posting it anyway. It's one that was made by a blogger friend of mine when she lost her daughter in the same way we lost Ayden. It's a request made out of a need to know my son's life meant something to those around him. It's a request that any parent who has lost a child has either made vocally or has wished earnestly in their heart. My request is this:
If Ayden's life or loss has touched you in any way....caused you to change something about yourself....or made you think about things a little differently....please share that with us through a comment, message, email, card, etc. We know how much Ayden MEANS to us and the imprint he has made on our lives. Please share with us the imprint he has made on you.
I will be posting more later....once I'm able to use my computer again. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. With each day, we continue to feel the void that has been left within us. We'll never NOT feel it. But with God's help and a lot of time, we know we will heal. We couldn't get through each day relying on our own strength. We know He is carrying us....and He uses your prayers and kind words to pull us through. Thank you...
I have been reluctant to say anything about how Ayden (and you) have touched my life, that is until now, until you asked! I can only imagine how hard some things are to hear and I wasn't sure what the appropriate words were. But, here you go...
ReplyDeleteEach and every day since Ayden's passing, I have checked in on your blog. Ayden's smile gives me the biggest smile each time I see his little face in the top right corner of the page. Each day, you amaze me more and more with your faith in God and the trust you have in His way. Though I know you get angry and confused and hurt with God at times, you haven't turned your back on Him and that is something I admire. Ayden has made me a better mother...I have learned to cherish the smallest things in my son's life and not take anything for granted. I have learned not to get so frustrated with the little things and to take every moment in and never let it go. Of course, I still have my moments, but each and every time I start to get frustrated, I see Ayden's precious smile and I stop and thank God for that frustrating moment because after all, I should be thankful for EVERY moment of EVERY day, no matter what. Your faith has made my faith stronger. I can honestly say at this point in my life, I am not sure how I would react towards God if I was in your situation. But, I do know that prior to reading your blog and keeping up with you on a daily basis, I would have most likely turned away from Him and lost my faith. Ayden has made me a better mother and you have made my faith stronger! I hope you know that you are a blessing to so many, though I completely understand why that may not help you at all and I still wish more than anything it didn't have to be this way for Ayden to have touched lives.
God Bless you and Jeremy!
Brie
I feel a bit odd leaving a comment as you don't know me and I don't know you. However, I think of you often--probably more often than I should.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that I follow your blog and think of you and your precious baby boy every day. He truly is a beautiful baby. He obviously led a very happy life surrounded by your love and care.
I have 2 daughters. An 8 year old and an 8 month old. I truly can't even imagine your grief. Just thinking about it tears me up.
I just really wanted you to know that knowing of Ayden, has made me a much better mother to my children. I have learned to appreciate and cherish each and every second. Even the middle of the night feedings!
I truly hope and pray that you find strength and comfort and peace.
If nothing else, please know that someone in Northern Maine is praying for you and your family.
Sincerely,
Michelle
mcoll78@msn.com
I originally came to your blog when a facebook friend posted the link along with a request for prayer the day after Ayden's passing. As I sat weeping, while reading your post, my two babies, a 7 month old and 2 year old napped peacefully.
ReplyDeleteI'm a stay at home mom and that day had been especially trying and I'd lost my patience once or twice. As I read I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and thankfulness. I realized that there are so many mothers, like you, who would give anything to change the poopy diapers and clean up the messes and listen to the screaming baby just one more time. Since that moment any time I've started to take it all for granted or get frustrated, little Ayden's beautiful face pops into my mind. His (your) story is a reminder to me how fragile it all is and that we haven't been promised tomorrow. I didn't and still don't understand why God would take your precious baby boy so soon, but Ayden has definitely touched my heart and your loss has made a profound impact on my life.
You and Jeremy are in my prayers always now. I know how your heart longs to be able to stay at home with your next baby, so I will continue to pray that everything works out and you're able to do so. Since the first time I read your blog I've wanted to comment, to send you some words of comfort, but they always seem to come out inadequately, but after reading your request I knew I needed to let you know what an impact Ayden has had on me as a mommy. I just want you to know that your son fulfilled a purpose much larger than you or I will probably ever fully understand this side of heaven. I know God's hand was in this, even though we don't understand, but I know He will continue to hold you and guide you.
God Bless,
Bridget
I originally came to your blog when a facebook friend posted the link along with a request for prayer the day after Ayden's passing. As I sat weeping, while reading your post, my two babies, a 7 month old and 2 year old napped peacefully.
ReplyDeleteI'm a stay at home mom and that day had been especially trying and I'd lost my patience once or twice. As I read I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and thankfulness. I realized that there are so many mothers, like you, who would give anything to change the poopy diapers and clean up the messes and listen to the screaming baby just one more time. Since that moment any time I've started to take it all for granted or get frustrated, little Ayden's beautiful face pops into my mind. His (your) story is a reminder to me how fragile it all is and that we haven't been promised tomorrow. I didn't and still don't understand why God would take your precious baby boy so soon, but Ayden has definitely touched my heart and your loss has made a profound impact on my life.
You and Jeremy are in my prayers always now. I know how your heart longs to be able to stay at home with your next baby, so I will continue to pray that everything works out and you're able to do so. Since the first time I read your blog I've wanted to comment, to send you some words of comfort, but they always seem to come out inadequately, but after reading your request I knew I needed to let you know what an impact Ayden has had on me as a mommy. I just want you to know that your son fulfilled a purpose much larger than you or I will probably ever fully understand this side of heaven. I know God's hand was in this, even though we don't understand, but I know He will continue to hold you and guide you.
God Bless,
Bridget
Ayden's death has made me look at my day to day life differently. When I get upset over some minor little incident, I think of you and Jeremy and your loss. That sure puts things in perspective. To lose such a beautiful little treasure has to be horrible. How your arms must ache to hold him. I am a 12-year breast cancer survivor which definitely changed my outlook on life, but the loss of your precious little Ayden has renewed my determination to "not sweat the small stuff" and be thankful for everyone in my life.
ReplyDeleteThank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you. I pray daily for God's strength and peace for you and Jeremy.
I did miss you!
ReplyDeleteLindsay, I am not a parent and cannot even fathom what you and Jeremy have experienced. From welcoming a child into this world to letting go--it's nothing that I can relate to. But I do know that his short life has touched me and changed me, helping me draw closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Ayden helped me see how important it is to appreciate each day, to enjoy the most of our time in this world but to also look ahead to our eternal home. He's taught me lessons that will guide me when we are parents--the whole idea that a child is on loan from God... I had never thought of that before. He's shown us how an entire community--schools, churches, strangers--can be affected by one little boy and his four months here with us. And I know for a fact that Ayden helped Justin make his decision to be baptized a couple of weeks ago.
Ayden will not be forgotten. He will always be your first son, a part of our small group and church's story, and a promise that we will get to see him again...
Coming across your blog and reading your story about Ayden definitely made me think twice about the small things I get upset with everyday.
ReplyDeleteI try not to get so upset over work, or the fact I am single. I just try to be more thankful for what I do have.
Reading your blogs and reading how honest you are about your pain has touched me. It made me think how Ayden fulfilled his purpose for Jesus in such a short time and I just hope I can do half of what your sweet little boy did in my life.
Thanks for you sharing your day to day emotions. I continue to pray for you daily.
I didn't realize you guys had been together that long! Chris and I started dating my junior year of high school. Isn't is wonderful to have known them for so long?
ReplyDeleteLindsay,
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have known Ayden while he was here, but he has still impacted my life. Since I have come to your blog there isn't a day that goes by that I don't look into my own son's eyes and think of Ayden. God sent my boys to me and can take them at any time. I always knew that, but reading through this experience made it real. I am more thankful, tell them I love them more, kiss and hug them more, let little kid things slide more all because of Ayden. If you knew me, you would know I live for my boys, they are my LIFE and you would think it would be impossible to do those things more, but I have. Your son took my love to a different level.
a fiend of mine passed your blog on to her mother that works with me I have been reading your blog ever since...... I am sorry for your loss and It amazing to me to read that you've never lost your faith in the lord thru all of this. I just wanted to let you know that You have made me ealize waht I blessing I have with my 3 month old son Collin I look at him every day and that he lord for him.... Ayden was very handsome fellow and I have only seen pictures of him but im sure he was even better in person.... I jsut wante to let your know that your situation has touched my life and made me appreciate whatthe lord has given me so mcu more than I ever did.... you never know what the lord has in store for you but I am glad that you and Jeremy are able to still love the lord thru this and be bitter toward him.I enjoy reading your blog and your memories of Ayden... I hope that the lord will bless you with a nother precious life soon.....
ReplyDeleteGood morning! It's NOT a selfish request. And my reply will in no way be simple. I found your blog through Jonah's blog, and I can't really recall how I found THAT blog. I don't sleep well, so I blog stalk at night. That being said...you are now one of my "bookmarks" and I check your blog everyday, often more than once a day. I'm not certain I can tell you all I have to tell you in a comment. I'd love to have your email...love to express to you how my life has changed since you lost your sweet boy. I've never met you, probably never will...but you have changed me, changed my faith...my email address is kathryneddins1@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteOff to start the day...
((((HUGS)))) I can't even begin to imagine your pain. Ayden's life is special & should be remembered by everyone he touched & is still touching. I'm so sorry this happened.
ReplyDeleteHey Lindsay
ReplyDeleteI didn't get to meet Ayden. I was supposed to the Friday that I got back to Greenville from Williamsburg. I had texted you and you said to call you that day, and I honestly forgot. I'm so sad I forgot because I really wanted to meet the sweet little boy who meant so much to you and Jeremy. I'm so sad that I let my own schedule get in the way of meeting the little angel who still means so much to you guys. He was beautiful, Lindsay, and IS beautiful and even though I didn't get to meet him I know that he changed my heart in significant ways by helping me see that in such a short amount of time he could mean the world to so many people. Lindsay I know that Ayden is a little boy that you will treasure for the rest of your life. When I went to his funeral I saw your strength in the Lord. I saw what it meant to be a Mom so in love with her child that she would keep a journal for him, and unselfishly realize He was a gift from our almighty creator. I saw what true love is. Thank you for showing that. Through Ayden I saw a glimpse of true happiness, joy, and love. I'm continuing to pray for you guys and if you need anything please let me know.
Every night I now pray with my youngest son. I thank God for the day, for their presence, for their health and for being their mother. It really hit home to me after reading your blog during your darkest days how simple of a thing that praying is to do with your children and how common it is to forget and just try and get them asleep. This is now a part of our night night routine. Will knows that it is time for bed when I speak those few words.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being an inspiration to the rest of us. Pray for peace and joy for you both. Know that God is good and that He has great things in store for you.
Fondly,
Mary Ann Mason (Lauren's aunt)
Hearing about little Ayden makes me give extra kisses,hugs and love to my little girl. I think we tend to get into a groove of life and not that we start to take things for granted, but you think of this kind of thing happening to other people...not you. It reminds me that God can call our babies or anyone we love home at any time. We are not guaranteed tomorrow or even the remaining of today. Each day is a gift and I try to remember that...Ayden helps remind me of that. Your faith as well is amazing. I am always saying a prayer for you guys.
ReplyDeleteAyden has made me absolutely stop and treasure my time with Noah. It was so easy after a hard day at work to come home and get frustrated with Noah for wanting me to hold him while I was cooking dinner, folding laundry, etc. Now, I stop and take that time with him because you never know when it could be the last chance you have to hold him.
ReplyDeleteI don't which blog led me to yours, but Ayden has certainly touched my life. I am a mother of 4 and took for granted some days with them...not so much now...I cherish even the days of teething with my 1 year old. Your loss is more than I can imagine...a piece of my heart is with you because I am a mother. I have thanked God that in all of this He is your strength...and I thank Him that you and your husband have each other. I truly want you to know that a "stranger" across cyber-space has been touched by Ayden's life!
ReplyDeleteit is the ache and desire of every mothers heart to know that our children impacted the world, friends and family...that others will remember their small face, their bright smile...that their breif life had meaning and purpose beyond the walls of your home. Aydens life,albeit short...was meanful and fulfilled Gods purpose for him...He brought joy to many...reminded many of what life was really all about. Although his days were few, his legacy is long...and will continue to grow through Gods work in your life. As you remember Ayden and talk about him and what God is doing through those feeling and memories...what God is teaching you through your sons life and death...Aydens legacy will continue to grow, he will, through you and your life, be remembered and an anxiously anticipated person to meet in eternity.
ReplyDeleteHe was wonderful.
He is remembered.
He is in heaven awaiting the day he will be reunited with you.
He is always your son, your firstborn, a part of your family...he is and always will be. No one who truly matters to you, who truly loves you, will ever forget your precious boy or the life and love that he had and gave to those he touched.
His legacy might be even greater now than it could have been...God is good in all He does.
I will remember Ayden.
I promise.
Cari
I think I have commented before, but I can't remember...
ReplyDeleteI have an 8m daughter. She was born on 2/10/09 and my husband and I adopted her. I thought, after TTC for SO long and experiencing so much heart-ache and loss, that I would never ever take a single second of parenthood for granted. How quickly we forget! Sometimes I catch myself being exhausted with my patience growing thin. In those moments I think of those who would kill for one more second with their child, fussy baby or not. You are one of the first who come to mind.
I used to hope that ppl who read my blog would read what I wrote and be THANKFUL and GRATEFUl for their fertility. The ability to easily carry and deliver a healthy child. I will say that I am THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for every second with my daughter. Your story has definitely helped me to be as thankful and grateful as possible.
I've also learned from Ayden's story that when people in my life lose a loved one, especially a child or baby, that I need to help keep the memory alive. Sometimes we don't know what to say to someone who is grieving so we simply avoid the topic that we assume causes pain. I am working on that after reading your blog.
Ayden's life was short but FULL and I see that and I'll never forget his gorgeous, infectious smile.
I came across your blog around the time of Ayden's passing through another blog that I was looking at. I don't know you, your husband, or Ayden yet my heart was torn and so sad about what happened. I want to reach and give you a hug daily. I am amazed that eventhough it is so hard you are writing about it and reaching out to people.
ReplyDeleteAyden made me a better mother to my daughter. I took little annoying moments as something that is a moment that should be remembered. I even talked to the center that I work at about Ayden's passing and how even though we can't prevent SIDS how we could be more aware when the infants are sleeping in their cribs.
I pray for you all often and know that one day you'll be with that smiling little boy again. God Bless you all.
Lauren's blog led me to yours. I read your post about what happened out loud to my husband. We are expecting a baby girl in December. After reading your post, we had a very long discussion and cried together - a very heartbreaking incident that touched us both. When the baby comes home from the hospital, I wonder how either of us will ever be able to sleep again always thinking about if the baby is breathing. And what will I do when she goes to a home daycare where I can't watch her all the time? Your situation became very real to us all of a sudden because we are expecting. My heart goes out to you, your husband, and your families.
ReplyDeleteI have posted several comments hoping to encourage you and Jeremy!!! I cant even imagine being in your shoes. I think you are doing amazingly well!! I think this is because of your great love and faith in our lord and savior!! Your family has really shown me what faith in god can do for someone in a time grief!! Your little man makes me smile just looking at his picture!!! I check your blog daily to see how your doing. I dont know you personally, but I feel like I do after reading you blog for so many months!!! I pray for your family daily and think about you guys even more often than that!!
ReplyDeleteHugs from Georgia
Lindsay Phillips
I too have been reluctant to leave you a comment... but since you asked... here goes
ReplyDeleteI work at the PCMH in Information Systems and several of my coworkers know you guys. I came across your blog as a link from one of their Facebook pages. I am originally from Chocowinity and have a step son at Southside HS, so as you can see we have multiple mutual friends but haven't met personally.
I too have checked your blog several times a week and each time I find myself in tears. I have a 12 month old little girl, and I could in no way imagine how you are handling this. I too find myself "being a better mom" because of your story. I squeeze her a little tighter, check on her a little longer...say an extra prayer, try not to get so frustrated with her when she does all those things a toddler does. I You have also helped remind me that I need to have a closer relationship with God. The grace you have shown me and the hope and faith you still have amaze and inspire me.
So have you touched my life...oh without a doubt, did Ayden, most definitely. Thank you for sharing with us.
I too am another mom who came across your blog through a posting praying for you and Jermey. I have a 4 month old and a 4 year old. I check your blog often and every time I finish I sit back and thank God again for my girls. I can not even begin to fathom what you have been through. I think of you often, each time my patience grows thin, especially with my 4 year old. I also admire the way you continue to trust His plan. God bless you and Jeremy.
ReplyDeleteHi Lindsay
ReplyDeleteI have posted a few comments over the last month and your story has touched my life and I do think of you often even though I don't really "know" you in real life. My twin girls were born the day before your sweet Ayden so I felt drawn to your story immediately. I could not imagine the hurt, sadness, and pain you and Jeremy had to go through.
Your story made me more conscience about how I let my girls sleep when they take a nap and go to bed. I think many of us think we are invincible and the bad things only happened to other people, not to us. I was letting my girls sleep on their stomachs here and there until I read your blog the day after Ayden was taken from you. From then, I made sure they always sleep on their backs.
I'm sure it seems weird to know that your loss has helped others to make changes. Each time I see a new post on your blog, my heart aches for you and I wish things could be different and you could be blogging happy moments every day rather than reaching out to the world with your sadness and heart ache. Ayden will be remembered by many and I see his sweet face on my blog every day now that I added your button to my page.
Many thoughts and prayers your way,
Amy Prather
Hey there. I've posted a couple comments now and then but I thought I'd post again and let you know how I feel about yall's sweet little fella.
ReplyDeleteMy Ethan was born just a week or so before Ayden so I'm strongly drawn to your blog because our little ones are the same age.
Anyway, like someone else posted, I think it's just natural for parents to want to know how their kiddos touch the lives of others and I'm glad you asked.
For me, I put myself in your shoes and I cry...I mean CRY! I just can't imagine your hurt but I continue to be amazed at you and your hubby's faith and confidence that this goodbye is only temporary. I'm very glad you have God to help carry you through this whole ordeal.
I check in on your blog daily and reading up and remembering Ayden makes me stop and just thank God for every single moment I have with mine. Not just my kids, but my family in general.
All of our breaths are measured...must remember that and take in every moment we have with them.
Thank you for sharing your journey and in return we will certainly remember Ayden.
The grief you've expressed over losing your son has affected my relationship with both my daughters (2 years, 9 months) in a profound way. I hug them a little tighter, think twice before I get upset with them, and stare at their sleeping faces for a few more minutes each night. It's terrifying to think of how frail our lives truly are, and your experience has taught me to cherish every day with my girls no matter how grumpy or stressed out I feel. I don't want to waste a moment of the blessing of their lives.
ReplyDeleteI remember getting the “urgent prayer request” email about Ayden being rushed to the hospital and then being stunned after seeing the next one that said he didn’t make it. I just kept saying oh no over and over again..
ReplyDeleteThe loss of Ayden’s life has made me think so much about the life is a vapor verse. One that I already believed that I had an understanding of, but really didn’t. I’ve been changed in being bolder with sharing about Jesus. So many people knew about Ayden. The words that you and Jeremy shared at the service about Ayden being in heaven and if one person came to know Jesus through this. Wow. I’ve shared that with so many people.
I’ve thought about suffering more, particularly our response to each other. And how important it is to be there, even when there are no words.
I’ve thought about how very blessed Ayden is to have you for parents. I feel like I’ve gotten to know him through the pictures and videos. And how my faith has been strengthened by the very very honest sharing from you.
I love you.
I have been reading your blog since your first post after Ayden's death (another blogger had requested prayers for you and Jeremy and included your site). I wanted to just reach into my computer and kiss his cheeks. I couldn't even imagine the pain you both were going through (and still are). I just became a first-time gma to our little man (8/3/09) and realized how sudden we could lose him as you lost Ayden. Ayden has brought me closer to our grandson...I spend extra time to cuddle him. I've thought of Ayden each and every day since his passing. Sorry I'm rambling...you had mentioned in one of your posts how when people say things it usually hurts more than helps so I didn't want to say how Ayden has brought me closer to Luke because the last thing I want to do is to deepen your pain. But I know you were in shock still and I think it is good for you to hear that Ayden was here for a reason and to touch other people which he definitely has. Ayden's spirit lives on...even around strangers such as myself. My thoughts and prayers are with you daily.
ReplyDeleteUntil I read your most recent post, I have been hesitant to respond. I will try to say the right things, but I have never been in your situation and have never felt pain or a loss this intense. So, I will just say what is on my heart. We go to Middlesex Church of God and heard about you through a fellow member on Facebook. The day I read your story, I was sitting at my office, routinely checking my facebook account. I read your story, saw the video played at the service. I completely broke down, closed our shop, and went home and just held my children. I am a mother of 4 (8 yr old daughter, Katelyn; almost 3 year old twins, Kyle and Kelli; and son, Isaac, who is almost 1). All day long, my heart broke for you and your husband and families. I felt so guilty that I could hold my children. I have continued to pray for you through the weeks and check your blog. I am amazed at your faith and love for God. I just wanted to tell you that we have devotions and prayer time with our children at nights. The 2 yr old twins and my daughter each say their prayers and I have explained what has happened to your son. They have been faithful to pray for Ayden's mommy and daddy using very "rough" prayers, mixed with requests for Scooby Doo and Daddy's motorcycle, but they are the prayers of children. God honors their prayers and I sincerely hope that you find comfort in this. Even now, when I see little Ayden's face, my heart breaks, but also smiles at the same time. He was indeed a special little man that touched the lives of so many. I truly believe that Ayden's passing has touched the hearts of others and has led people to Christ. Please keep posting your blogs and never, ever feel like you have to apologize for any of your emotions. They are all appropriate. Remember Job, when God took away everything, tore his clothes and wept bitterly, but God said that His servant Job found favor in His sight. Me and my family love you guys. I know we have never met you, but we love you with the love of the Lord and look forward to meeting Ayden soon. Lord come quickly! Thank you for taking the time to read this.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter was born in the same month as Ayden. I found your blog after he passed away and have visited every day since. I admire you and your strength, but more than that I have learned so much through your story. I do not take moments for granted. If I am frustrated or angry or tired, I remember you and your family. Ayden is remembered every day in our family!
ReplyDeleteI too have been reluctant to say anything b/c I don't actually know you, but your story has definitely touched me more than you know. I came across your blog through a friend's blog and it was the day you posted what happened to Ayden. My heart literally broke for you when I read your post and couldn't stop crying. I have 2 small children of my own (4 and 1) and I can't imagine losing either of them. Its a parent's worst nightmare. It has been truely inspiring to me as a mom and christian to see how you and Jeremy have handled this with such grace and staying so strong in your faith. As soon as I read that first post about what happend to Ayden I immediately couldn't stop hugging and kissing my kids. I loved how you said you never took a moment for granted with him and b/c of that I've been doing the same with my own kids. So I thank you for reminding me to do that. I will never forget Ayden's story and will always keep you and Jeremy in my heart and prayers. I like to check in on your blog to see how you are doing ~ I'm happy to see you are trying to get out more and stay busy. Just keep holding on to your faith in God the way you already do and it will carry you through this. We don't always know the why but you can get some peace in knowing that Ayden is with the heavenly Father. Hugs to you and know you have people in Richmond, Va praying for you. Niki
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine your loss. Reading about Ayden has reminded me of how lucky I am to have my son, Nicholas. He is 8 months old and is a sweet, happy boy, like Ayden was. The idea of losing him is so scary...I cherish and appreciate every day with him. I try to be more patient and give him extra hugs and kisses. Yes, it's frustrating when he won't nap or clings to me when he's overtired, but at least he's here with me. I wouldn't trade him for anything.
ReplyDeleteWe don't know each other, I too teach in Pitt County so we do share that bond. Your story has touched me as has your faith and overall strength. Your love for Ayden has touched me. Much like my love for my son. I can feel your pain and your thoughts. Your feelings and blogs are so real. I think twice now, I don't take for granted and I appreciate your time and stories. I pray for you that things will become more clear and life will become more bearable for you. I'm sure you are on a tough, long journey but know that you are not alone! God bless
ReplyDeleteI have been touched by Ayden and by you. I just found you tonight, searching through blogs, clicking on links.....something brought me to you. Ayden is the most precious baby. He will ALWAYS be your baby. You will ALWAYS see him as a baby. Reminds me of a song..."You will always be a child in my eyes"....oh, and your song, "Held", one of my favorites. I really, really really love the bath picture with Ayden splashing around with a green washcloth covering him just right. And I really, really love the video of him talking and cooing with you. Thanks for reminding me to be thankful for all I have. You are so strong to be able to talk about it and share it every day on your blog. I have covered lots of ground with you tonight and know I would have a huge hug for you if we were to meet and I would share all the tears you would want to shed...and know I would shed a bunch right along with you. We don't know why. We can't understand why. But, someday we will see, and someday you will rock your baby. He just went on ahead of you. A friend of mine lost a baby, she was beautiful and born still. Someone told her and she told me, that now heaven will be all the sweeter knowing she will get to meet her daughter. Ayden just went to meet Jesus a little sooner than you. I can not imagine how you are feeling, but so happy you got to have some wonderful memories and photos. Praying for your healing in Iowa.
ReplyDeleteI have been touched by Ayden and by you. I just found you tonight, searching through blogs, clicking on links.....something brought me to you. Ayden is the most precious baby. He will ALWAYS be your baby. You will ALWAYS see him as a baby. Reminds me of a song..."You will always be a child in my eyes"....oh, and your song, "Held", one of my favorites. I really, really really love the bath picture with Ayden splashing around with a green washcloth covering him just right. And I really, really love the video of him talking and cooing with you. Thanks for reminding me to be thankful for all I have. You are so strong to be able to talk about it and share it every day on your blog. I have covered lots of ground with you tonight and know I would have a huge hug for you if we were to meet and I would share all the tears you would want to shed...and know I would shed a bunch right along with you. We don't know why. We can't understand why. But, someday we will see, and someday you will rock your baby. He just went on ahead of you. A friend of mine lost a baby, she was beautiful and born still. Someone told her and she told me, that now heaven will be all the sweeter knowing she will get to meet her daughter. Ayden just went to meet Jesus a little sooner than you. I can not imagine how you are feeling, but so happy you got to have some wonderful memories and photos. Praying for your healing in Iowa.
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