It's bed time here, but not bed time as we are used to it. Here is a taste of how bed time used to be around here. We miss these days so much:
When Ayden was with us, bed time was my favorite part of the night - next to bath time. I'll have to post a video of that...he loved it. Anyway, around 7:30, we would start winding down for the night. No overstimulation....easing our way into sleepytime. During wind-down time, we would take time with him toread to him, play with him and kiss all over him and have the famous talks we would all have....lots of smiles and laughs. Then, we'd give Ayden his last bottle for the night, which, as usual, he would just gulp right on down. Then, he'd sit up with one of us for a little bit to help his milk settle in his stomach. After that, it was mommy's turn to get Ayden to sleep. Why mommy's turn? Because I was the only one who could do it. His favorite position was to have his head resting on the crook of my left arm with the rest of his body up against mine. And every now and then...a little butt patting never hurt. So, we would rock like that for a few minutes, didn't take long, and he would be out for the night. Now, moving him from the living room to his bed....tricky. I would have to slooooowly get out of the recliner while holding him at the same time. Creep him over to his Dad for Dad to give goodnight kisses. Then, I would put him in his bed and say his prayers for him and my prayers for him. He never once protested. So, he'd sleep so soundly...so peacefully....dreaming away. Humidifier on, noisemaker on, little fan on, big fan on......bed time ready to go. During the night, he would begin to get a little restless. Change the diaper....maybe give him a snack of formula...he's back to sleepy land. Then, 5am every morning - never failed - he wanted to be with us. So, at 5, I would move Ayden to my chest and he'd sleep right there for a while. If that wasn't comfortable, he would sleep next to me...snuggle as close to me as absolutely possible.
Did I live for those days? YES
Did I get little sleep? SOMETIMES
Would I trade it for anything? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
So, today was my first day waking up in the house alone. My mom was back at work. I was a little nervous about waking up and being here all alone. Well, thanks to awesome friends....as soon as I woke up, a message came through my phone from my best pal Amber...encouraging me for the day. Then, my friend Sonja called and we decided that i would ride down to Washington with her. So, I spent most of my day in Washington with Sonja. It was exactly what I needed. I enjoy Sonja's company. We seem to click really well together. We seem to have the same outlook on a lot of things and we share a lot of similarities. It's nice to know that I can go to her with anything and she'll understand where I am coming from. I hope we can continue to get together more often. I am able to be very open with her, and it helps to be able to share so openly with someone.
Overall, today was a good day. This morning was tough...just getting out of bed and being here alone. I didn't know what to do. Usually, on days like today, I would get up and get bottles ready. No bottles to get ready..... rather than getting depressed about that, I just re-focused my mind onto my dog who was sitting there trying to get my attention. Then, the cat wanted some rubbin'. Then, I let the big, wild one out outside....shew....she wears me out.
I tried to make my morning as normal as possible...but just couldn't. So i got back in bed and surfed through some blogs to find comfort. Once i got through a few it was way past time for me to get in the shower, so I rushed through getting ready (which is good...), got dressed, had to wrestle big dog back into her pen....get little dog back in his pen (notice...no wrestling involved; he goes willingly), and get myself out the door. Ultimately, I met up with Sonja with time to spare!
Not much for today....pretty typical day....a few smiles...a few tears....a few laughs...a few questions....a lot of loving thoughts sent towards Heaven for my little boy.