Present tense vs. Past tense

Someone left me a comment today and in it, they referred me to this blog. It's a blog in memory of a little beauty - Cora. For today, Cora's mom simply posted a quote, and I found it so very encouraging.

"Sorrow is one of the things lent, not given.
Joy is given; sorrow is lent.
Sorrow is lent to us for just a little while
that we may use it for eternal purposes.
Then it will be taken away and everlasting joy
will be our Father's gift to us, and the Lord God
will wipe away all tears..."
-Amy Carmichael
It really made me think. Joy was given to us in the form of a beautiful baby boy with soft brown hair, big blue eyes, and his mother's smile. Joy was given to us through his gentle touch, his sweet laughter, and his full-of-life personality. We have known absolute joy and unconditional love. We also know sorrow. And our sorrow is deep. But what an encouragement to think that this sorrow has been lent to us...not given to endure forever. Even through our sorrow, we can feel that JOY that Ayden has brought to our lives. Every time I see his face, see his smile, or hear his laugh....that joy rushes in. But so does the sorrow. It is so conflicting to feel both at one time. But that sorrow is not eternal. While we must endure this here and now, we will have everlasting joy once we are reunited with our little one. Wow. I'm so glad I was directed to this post today.
Now to the purpose behind the title for today. I've been struggling with people speaking of Ayden in the past tense. He was...he had...he used to.... I'm very quick to use the present tense. Ayden is still alive in spirit and is very much so alive within me. I also struggle with my mind still not accepting that he's really gone. The other night, when we were out with a couple from church, we were sitting in their car. I looked at the clock and it was 9:19 - my immediate thought (before my mind even realized) was: We need to get home to Ayden; it's late. That was a crushing thought; I immediately crashed back into reality. Then today, my sister and I were watching Lord of the Rings (I'm still unable to watch a lot of regular TV - movies stay on constantly, although I don't "watch" them most of the time). Well, I never realized LOTR was so violent. Again, before realizing it, my immediate thought was: Ayden WILL NOT watch this movie - it's way too violent. Another crash into reality. I know this is normal. For years after my grandfather's death, I still forgot, at times, that he was gone. But how do you fully convince yourself that someone is gone when they still feel so very much alive? Being an English teacher, I'm bombarded with past tense, past perfect, present tense, blah, blah....I have a new one - present eternal tense. Ayden is eternally present with us - although not here, he is alive in Christ.
I know a lot of people in our community have been reading my blog. I want to rally some support from you for a moment. Some of my students, who are in FCCLA, have made it their goal this year to make our community aware of SIDS and the risk factors that accompany it. They are devoting their time to research and a big project in memory of Ayden other babies and their families who have been victims of SIDS. October is national pregnancy and infant loss month with a strong emphasis on SIDS. October 15th is a national day of rememberance for this cause. Ayden-Grifton students are raising money for the national SIDS foundation for SIDS research. They have planned a 7pm vigil at Ayden-Grifton in rememberance of the families who have been affected. They have asked me to speak, and I have agreed. Please support our students in this effort. I have been so impressed by their attention and determination to do this in Ayden's honor as well as the honor of others. I'm so proud of these young people and their hope to touch their community. Please come out in support of them and the cause they are so passionate about. October 15th - 7pm - Ayden-Grifton High School.
We will be lent this sorrow for a short time....and then, we will enjoy everlasting joy. What a perfect life that will be....


  1. Mark's mommy here again.

    I wanted to recommend a book to you if you haven't read it already. "Safe in the Arms of God", by John MacArthur. It is a wonderful reminder of everything that we believe to be true about our sons that are alive and well in Heaven.

    Praying for you,

  2. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and Ayden. After 11 miscarriages, I too have found great comfort in reading others' blogs. Although our circumstances are different, we're all grieving mothers who so dearly miss our children. Hugs!

    Stacey from CA

  3. "Joy" is given, and oh how our boys brought us joy! I haven't been to Cora's blog in a while so it was nice to visit it again.

    Grayson's birthday is the day before the national day of rememberance (his birthday is 10/14/02)

    I have had you on my mind a lot today, Kelley