Deep, profound words....

My "dear friend" will yet again get kuddos for her wise words. Below is part of a message she sent to me today. I love how she expresses herself and what she is thinking. She can do it in a way that lends itself to eloquence and wisdom. She makes me think about things in a way I've never considered them before. Awesome.
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I in NO WAY want to compare your sorrow to mine. They are very different. Yours is such a pure sorrow…yet…sorrow still. Empty still. It is now the mining time. When you smile, it exists but I imagine it probably can’t run very deep. And when you laugh, it probably doesn’t go all the way through. It will be that way for a while. But each smile that you can’t help but give and every laugh that manages to be from a real tickling…will pave the way for the future ones to dig deeper. And they may never reach down all the way, I don’t know, but they will reach deeper with time.

Don’t feel pressured to smile or to laugh however. Don’t feel obligated to seem better if you aren’t. Ecclesiastes says that sorrow is better than laughter because a sad face is good for the heart.How a sad face is good for the heart is something I’ve been pondering for a few days…I’ve been thinking of the drastic alteration that took place in your heart and mind and spirit in an instant. How you went from green pastures and water…to a desolate place within. How the light went out in a way. The joy. Not that you are in Godless darkness…but a sadness darkness. God takes us into these places sometimes…because He finds GREAT worth in us…and sometimes…the only way to find these deepest treasures within us…is in darkness. In deepest sorrow, you are deepened. In deepest sorrow, the most precious in you is challenged, and acutely worked on. I told my mom today…and I’ll tell you what she said…but I said to her “Mom, it really says a lot about Lindsay’s character, that God knew she could walk through this.” Jeremy too. And that’s true. He knows your core…knows your heart…knows your will…knows your faith. Not everyone can be taken there. There are character’s in the Bible. You read about this man and this man and this woman and here are some brothers and sisters and here’s a number of people and here’s an army. And there are few “characters.” Few who faced fire…not for punishment…but simply because God saw their heart’s…knew they were sold on Him and knew they were the vessels He wanted. Did they always handle it right? No. But in the end, they were always His. In the end they displayed the glory of God. My mom said she was thinking of you and thinking about Mary this morning. How God selected her specifically to be the mother of Jesus…who would have to raise him and watch him die. And with the same hand that chose Mary for that, He chose you for this. And Ayden was not just a tool. Not at all. He is a beautiful child…and God chose the PERFECT family for him. God chose the place where he would receive and be saturated with an enormous amount of love in a short time and experience so much life in such a short time. Life. And He loves that little boy. And he knows you love that little boy. And it is this darkness…this space that has been left because of that GREAT love, that God is going to bring out hidden greatness in your already wonderful character. He will bring water into you again. You will have sorrow always…you will miss him always…love him always. But when you recognize what treasures are brought forth in you from this…you will then recognize that it is Ayden…your love for him…and God…that brings these. And they may never seem like treasures to you…may not seem worth it. I’m not suggesting at all that you should be happy about the fact that this must be. Sorrow wouldn’t be sorrow if you weren’t sorry that it happened. But still…this sorrow…somehow…is enriching you. T

hat may be hard to accept. Its hard for me to suggest. But I know its true. I hope I’m making sense. Its hard for me to explain. And maybe it wasn’t time and that’s why it deleted.

One more thing. I thought of this last night for you too. People always told me God spoke in whispers. Last night I kind of thought that God really speaks more like an Ent in Lord of the Rings. Sometimes his communication isn’t “one minute not there, and the next minute there”. Sometimes maybe. But in hard times especially…when we want answers…in order for our hearts to truly understand and move and bend and react properly to what God is saying…it takes a long time. The Spirit of God may bend and groan within you. And your spirit will bend and groan within you. Oh Lindsay, I am so sorry for all this. Your heart is being communicated to…even if you don’t know it, can’t hear it, or can’t feel it.

Psalm 16:7 I will praise the Lord who counsels me. Even at night my heart instructs me.